Apparently the phrase most commonly said by parents of young children at A&E is "I didn't know he could do that"

[PrettyCandles]

20m ds2 has just opened the cupboard, extracted the Dyson, unwound the cable, removed the 'child-proof' safety cover from the socket, plugged the machine in and switched it on.

Heaven help us.

[mankymummy]

well you are obviously a marvelous role model. my ds is more likely to lift up the edge of the rug and surrepticiously slide any obvious bits of debris underneath it with his foot !

[PrettyCandles]

But I very rarely vacuum! He's obsessed with the bl**dy thing.

And he opens one stairgate, climbs over another, puts keys in locks and turns them. Climbs like a monkey in fact (drops like a stone, though).

Oh my grey hairs.

[PrettyCandles]

Oh god. He just found a tube of concentrated artist's colour - green - and was busily smearing it on his face, contentedly gurgling "keem, keem" ie face-cream.

It's going to get worse, isn't it.

Go on, scare me - what have yours done?

[TinkerBellesMum]

We've had a whole tub of sudo over her face, not sure where this idea comes from, I don't use face cream and neither does my mum. Last night we ate out, she dipped a chip in my sour cream and nicked the pot, we had to take it off of her not long later when she decided it needed to go over her face.

She found my lipstick several times and it's gone all over her face. I've caught her trying to shave when her dad leaves razors around.

[Smithagain]

At that sort of age? DD1 silently and unobtrusively brought several buckets of water in from the garden (having first worked out how to turn the external tap) and helpfully washed the kitchen floor for me ...

I was on the phone

[conkertree]

not quite the same as not dangerous - just annoying, but my nephew at that age decided to dig a hole in the garden and bury his dad's mobile phone. only discovered after the hundredth look round the house and phoning it to try and find it, one of them noticed the ground outside was ringing.

[MadamAnt]

lol at keem

[snowleopard]

Upon being given a stylophone keyboard thingy for his 3rd birthday, within about 5 seconds my DS took all the extra cabling that came with it (for headphones/speaker outlet etc) and plugged it all into various holes in the back, immediately creating a massive feedback noise (he was very pleased with himself! Not dangerous in itself but it opened my eyes to just how much he seems to know about wires, cables and plugging things in

[littleducks]

sudocream everywhere (not easy to clean as doesnt really dissolve in water

Flour sack emptied into a line of containers and most of the kitchen floor

Open larder door, somehow got multipack of crisps from high shelf, open it, opened indivual crisp packet and sat in larder snacking

can turn on bath taps, likes to fil up a bucket and empty over floor but i run like anything if i hear running water so that hasnt been completed yet

remove all cards from my purse, taken packet of self adhesive stamps from my purse and stuck a stamp in the centre of the credit and debit cards (i have to explain this at the till occassionally as i dont want to bin stamp)

[FAQ]

entire can of spray deodarant sprayed in my bedroom, the door was then carefully closed and DS1 (aged about 2yrs at the time) came downstairs looking sweetness and light - but smelling very "fragrant".

[mankymummy]

hairsprayed the cat...
sudocremed the tv...
got hold of 2 jars of jam and emptied all over the kitchen floor
got plate out of cupboard, carefully lined up snails from garden on it and sat happily munching (he loves crunchy things).

maybe i spend too much time on mumsnet!!!!

[artgirl73]

DD2 is autistic, and regularly behaves like this at the age (and height) of 7! The tide mark around the walls has risen steadily til I am only a head or so above it, and I am always having to move door latches higher to prevent her getting into any of the rooms in the house unsupervised, though she is a dab hand at finding things to stand on...only yesterday I opened the kitchen (she had closed it behind her craftily) to find the twenty quids worth of groceries I hadn't yet unpacked, including 8 pots of yoghurt and 2 litres of lemonade, all opened and in a kind of sludge all over the kitchen floor. By no means her most notorious hour, but just the most recent. Still, the night is young...

Big LOL at the mobile phone story - what a classic!

[edam]

I love the image of people standing around thinking 'why is the ground ringing?'

[lavenderbongo]

My 16 month old likes to make calls on our phone to my DH when he goes abroad. He was in Strasbourg the other week and found a 10 minute message on his mobile. My dd2 had obviously pressed last number redial and been chatting away. He said all could hear was postman pat in the background and then dd2 yabbering away. It ended apparently with me angrily going "dont play with the phone Alice" and hanging up.
This was a very costly mobile call.

[DustyTV]

PMSL at this thread.

Nothing to add yet as DD has only just started crawling so I've got all of this to come.

[PrettyCandles]

Snails on a plate...sudocreming the cat...ringing ground...PMSL PMSL PMSL

More please!

[Nemoandthefishes]

DD2 cut DD1s hair a couple of months ago...
Ds has spread toothpaste all over the walls and his face in the past
DD2 opened my sanitary towels and stuck them around the bathroom to 'play'
Yesterday DD1 and Dd2 decided to get creative and colour my couch green with crayons while I ran literally for a 40second wee..

[schneebly]

these ones are quite bad and the phrase "I didn't know he could do that" is very apt!

DS1 managed to open the 'childproof' cap on a bottle of calpol and drink it all.

One time I was at work and DH was in the toilet and DS2 (aged 2) opened our front door went out of the garden, across a bridge and over to my brother's house where he knocked on the door and when my SIL answered he said "Toys?" Meanwhile DH had all the neighbours out searching for him thinking he had fallen in the river

I felt so sick when he told me.

They are both fine

[schneebly]

..or maybe bad spelling club

[Nemoandthefishes]

oh just remembered when ds was 22mths and I was about 5mths pregnant he locked me out the house when I had been unloading shopping..cue half hour of panic and me sobbing while trying to find someone with a key as my mobile was also indoors..got in to find ds sitting on couch had turned tv on and got his comic out of a bag and a french baguette..he was having a jolly old time.

[onepieceoflollipop]

A friend's child aged about 2.5 did exactly as your op reported...

Whilst his mother was blowdrying her hair he then stuck the end of the Dyson down the toilet and vacuumed up all the water. I think that it broke the Dyson tbh

Her hair was looking good though

[SwissCheese]

DS has washed the TV with his drink because it was 'dusty'; cleaned my car with an old sponge / scourer that he found outside my friends house covered in gravel (yes, I have scratch marks in nice circles in the areas he cleaned); He shampooed the bathroom carpet because it was dirty;
Hey! I think I'm starting to see a pattern in his behaviourbcession re cleanliness....I've just learnt something! Perhaps I shouldn't be so conscientious

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Sudocream 5 times at least. He kept finding all our hiding places

DH's shaving gel.
DH's deodorant (just the other day)
My shower gel (again, just the other day)
THe childproof cap on some cleaning fluid was skillfully removed when he was 2....I was there at the time thankfully but I dread to think what could have happened if I hadnt been.
He made me a cup of tea a couple of months ago just before he turned 3
Tiger balm all over our duvet and bedroom walls and himself. We only found out because he came down crynig because it had got in his eyes.
DD's diprobase/eczma cream
Poo. Several times.
Mud - more times than I can begin to count.
Snails/slugs. Do you know that squashed slug/snail juice is REALLY one of the hardest things we've had to scrub off of DS's hands
Talcum powder.
Reached the knife rack that is 4 foot ABOVE the worktop on a magnetic strip.

[pickie]

DS (22 months) managed to unlock my mobile and call 999

DD managed to open the bottle with calpol and down half of it in a split second (went to the bathroom to clean the spoon)

DS (8 months) bolted the back door! I went to empty the compost bin and didnt take keys with me. 8am standing the rain,no keys, no telephone!

DS eating his own poo and decided he didnt like it and smeared it all in the speakers of the TV!

DS woke up (26 months) and opened the top stair gate goes downstairs drinks nearly a full pack of innocent fruit smoothie and then (not sure which order)climbs on top of kitchen worktop and finds my vitamin pills at back of cupboard and eats them (luckily only 5 left)

DD switches PC off at mains if I am too long on MN!