10 month old driving me insane with constant whinging/clinginess

[desperatelyseekingsleep]

DS2 has always been clingy and pretty miserable but he seems to be reaching new depths at the moment. I feel like nothing I do keeps him happy. He's been crawlign for about a month now, but even that hasn't cheered him up, he's just constantly whinging to be picked up. His constant whining and crying is making the whole family miserable and stressed. To make matters worse he was sleeping through but over the last few days has been waking every night through the evening and night randomly until he finally wakes at 5.30am! He's got 7 teeth, may be getting another, but there's no sign of it yet. Any ideas as to why he's so darned unhappy? Should I take him to the doctor in case there's something physically wrong, or is it just his personality and something we have to live with. I just feel so sad about it as DS1 was also hard work as a baby (though by this aged he was pretty content most of the time) and I was hoping to have an enjoyable experience this time round.

[Meandmyjoe]

I know how you feel. My ds is infamous for his grumpy nature and screaming clinginess. He is also 10 months and was an awful baby (feel guilty but haven't enjoyed his babyhood at all!)

He whinged to be picked up all the time only wouldn't let me sit with him, wanted me to walk and keep him on the move. I must admit it has slightly improved since he has been crawling but he is still so miserable compared to most people's babies. Just very sensitive and very very hard work.

I think some of it is personality and frustration at not being independant and not being able to communicate. It will get easier I hope!

I think the waking in the night thing is probably separtaion anxiety. My ds goes through phases of it and it's knackering.

Hope it improves soon, sorry I have no advice!

[Meandmyjoe]

Also, does he like being in the pushchair? If so then make an effort to go out and meet people. Staying in is torturous for me but ds is still not keen on the pushchair so have to take a truck load of toys and snacks to distract him!

[desperatelyseekingsleep]

Yes, he is generally better when we're out, and is fine in the pushchair, so we do go out a lot. But going out is such a palava with 2 of them that very often I just can't be bothered. Thanks for the empathy - I suppose there's not much advice to give really other than grin and bear it until he grows out of it (hope that's soon!)

[jellybelly25]

Urrgh its so frustrating isn't it. There are many things you can do with one hand but actually its a pain in the ass. Does he let you sit down when you're holding him? Dd2 used to cry if it sat down, grr. She's massively better now at 13mo having been a right grump and realy clingy for months, if that's any reassurance. It all sounds like a pretty bad bout of separation anxiety and teething is likely to wake him up, and ime symptoms are worse about two weeks before it cuts.

[Meandmyjoe]

Ahh Jelly, what the heck is with the not being able to sit down???! I don't understand it! My ds has always wanted me to stand and walk around instead of just sit and cuddle. Glad he's not the only one! He will now let me sit for 5 or 10 mins since he's been crawling though so I'm hoping things are improving. He can still have a pretty good meltdown over nothing though!

Desperately, I'm sure when he starts to make sense of the world a bit more he will settle down. It's an awkward age really cos they are neither babier nor toddlers. They have so much to say but no other way to communicate it other than whinging. It must be frustrating for them and separation anxiety is at it's peak really. Hope you see some improvement soon.

[desperatelyseekingsleep]

Thanks guys. Yes, he does let me sit down, but it's a bit like a wrestling match as he won't sit on my lap, only stand, lean over to reach for things, want to be upside down etc etc. And the doing things with one hand has gone beyond a joke really. Jellybelly, you've given me a tiny ray of hope that it may come to an end at some point... It's just so frustrating to see other babies crawling, playing with things contentedly. Grr, finding myself having a touch of the green-eyed monster with friends' babies!

[mumitracy]

I found your messages by accident looking for advice for my son-thank god i'm not the only one! My 2 and a half year old daughter was an absolute joy of a baby, good sleeper, placid, always happy, fed well etc, we couldn't wait to have another child.
Then my son came along! He's now 10 months and has been a misery guts the whole time. He had "silent reflux" which made his first 3 months absolute hell (is still on medication for it), he whinges all day wanting to be picked up and carried around but won't sit still on my lap, frequently wakes up through the night, particularly worse this week i'm having to now spend my whole evening with him on my lap and then keep getting up all night for him. I've given up trying to work out if it's teeth or what. He's always been like this since the day he was born and have come to the conclusion that he just has a miserable personality.(currently playing up in his cot now!!) I'd be interested to know if other mums have found this sort of personality from their reflux baby. He breaks my heart, i put so much in but don't get much back from him. I just want to see more smiles on his face.

[desperatelyseekingsleep]

Hi mumitracy, it is quite wearing isn't it. I do think a lot of it is teeth with mhy ds2 though, as he's started having "phases" of being a bit happier, where I can actually put him down for 10 mins or so while I cook tea etc. he's now nearly 11 months, so I'm really really hoping he'll start to grow out of it soon. On the other hand, it could just be their personalities At least you had an easy time with your daughter - ds1 was a bit of nightmare too, so I can only dream of experiencing an easy baby Just hang on in there, before we know it they'll be toddling around and hopefully having fun!

[OlaMamas]

Know these aren't recent threads, however have reassured me I'm not the only one out there with a miserable, grumpy whingeing 10 month old baby. I love him to bits but he is putting a massive strain on the family, especially as my first was such an easy baby and I had to work pretty hard to convince my husband two children were a good idea!!! Just like you lot, he won't keep still but is constantly whingeing, he is now crawling and even that's not helped. He also slept through from an early age but for the last few months has been waking in the night, before starting his day and ours around 5.30ish....also waking my then very tired and grumpy for the day 2.5 year old! Hoping because the thread is a few weeks old you are going to say they are all better and I've only a few weeks of it left???????????

[meandmyjoe]

Ola, big sympathy. My ds was like this since birth too. Very grumpy, hard work, always had to be on the go, never let me sit still with him.

In many ways it has got better, he's nearly a year old now. He does smile a LOT more than he used to. He also is able to entertain himself for 45 mins at a time as long as I keep smiling and talking to him.

He doesn't whinge as much, however, he is still VERY VERY VERY strong willed. A lot of the time he will cry just because he's not getting his own way, eg we need to lay him down and change his nappy, or get him dressed, sit him in his high chair, go in the car seat etc. However, he has stopped a lot of the whinging, he just seems to throw more sort of tantrums now but I prefer these occassional flare ups to the incessant whinging. He's still a real moaning whinge bag when he's teething but I guess that's normal.

I think a lot of it, sadly is to do with personality. He still looks very serious compared to other babies. He still cries if he sees something I won't let him have. I he seems to be like a tantrumming toddler already! But on the whole it is easier. His sleep has gone from beong 12-13 hours a night to being completely crap though so once that's sorted, we'll all be happier!

I'm sure it'll get easier, I know it's hard though. x

[daisy5]

My friends son was the same - I used to think - Christ, what a painful child - always crying, always wanting to be hugged. But slowly he is growing up, much more cheerful, less hugs needed. He still gets more upset than his sister when he goes to childminder for the day, but he has sparkling eyes and my cheeky daughter loves playing with him.

B___ tiring though - I sympathise.

[romysmum]

thankyou, thankyou!!!! i really thought i had the only whingey/whining baby!!!dd is 4 months, and very smiley while whinging!! i dont seem to be able to do anything to please her, she whinges in the car, in her pram, and god help me if i try to go shopping!!. i try to keep doing somethings as she has to get used to having to do things she doesnt want to do, all my friends seem to have contented babies, but mine....... love her to bits, she is very bright, and can roll over already, and is also teething, but i do find meyself making excuses for her grumpiness. Just such a relief to hear others have similar problems

[desperatelyseekingsleep]

I originally posted this message and my whinging 10 month old is now a smiley happy one year old - not!!! I'd love to be able to say that it's improved overnight, but I think a lot of it is down to personality unfortunately. What I am finding though is that as he gets older and is able to do more, the whinging is definitely diminishing and I can put him down for longer periods. As long as he's not teething or ill and as long as he's entertained he's more or less OK. BUT he's still incredibly clingy to me, so I tend to try not to catch his eye once I've put him down. If he sees me looking at him, god help me! It is getting better but slowly, so that's got to be positive news

[romysmum]

Definately more positive, gives me some hope. DH and myself went out on Friday night and my mum babysat.... DD woke up!!! arghhhhhhhhh.. cried/screamed/sobbed for an hour and a half, I had left phone numbers so we could be contacted, but Granny thinks she is super nanny, and refused to give in! - I was really annoyed, arrived home to really upset baby, then it took me an hour to calm her.

[margoandjerry]

My DD is now 21 months but earlier today I was looking at pictures of us on holiday when she was 10 months and remembering how miserable it was!

She was always reasonably content until she reached 9/10 months and then turned into a crying, whinging nightmare. She didn't crawl but wanted to be walked around ALL the time, she wailed whenever I left the room and suddenly started waking up for hours at night.

Honestly it ws dreadful so full sympathy. I think it was separation anxiety and in her case frustration that she was immobile plus teething and being too hot!

All I can tell you is that it does pass! Our first holiday was dreadful - I spent two solid weeks in tears - but she's been a delight since about 14 months - walking really cheered her up. Hope you get some progress soon.

[OlaMamas]

Thank you so much to you all....Despite the tiredness and the strain it is comforting to know you're not alone!!! Was my first time on Mums net....soooooo glad I signed up. Really was at the end of my tether searching google for words of wisdom which I've clearly found here. Have even been dreading breaking up for my summer hols (as a teacher) as my 2 working days give me a break from my gorgeous little whinge bag!!!! But hey has to be done.... starting potty training Monday with my eldest....so I reckon I may be on here begging advice again!!!! Here's hoping for sleep and less whingeing!

[meandmyjoe]

Desperatelyseekingsleep, it's so funny hoe you mentioned the eye contact thing! If my ds is grumpy and I happen to talk to him and look at him, it seems to remind him that he was grumpy and there is someone to whinge to! If he is happy playing, i tend to watch him but stand well back and let him get on with it! Same in the car, he is fine til I turn around to look at him! Strange! It has got better though, at leat I can put him down now. He is much much more smiley, still throws huge tantrums but God he is a hell of a lot sunnier than he was!

[meandmyjoe]

The good thing is, when he's happy I can talk and play with him, where as before I just used to walk round with him all damn day, what a nightmare! Don't dispair romy, it will get better but very slowly! In the mean time just survive from day to day and try not to compare too much. x

[joy76]

hi im new to this my daughter is 5 months old and have silent reflux she is on losec but not much diffrence we have tryed everything so now our routine is

6.30 wakes and bottle
7.00 to 8.30 play
8.30 sleep (1/2 to hour if were lucky)
9.30 wake
10.00 bottle
10.30 to 11.30 play
11.30 sleep (1/2 to hour again)
12.30 wakes
1.00 bottle
1.30 to 2.00 play
2.00 sleep ( again 1/2 to hour)
3.00 wake
4.00 bottle
4.30 bath
5.00 sleep (as before)
6.00 wake
6.00 a bit of food then play
very whingy by now
7.00 bottle
7.30 bed
10.00 wake her for bottle or she wont sleep through
another day begins

sorry for the long rouitne thought it might help some of you mums my daughter does not sleep much at all so this way we get little breaks while she has her naps most of the time it half an hour sleep she also has farex in her bottles by ped she has been like this the min she was born she whines most of the day hard to keep her happy

[Rollmops]

You sound quite angry with your child.... Perhaps that's the reason for his desperation, to get SOME happy loving cuddles, not the 'oh, not again! For god's sake, up you come you miserable thing'...(or similar along the lines). Kids do sense the frustrationa and general stress without understanding that they might be causing it by their clinginess. Catch 22.

Waiting for the barrage 'how very dare you-s'etc...

[savageisfat]

JOY is there any way of extending her naps, maybe lulling, rocking her back to sleep before she fully awakes? I sympathise hugely, my ds only napped for 30 mins at a time til he was nearly a year old. He was always so whingy and very crabby and screamy. I think a lot of it is personality coupled with overtiredness. How do you entertain her when she's whingy, is there anything that is sure to make her stop whining? For us, ds would usually stop crying is we walked around with him which was very monotonos and tiring but did the trick until he could walk round himself!

Some babies are grumpier than others. I don't think it's you that's caused it in any way but I do agree that if you are frustrated then she will pick up on it and it will or can escallate. I was very tense around my ds because he was so hard work but tactually in retrospect I think we kind of wound eachother up even more because of it.

He still winds me up now at nearly 21 months!

[savageisfat]

Also, my ds mood improved a lot when he was mobile but also when I moved his bedtime to 6:30pm. He was so overtired cos of the short naps that he was just cranky and shattered from about 6pm, there was no point in stringing him out til 7:30 which I had been doing for months before I realised it was doing more harm than good. Good luck.

[joy76]

hi i play with my daughter on the floor with toys i have 4 children its very hard to play with her all the time but my husband helps keep her entertained when i have housework to do,she is very stubborn for a girl my other kids are boys,i have started her on vegtables in the afternoon she loves them but if i try to give her breakfast she screams all day so i will wait a bit,my new routine is helping a bit ,she is a bit more happy and loves to play on the floor with her toys and her brothers,my second son was just like her but worse i never figured out what was wrong but i got through it,i dont get frustrared with her ,my other beautiful boys are very demanding because there older
happy easter

[jemandbump]

I know these are very old posts but i'm hoping some of you are still here so i can get some answers! mumitracy, i have EXACLTY the same as you...my 7.5 month old is on medication for SR and i'm sure that's the reason he's soooo difficult now (although i do think the SR is under control, just think the hard time he went through pre-diagnosis changed his personality into a monster!!)
Please can you all tell me what your children are like now? I, like most of you, am a 2nd time mother and my 1st DD was an ANGEL - ate, slept, explored, was happy. My Son however is a totally different story and i never understood that old saying 'no 2 children are the same' until now!!!!!!!!

[Esp06njj]

I know this is an incredibly old post but I know there will be people out there looking for answers. I also had a grumpy baby with silent reflux, that hated me sitting down-always wanted me to carry him around, had short naps and I just wanted to give some advice. After months of research I discovered he had an allergy to cow's milk protein which made it uncomfortable on his belly (possibly why he wanted to be carried around as it was less stressful on his belly). Apparently lots of babies with silent reflux have the same allergy so please do your research and look at symptoms in case your LO is the same. We stopped breastfeeding at 6 months and he was put on special formula and the transformation was quite amazing! He was much more content. I'm not sure if this was the sole reason or if it was matched with being at period where he could also do more for himself too. I also wonder if he whinged a lot as he was still hungry and obviously being on the bottle meant I could see how much he was having. My DS also prefers to be outside so if we were having a bad day just taking him outside would give me a few minutes restbite. A sling was also my saving grace as I popped him in there and had my hands free- yes even in the house! I really hope this post helps someone out there! We've been having a rough few days of it recently but I think it may be teething- I hope so anyway as I'm getting quite down about having a grumpy baby again!!x