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Need to start giving ds1 (9) more responsibility. How can I ease him into this?

(17 Posts)
KerryMum Wed 09-Jul-08 15:18:33

I have always done everything for him and he is now officially a lazy git who can't manage to do anything for himself.

How can I backpedal?

I need to correct this pronto.

help!

KerryMum Wed 09-Jul-08 15:31:30

what types of things can I have him do to start him off?

Kammy Wed 09-Jul-08 15:49:05

Could you give him a few basic household chores - something like putting own clothes in laundry, laying the table and clearing away etc?
Does he have pocket money? Could you link any chores to that?
Or perhaps a serious grown up conversation - 'now that you're older I feel I can rely on you to help me by doing x,y, whatever'?

HonoriaGlossop Wed 09-Jul-08 15:51:42

Making his own bed (which is basically flicking a duvet so not at all hard!) putting own clothes in washing basket, helping to lay the table and clear it again, sound pretty much the minimum for a 9 year old....does he do those things already?

RusselBrussel Wed 09-Jul-08 15:57:43

Ds is 8 (will be 9 in August) and does the following:

Feed the dog and cat twice a day
Lay the table
Help clear the table after a meal
Walk to the co-op (5 mins from our house) to buy milk or bread as and when needed
Tidy his own room, this includes dusting and hoovering

pofaced Wed 09-Jul-08 16:08:25

As a basic part of being in the family he should make his own bed and clear away his stuff from the table after each meal (incl put it in the dishwasher if you have one). Dirty clothes should be put in laundry basket: he can ask if he's not sure if they need to be washed (eg trousers, not underwear!) These are non negotiable.

During summer holidays he should do reasonable chores that you ask eg hoover living room/ clean bathroom (maybe not very well but at least it'll be a bit better than previously).

Also, ask him to make dinner or lunch every so often during the hols: let him choose and supervise if you need to. Either he chooses a favourite (eg spag bol) or get a kids cookery book and let him choose from this. It's also a good way to get him thinking about nutrition.

Personally, I would not link doing chores to pocket money: we all have to do stuff we don't want to do because that's part of being in a family etc. If he does a big job with you (eg clear out garden shed/ sort out old toys for getting rid of), you could probably reward him with dvd rental or similar rather than money.

sparklesandnowinefor4months Wed 09-Jul-08 16:12:51

DS1 is 9 (10 in september) and his basic jobs are

1.make bed
2.make sure clothes are ready for the following day
3.put dirty washing in the wash bin
4.clear away own plates after meals
5.tidy any toys away that need it
6.nip to the local shop if i need anything
7.he will also shower/wash DS2 if asked to

and generally other bits as and when he is asked to do them

DD who is 6 does 1,2,3,4 and 5 and DS2 who is 3 does 3,4 and 5 so they all help out

RusselBrussel Wed 09-Jul-08 16:16:54

Oh yes pofaced, you have just reminded me, ds likes to cook simple diners (pasta dishes mainly)
He will also do other chores such as bagging up all the grass cuttings after dh has cut the grass, mop the kitchen floor, hoover the living room, help sort a load of laundry and turn the machine on etc.
In fact, he actually does a fair bit smile

KerryMum Wed 09-Jul-08 18:59:36

Let's see.

the number one thing I ask him to do is be nice to his brother and look out for him and play with him. He never does.

He also cleans up his room. This involves shoving everything under the bed or loading it up on his desk.

He does put his duvet down.

And cleans up his and ds2's play things.

When you say cooking do you mean like on the stovetop? That makes me a bit nervous as I can see him spilling something boiling on himself.

He did used to make toast on the grill but has gone off his bread (he has special rice bread due to allergies) so doesn't do that any more.

RusselBrussel Wed 09-Jul-08 19:43:55

Yes, cooking on the stovetop, and the oven. He started doing some supervised cooking with me a few weeks ago because it was linked to a badge he wanted to earn at Cubs.
Yes theoretically he could spill things on to himself, but at some point he has to learn to be careful when doing potentially dangerous things. I just teach ds to always use ovengloves, not to have the heat too turned up, and always ask for help if he is unsure rather than just try and end up in trouble.
So far so good, but I make sure I am close by (ie doing the dishes or sitting in the kitchen listening to dd read)

chrysantheMum Wed 09-Jul-08 19:45:30

i have just given up asking my ds who is 9 to do anything.

he moans and complains and cocks it up so for a quiet life i will just do it myself

it sucks

so any tips here would be good

chrysantheMum Wed 09-Jul-08 19:45:32

i have just given up asking my ds who is 9 to do anything.

he moans and complains and cocks it up so for a quiet life i will just do it myself

it sucks

so any tips here would be good

KerryMum Wed 09-Jul-08 21:32:16

that pretty much sums it up round here as well.... sad

lljkk Thu 10-Jul-08 12:22:42

Can you trade off responsibility with privileges? So, for instance, DS has to tidy his room thoroughly on a Sunday morning before we do any family outings (fun swim, etc.). Or he has to do a little job each day before he can have computer time (like empty the dishwasher). And recently I let him go to the shops on his own to get us a loaf of bread (first time he's been to shops by self, he was so excited!).

I read this book which I think was right... kids (esp. teens) just don't do altruism. There has to be something in it for them, like privileges, before they are usually inclined to help out. They literally lack the empathy centres in the brain before a certain age, to understand why they should help out.

hanaflowerisnothana Thu 10-Jul-08 12:26:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scanner Thu 10-Jul-08 12:26:54

Ds - aged 5 is expect to:

tidy his room (not hoovering/dusting)
put dirty washing in laudry basket
put toys away when finished (hmm)
lay table for breakfast (whoever's ready first does this)

dd2 - aged 6 does the same as ds

dd1 - almost 9

the above plus
make Mum a cup of tea grin
polish school shoes

cheltenhamgal Thu 10-Jul-08 12:48:32

my dd age 8 and a half, makes her bed, empties all the bins in the rooms each thursday, sorts out the washing for me on a friday evening, and will make me a cup of tea or some toast when she is after something ! I have thought about letting her go to the shop on her own and after seeing other parents let their children do so may well start doing it. She is always on at me for not letting her have more responsability

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