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My 7 year old daughter has just left home

(64 Posts)
golds Tue 25-Jan-05 19:25:06

I'm not joking

Some of you may recall other threads I have mentioned about her.

When she is lovely she is extremely lovely, she's bright, talented but very jealous of her younger brother. She has a strong temper and he is very placid, he never moans, complains, he's a lovely boy the majority of the time. She provokes him and whispers things to him to get him in trouble. I try and praise good behaviour and ignore bad, therefore it would appear he gets more.

Tonight he was playing with his lego nicely and she came along and destoyed it, I told her off and consoled him. She told me how much she hated me and told me I should just be a servant. With this she then said that she wanted to live with Nanny & Grandad and proceeded to pack her bags and phone them, she packed everything even her favourite ornaments and calender, school uniform and even her lunch box, my mum spoke to me and said call her bluff and send her round and we will talk to her.

She's just gone and I really don't know how to handle it, should I let her go for the night or kick up a right fuss, I just don't know, incidentally she has never stayed there overnight, she has always tried, but then cried to come home.

I know I am probably to blame for this, but I'm not sure how to rectify it. She couldn't wait to go and said she may see me up at school some time whilst I am taking ds and how much she prefered nannys dog more than me, dh or ds.

I try to give her loads of attention and praise, sometimes she gets exactly what she wants (probably thats the cause) but if she acts in such a bad manner most of the time, how am I supposed to turn it around.

Don't slate me, I am genuinly asking for advice on how best I can handle this so it won't backfire in my face, of course I love her dearly, but her behaviour is really bad at times.

hercules Tue 25-Jan-05 19:26:31

How is she at school?

Tinker Tue 25-Jan-05 19:27:56

You're not to blame

I think your mum was right to call her bluff. As long as your mum colludes with you and doesn't spoil her etc she'll soon be back.

vict17 Tue 25-Jan-05 19:28:11

I think it might be a good idea just to wait until she has calmed down and see if she wants to stay the night at her nanny's. You could always ring and ask if she wants to say good night to you on the phone, and tell her how much you love her, and if she won't talk on the phone get nanny to relay the message. Good luck, I've no idea how hard it must be for you as ds is only 10 months but hope I've been some help before someone wise comes along

golds Tue 25-Jan-05 19:31:16

My mum and dad only live 5 miles away, she has packed her school uniform and if all hell breaks loose and she stays their tonight, then they will take her in the morning.

Do I talk to her and try to convince her she should be at home or let her stay there the night and let her come to the conclusion herself. I am sure she tinks she is not loved, but I tell her often, when I try and hold her hand or give her a hug she pulls away from me.

Ive said this before, I just keep wondering if she is starting with her hormones, I amy try and speak to the school nurse tomorrow.

Tinker Tue 25-Jan-05 19:33:20

I would leave it for tonight. Tell her that you love her and that you'll see her tomorrow. Too late now to start arguing with her to come home

golds Tue 25-Jan-05 19:33:28

sorry, jumped in with a message before refreshing. I feel such a failure, I have gone completely wrong with her, I thought I was supposed to get this sort of attitude from her when she was 13 not 7

hercules Tue 25-Jan-05 19:34:35

I would also leave her there for tonight. I'm no expert but it does sound kind of hormonal.

hercules Tue 25-Jan-05 19:35:16

It really doesnt sound like anything you've done. Dont waste energy blaming yourself.

MrsBigD Tue 25-Jan-05 19:35:55

golds - I'm probably going to be 'stoned' for what I'm about to say...

you mentioned that dd has tried staying at grand parents but came home crying... well maybe if she starts crying this time and you don't pick her up straight away...

[quickly ducks and hides]

oooggs Tue 25-Jan-05 19:37:03

I agree MrsBigD - I would leave her there to stew too. And then she might think about not doing it again.

hercules Tue 25-Jan-05 19:37:11

Not a bad idea MrsD

Whizzz Tue 25-Jan-05 19:39:24

I did the same when I was 4 apparently. GOt into trouble for breaking something, packed all by belongings into my toy pram & set off out of the house to go to my grandparents ! I came back though & it hasn't scarred me for life.. Sounds like shes just testing the boundaries.

Tinker Tue 25-Jan-05 19:40:52

I've just asked my 7 year old daughter what would coax her back. And she said, leave her there tonight and tomorrow she might feel calmer. And then the mum and the little girl can have a talk about it when she comes home. "Good Luck" says my little girl.

jangly Tue 25-Jan-05 19:42:41

TBH I wouldn't have let her go, and I don't think your mum should have gone along with it. (sorry!)I'd leave her there now overnight but insist she comes back tomorrow. Tell her Nanny and grandad are too old and tired to look after children.

ScummyMummy Tue 25-Jan-05 19:43:53

Your daughter sounds very wise, Tinker.

Golds- please don't worry too much hon. I reckon Tinker's little girl is spot on- you need to reassure her that you love her, but also stay calm and strong and show her that you can deal with her throwing wobblies without crumbling. Good luck.

motherinferior Tue 25-Jan-05 19:43:57

It sounds like you need a break too. She was horrid to you.

tamum Tue 25-Jan-05 19:45:12

I would be inclined to ring and tell her that you wanted to say goodnight, that you love her and miss her and that you very much hope you will see her around at school some time. Don't try and persuade her to come back, stay calm, but make it clear that she is loved.

Tinker, your dd is so sweet

HeyEnidYouveLostWeight Tue 25-Jan-05 19:50:11

great advice here golds. Stay strong and don't let her grind you down! x E

wog Tue 25-Jan-05 19:52:41

golds apparantly my older sister did the exact same thing when she was about that age and my mum let her go - she got downstairs and stopped a taxie (my mum followed her) - she told the driver to take her to her grannies and just at that my mum came over, apologised and tooke her back upstairs - i dont know what happened next because it is just a funny story my mum tells us - so I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only person that this has happenend to - so dont beat yourself up and i'm sure this will be a funny story in your family in the future!!

golds Tue 25-Jan-05 19:58:40

Thanks everyone, great advice and Tinker your little girl sounds lovely. Dh isn't back yet from dropping her off, I will see what he says.

Kids - I wish I handled it better.

Taking abreak for a while to put ds to bed, thank you everyone, I will come back later and let you know what happens.

hercules Tue 25-Jan-05 19:59:18

I have to say that I am quite surprised at your choice of nickname, wog.

jangly Tue 25-Jan-05 20:01:24

Good luck. It'll soon blow over!

ScummyMummy Tue 25-Jan-05 20:03:01

Agree hercules.

hercules Tue 25-Jan-05 20:04:25

What should we do then??? She might not see our post.

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