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At the end of my tether with 15 week old

(34 Posts)
Gangle Thu 10-Jul-08 12:30:08

He is impossible to settle both at night and now during daytime naps. I accepted that the evenings would be a write off (dinner with one hand whilst holding him, crying on and off all evening if put down) and used to put him in the sling for his daytime naps which worked until a few days ago. He now screams even when he is in the sling and is tired, needing a nap. I am SO tired of never having a minute to myself and not being able to eat/wash or do anything. I said I would never do controlled crying but he is currently screaming his head off in his buggy as I just can't do this any longer. Does anyone have any ideas, short of paying for a nanny to come in for an afternoon a week to give me a break? I've tried routine, sling, bouncer etc and nothing works.

Seona1973 Thu 10-Jul-08 12:31:18

take him out in his buggy or the car - the motion can help send them off to sleep.

Gangle Thu 10-Jul-08 12:36:51

He usually screams in his buggy as well. Plus, I have a million things I need to do - it feels like my whole life is falling apart because I never have a minute to myself.

gagarin Thu 10-Jul-08 12:37:09

Controlled crying is for much older babies. They need to be able to make some sort of sense of what is happening.

Perhaps what you mean is "leaving him to cry"? IMO this is altogether different. I do not think it is a bad thing to wrap a baby up and put them down to see if what they actually want is to be left alone so they can sort themselves out. But lots of people do!

But first have you thought about other reasons for the yelling? Has he seen the doc to exclude reflux? Have you tried baby massage to calm him and you down? Is he ever quiet and relaxed and happy and smiling?

Look after yourself too - all that screeching is terrible to deal with. Go and shut the door on him for a few minutes and have a cup of coffee. Better than yelling at him (very common - don't feel guilty!)

TheHedgeWitch Thu 10-Jul-08 12:42:41

Message withdrawn

seeker Thu 10-Jul-08 12:42:45

He's still very young. What happens if you feed him?

I know it's hellish - but he is still of an age where you really can't expect to get anything else done - looking after him is a full time job. Could you look at the million things you've got to do and abandon any that don't involve looking after yourself - it won't do him any harm to scream in his buggy while you have a shower for example, or have something to eat.

And remember, it will get better. It's very early days.

seeker Thu 10-Jul-08 12:43:18

Are you absolutely sure he's not hungry?

hattyyellow Thu 10-Jul-08 12:45:28

Have you tried cranial osteopathy? Has worked wonders for lots of friends with fractous babies who won't settle, sometimes they have a cracking headache stemming from delivery. Worth a try?

Cany anyone give you a break for even 10 minutes to walk round the block?

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 10-Jul-08 12:47:34

Message withdrawn

VictorianSqualor Thu 10-Jul-08 12:47:50

Have you given him some calpol?
DS2 is 13weeks and teething, has become very irritable lately.

LadySanders Thu 10-Jul-08 12:50:30

just to add another vote for cranial... would be really surprised if it didn't help

columbolover Thu 10-Jul-08 13:19:38

really feel for you as had similar experience. ds was pretty high maintenance (spirited I called it), still is now at 17mo but in a different way, and cried a lot and wanted held all the time -I just had to let go of all the housey stuff and focus on ds - once I decided to do that I felt more relaxed - funnily ds seemed to calm down a bit also.
Would take him into bathroom in his bouncey chair while I had (long!)shower. even if he cried I kept in my mind that he knew I was there, could see me, he was safe etc. Would sing to him from the shower too!

If your ds still cries even if you hold him I would put him down and let him cry for a short while and see if he settles a bit, to see if doing something different works.

ds liked a good cry (read - screech!) before sleeping - almost as if he was letting off steam, and I found that lifting him up would sometimes aggravate him when he was really tired and just wanted to settle himself sleep. I just let him do this for a few minutes (and hover nearby) and he would just calm down and go to sleep. Know not everyone goes for this but I found a dummy also helped ds calm down.

Would say your ds is too young for cc as yet .

ds also diagnosed with reflux at 12 weeks - was screamimg after feeding - get GP tp check this out just in case, maybe also has colic, which I think reaches a peak about this age?

It took me until ds was 4 months before I started to work him out and could relax a bit - like realising he wanted fed every 3 hours, not four, when he was tired etc and then he cried much less, and I was more able to work out why he was crying when he did iykwim. Once this happened I gradually got some time to myself / housework done.

Give yourself time to adjust, anything over and above looking after ds and yourself is not essential.

Even if he screams in the buggy you might find it easier to cope with out walking instead of feeling cooped up in the house with him.

It does get easier, honestly. Once he learns how to settle himself / let himself go to sleep and gets into his own routine of sleeping / feeding you will get some of "me time" back. But he's still a tiny baby just now who doesn't know how much you valued that!

Hope things get better soon

BlueberryPancake Thu 10-Jul-08 14:32:22

I think that checking the cause of the crying is key, see your GP asap.

Is there anyone who can take over for an hour or so - a friend, family, .. so that you can have a shower and maybe a walk around the block by yourself?

BlueberryPancake Thu 10-Jul-08 14:32:24

I think that checking the cause of the crying is key, see your GP asap.

Is there anyone who can take over for an hour or so - a friend, family, .. so that you can have a shower and maybe a walk around the block by yourself?

seeker Thu 10-Jul-08 14:41:19

Are you sure he's not hungry?

mum2oneloudbaby Thu 10-Jul-08 14:44:04

i second everything columbolover said.

my dd is 7mo and it took me until she was about 4.5 - 5 mths to get to grips.

she was diagnosed with reflux at 4mths but gp gave no treatment but at least i could then handle her better. she fed every 2 to 2.5 hrs and would sleep about every 2-3 hrs.

she also sometimes screamed to be put down hmm.

it's hard and hideous at the stage you are at but it does get better as you will get to grips with what he wants and he figures out what he wants as well.

and do the shower thing the running water did seem to settle dd for a short while.

i had a friend who would blowdry her hair and then hoover because that settled her dd but never worked for mine as she is scared of the hoover hmm.

sheena1 Thu 10-Jul-08 15:16:35

Hey

My ds is 20 weeks and up in till last week i was ready to run away but just found out he is teething now i feed him and give him some calpol and bongela and that seems to settle him but if yoursis not teething maybe if u know hes not hungry dirty nappy or ill let him cry i had to do this with my dd when she was 3-4 months old it worked she finally learned i wasn't for picking her up every time she made a noise it was basically attention seeking xx

VictorianSqualor Thu 10-Jul-08 15:44:15

Of course it's attention seeking. Babies need attention. It doesn't mean you should just ignore it though!

Sariska Thu 10-Jul-08 16:00:11

Gangle - I could have written your post. My 16 week old DS shares your LO's sleep problems, right down to the screaming in his buggy. It's almost impossibly hard, isn't it?

First of all, do get him checked out for reflux. If he has a strong (and noisy!)preference for being upright, that's a fair indication that it may be an issue. My DS was diagnosed with it a few weeks' ago and the medication has made some difference.

Secondly, what sort of sling do you use? If reflux is a problem, he may prefer an upright one. Also, when do you put him in the sling? My DS often cries when I first put him in if he's overtired. I find I can minimise crying if I have him in the sling no more than two hours after he last woke up.

Thirdly, as other posters have said, cranial osteopathy may help. It hasn't had a dramatic effect on my DS but he does sleep better after each session - and short term effects are better than nothing!

Finally (and sorry for the list), although I so know where you're coming from with the need for me time, maybe you have to try and put it on the backburner for a while. (And remind yourself that it is just for a while, not for ever.) Perhaps try and focus on sleep time - for you as well as him. How much sleep are you getting on average each 24 hours? The more sleep I get, the better I find I can cope with each (difficult) day. If you can't get your LO to sleep at a reasonable time in the evening, can someone else take care of him for a couple of hours once or twice a week to give you a chance to catch up on a bit of sleep?

All the best. Just keep telling yourself that things are not always going to be like this.

seeker Thu 10-Jul-08 17:01:48

Are you sure he's not hungry?

shomes Thu 10-Jul-08 17:20:27

My 15 week old is exactly the same, cries if you put him down, demands alot of attention and you really do feel as if you are going insane sometimes. I usuallt try distraction, going outside holding him outwards or going for a walk in the sling. He usually stops then he will cry once he comes back in!! Sometimes i feel like leaving him to cry but i can't stand seeing him so upset.
Have you tried stripping him off and having some skin to skin, i have done that the last few days and it seemed to calm him down alot.

All i can say is persevere and I know how you are feeling, i keep telling myself its a phase and will not last!!

TartanGirl Thu 10-Jul-08 20:46:17

To all you Mummies out there having a hard time with LOs who cry and cry - hang in there, and it really, really does pass. My DS was just the same, and I felt at the end of my tether, and it felt like it was going to be forever, no matter what my DH told me! I couldn't get anything done, he cried all the time, wouldn't be put down, and didn't sleep for very long. Well, DS is now 10 years old, so I can definitely vouch for it passing! Reading your experiences though, makes it seem like just yesterday. Just take one day at a time,one hour at a time, if need be, and try and let the housework go, just for these difficult days.

violetsmile Thu 10-Jul-08 20:58:11

Agree with TartanGirl. My ds was a pain in the bottom to get to sleep. He still screams if out in the buggy and he gets over tired and he's 11 months now!

I used to feel just like you Gangle, like I was at the end of my tether.

All ds wanted me to do was pace around with him. I couldn't stop moving and could NEVER put him down!

It was awful yes but it did veeeerrrry slowly get better and once he could crawl he became a much better napper.

He still needs to be rocked to sleep in the day, he struggles to switch off but he does nap for much longer. He would only nap for 20mins before so was constantly tired and grizzly.

He settle himself at night as long as I stand by his cot but I am trying to edge away and stand by the door so hopefully he will settle alone soon.

In my opinion your ds is just too young to be left to cry. i know it's hard. it nearly killed me and I really felt depressed but it does pass.

DS is still a hand full and can be grumpy and whingey when he's tired but I understand him more now.

I never left him to cry for more than 2 mins and I still couldn't. This time will be over with so fast.

One day you will look back at it and be glad that it's over yes but also be glad that you did everything you could to make your child feel loved and secure.

Til then I do appreciate what a pain in the arse it is! It won't last forever.

domesticslattern Thu 10-Jul-08 21:07:20

Repeat after me- this too will pass. We have all been there. 15 weeks is very small- I'd be amazed if a routine or controlled crying worked now. Can you try to ignore as many as possible of the million things you need to do, and just operate on "survival mode"? Can a friend or family member help take the baby for a little while?- if you ask?

On the subject of never having a minute to yourself, there's a great reassuring book called "What Mothers Do" by Naomi Stadlen. You probably don't have time to read it, but if you are also having marathon feeds and can read at the same time I really recommend it. It is really wonderful about how you think you are not getting anything done, but in fact you are getting so much done in the day just looking after a baby. I hope things get better soon.

priceyp Sun 13-Jul-08 16:14:29

Hi there prob a bit late now as you have prob had some rest by now, but this worked for me with my two. DS started waking and flailing about and being hysterical around 10 wks old, so we swaddled him. He was so relieved that his limbs weren't waking him any more and he fell asleep instantly. DD doesn't like to be swaddled but settles instantly when sleeping on her front. This is contraversal(sp) and gives me hours of guilt, but you could try either method during the day when you are about. Or not. Just what works for me. xx

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