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Has anyone else's DC been sent home early from cub camp? I'm sad for him, as well as cross with him

(22 Posts)
clumsymum Mon 07-Jul-08 10:20:37

It's a long story, but it involves urinating in the tent.
So at 11:00 p.m. on Friday night we had to turn out to bring him home.

I am cross about the bad behaviour, and sad that he has spoiled things for himself too. Dh really cross with him, altho now agrees to 'let it go' and move on.

Please tell me mine isn't the only one ever to be sent home.
How will cubs deal with it at next meeting? Will he be allowed to try going to camp again?

DrNortherner Mon 07-Jul-08 10:22:15


How old is he?

clumsymum Mon 07-Jul-08 10:25:42

Very nearly 9. He's been on one-night indoor camps before, this was his first 2-nighter, in a tent.

3littlefrogs Mon 07-Jul-08 10:30:07

He will have learned a lesson. Hopefully the cub leader will draw a line under it and everyone will move on. IME these things are very quickly forgotten by the other children.
It is really important that children learn acceptable behaviour. He will go back to camp next time and all will be well.

My ds was sent home in disgrace from a church group. I was mortified, but TBH his behaviour was not acceptable on that occasion. He learned from the experience and it was fine.

BagelBird Mon 07-Jul-08 10:32:25

In your position, I would phone up the person in charge of the cub group and ask if you could bring round your DS to apologise in person and talk it through before the next meeting. Even if he apologised at the time, 11pm is not great, better to do it again when all is calm and hadd time for DS to consider what to say - or write if he is too nervous about it.
Better to do it quietly away from all the other boys rather than any potential confrontation/embarrassment etc messing it up.
As sad and cross as you all rightly feel, I am guessing that this will be one of those really important life learning lessons for your DS. Help him learn to deal with his mistake responsibly by apologising fully to the right people etc and hopefully the cub leaders will be good enough to allow that to be forgiven and put to one side.
At least with the summer coming up you will all have a break too which should help.

clumsymum Mon 07-Jul-08 10:36:27

thanks 3littlefrogs. Yes I'm mortified, by ds's behaviour, not because he was sent home, he fully deserved to be sent home.

He had been looking forward to it so much, I can't work out why he did what he did (said he didn't like to dark toilet block, but TBH he could just have stepped outside tent).

I'm worried cos 2 of his classmates were there (one of them got a wet sleeping bag). I'm rather afraid there may be some argy-bargy at school today.

clumsymum Mon 07-Jul-08 11:26:30

Bagelbird, I have made him write a letter of apology to Akela, which he is going to give him quietly next meeting (on Friday).

They have organised another camp for midway thru the summer hols, which ds was hoping to go to (actually dh and I were hoping he would go too).

Mainly tho' I can't stop feeling so disappointed, can't work out if I'm disappointed with him, or for him. sad

Bink Mon 07-Jul-08 11:33:09

Clumsymum - a couple of weeks ago my 9yo got sent home early from a camping trip with the school he's due to join in Sept. Completely understand about the confusion of being disappointed with and/or for him. And completely sympathise with feeling that this has never happened to anyone else!!

I've been talking to my ds a lot about what went wrong, as I really want him to get the message: that IF you are really enjoying yourself (as he was) THEN it is NOT LOGICAL [this is how ds understands things best] to behave in a way which cuts the experience short ...

3littlefrogs Mon 07-Jul-08 11:36:38

Ok - he made a bad decision. If he was scared of the dark, desperate for a wee, and there wasn't anyone awake to ask, I can actually see how the situation happened. It really isn't the end of the world. The important thing is that he is going to apologise. Make sure he knows exactly what to do next time - (has a good, functioning torch, has a wee last thing before settling down, knows that if he is scared to go to the toilet block, is there an acceptable place a bit nearer etc). Maybe he won't be so scared of the dark next time.

clumsymum Mon 07-Jul-08 11:49:25


Thank you, your post makes me feel sooooo much better. I did feel like "mine's the only ds to have this happen".

I'll try the NOT LOGICAL approach too.

Kbear Mon 07-Jul-08 12:02:46

I feel quite sorry for him if he was scared to go outside and needed a wee desperately - hardly a criminal act. Bad judgment on his part but, I think, understandable and a teensy bit harsh to be sent home. He is probably very embarrassed.

Miaou Mon 07-Jul-08 12:17:15

We had a similar situation a couple of years ago (in fact I posted about it on here). Dd2 was at a summer activity session and had left her clothes on the floor in the disabled loo when she went to change into her costume for a performance (she had been told to do so). A boy came in to use the loo but for some reason saw fit to urinate all over her clothes. He was sent home as a result.

A few months later we moved house and she ended up not only in the same school and same class as this boy, but sitting next to him, which she was (in her words) not comfortable about. I had a quiet word with the teacher and she was moved to sit elsewhere. As time went on, she actually became friends with this boy, and said that he would be very silly around other boys but when just on his own with her they talked about a lot of things they have in common. They spoke about the weeing incident once (and he said sorry to dd2) then they moved on.

Sorry to waffle on - but just to illustrate that it is unlikely to cause any long-term bad feeling, particularly as it wasn't done maliciously.

clumsymum Mon 07-Jul-08 12:21:46

Kbear, they had all been taken off to the loo a bit earlier, and he didn't 'go'.

He had weed on his own sleeping bag (on, not in, stood up and did it) so didn't have anywhere to sleep, and had wet next boy's sleeping bag too.
When leaders said they had to phone us (basically cos he would need somewhere to sleep), he did major meltdown about not coming home, so really he had to come home, as this compounded the problem.

We took out spare sleeping bags, but he really couldn't have stayed. We left a spare bag for the other lad anyway.

Swedes Mon 07-Jul-08 12:28:58

Poor chap. He probably desperately needed a wee and made a bad decision in an urgent situation.

I think Bink's advice is excellent.

Please don't be cross with him.

TheProvincialLady Mon 07-Jul-08 12:33:53

I suppose you could talk to him about how he made a series of bad choices and each one made the situation worse. He should have gone to the loo with the others, then he should have gone to the toilet block or at least weed outside, and then when you were called to see to him his tantrum made it impossible for him to stay even if there had been a chance.

Romy7 Mon 07-Jul-08 12:37:13

why on earth did they not have spare sleeping bags? seriously, it sounds a bit as though he was desperate and panicked. he didn't mean to get the other boy's bag wet, did he?
it could have been dealt with better, imho. don't let it ruin everything, i suspect akela will be taking spares next time.

clumsymum Mon 07-Jul-08 12:54:53

TBH I was utterly amazed that the leaders didn't have a couple of spare old sleeping bags, these are long-time experienced cub leaders. I'd have thought they would have taken a spare of nearly everything, in case of damp, bedtime accidents, or high spirits.

GrapefruitMoon Mon 07-Jul-08 12:59:34

Are you sure he was actually awake when the weeing thing happened? I've known a few adult males who've weed in corners of bedrooms and other inappropriate places and have been sort of sleepwalking when it happened (or under the influence of alcohol!)

clumsymum Mon 07-Jul-08 13:05:53

Oh yes, they hadn't actually got settled when all this happened, I believe.

I admit the details are a little hazy, but apparently the other lad wasn't in his sleeping bag when it got weed on (thank goodness).

mikethemalesurrogatemum Sat 29-Sep-12 07:51:38

i'm sorry to sound so blazae on this, but after the intial "Oh dear thats a bit bad" I actually though about a childhood memory as a Cub myseld and giggled. I remember when I was Cub, the leaders said in the night to just use a bush to save trekking to the loos in the dark. One child didn't grasp the concept and next morning we stuck our heads out of the tent to a big steaming whoopsy right outside the tent! LOL What he did isn't the worst behaviour in the world for a 9 year old boy. It's not appropriate I grant you, but children of that age (especially boys) do daft stuff they regret afterwards. I'm a Cub Leader and if it happened on my camp, I'd certainly have a good long chat with the child in question, I wouldn't go all guns blazing, campsites can be rather daunting after dark believe me and if he was genuinley scared he may have had in his opinion a "valid" reason for doing so, i'd tell him he should have got a leader or another child to go with him. If it was a just a daft prank then yes I'd certainly give him a stern telling off but wouldn't send him home. After all a strong telling off for something like that is going to definitley make him think twice before doing it again. Mind you I have a strong ethos of being committed to seeing them thru a weekend unless their behaviour that puts people in danger (I've only ever sent 1 child home as he was so emotional from homesickness he flipped and starting, throwing the tables and trashing the tents, with 11 others to look after I couldn't physically spend all weekend restraining him every 5 minutes and supervising him 24/7 everywhere he went) With regards to sleeping bags etc. I always take spares in case of accidents (when we do summer camps in anglesy, 2 hours is a long drive just to bring a spare sleeping bag .... or to pick a child up when not really that necessary). If they had no spares, theres always ways around it. I've given up my own sleeping bag before now and coped for the night with a duvet and a blanket. I think tho that the Leader did what he thought was best for the situation, and he should be praised for handling it in a professional manner. I work in chilcare and provide respite for days at time for children with challenging behaviour where sending them back isn't an option, so I'm able to cope and adapt with whatever rare stuff they throw at me, when ur a volunteer who offers you're own time so willingly It's not easy getting that many children through a full weekend if you're not used to caring for them for more than just a couple of hours at a time. All in all experiences gained, and lots to learn for everyone on future camps.

Littlefish Sat 29-Sep-12 07:55:33


poachedeggs Sat 29-Sep-12 08:00:33

grin 4 year old thread you've just replied to there mike

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