I'm losing my mind with 11 month old

[thisisthelast]

OK, I'm back AGAIN! dd2 is nearly 11 months old and her behaviour has ruined our family. I feel so awful for saying that but it's true

DD1 is now very cling and wants more attention, obviously not helped due to dd2 being the most grumpy, whingey baby in the world and taking so much entertaining.

She seems to cry more than most newborns cry! She whimpers on and off all day. She crawls off, finds a toy, whimpers and cries, crawls off, finds another toy, starts to whinge again.

She still will not sit still. Hates her pushchair and carseat. Will not be cuddled. I can't go anywhere and I am really wishing that we had not had her.

I know it sounds terrible. I do love her but I am so unhappy living with such an unhappy child. I dont know how much longer I can do this for.

DP works a lot and I am stuck in doors with 2 children, one of which is so grumpy all the time which makes us all miserable.

Just putting her in her highchair for dinner had her in tears. I can do nothing right. I am so on edge now as she kicks off for no reason.

Everyone said it would get better once she got mobile. Well she's been crawling for 2 months now and is a moody and difficult as ever. She does smile but only with a lot of prompting.

Is there something wrong with her? I am so scared she actually may be mentally ill or something. PLEASE HELP!

[thisisthelast]

BUMP!

[Northbynortheast]

Have you spoken to you health visitor about this. Doing this could at least put your mind at rest about any health issues. Are there any other adults who could take her off your hands for a few hours so you can spend some time with dd1 and just get away from the whinging.

Are you working/going back to work soon. Going to work (part time) sorted me out.

Really feel for you. Whinging has got to be one of the worst noises in the world. It really wears you down.

[thisisthelast]

Thanks for posting. No help really. My family are all very busy and tbh they just wind her up even more with trying to cuddle her all the time when she hates it. She is just so miserable, even when I'm out and about.

DD1 was never like this. She loved to be held (all the time!!!) but I didn't mind that. It's the incessant crying and grizzling. I can't even go anywhere in the car without her screaming all the way there and back.

Hope your ds is OK. It's tough having 2 isn't it??! I think I would have found it a lot easier if d2 had have not been quite so high needs and grumpy.

Everyone always comments on how 'serious' she is and it gets me down as I have to live with her!

[Bumbleybee]

I am assuming that you have already spoken to your health visitor or GP about her development, and that you have reassured yourself that she is not in physical pain.

Does she whinge and cry when you are entertaining her? Is there anything you do that she does enjoy?

[ScoobyDoo]

I really do have alot of sympathy for you as i have a dd the same but she is now 2.4.

I had ds who was such a happy, calm & content baby then along came dd, she was fine until she hit about 9 months, she stopped sleeping through the night, she cried all the time, she never smiled & whinged alot.

It has been very hard work & dd got worse before she got better, we have been through the tantrums lately but she seems to be getting a bit more easier!

Not sure what the answer is, i just had to ride through it with dd, it was hard & draining but there were some easier days!

Sorry i don't have much advice but i wanted you to know your not the only one out there, i have been there & know how awful it is & know exactly what your saying.

[mazzystar]

DD had a big high-maintenance phase that she is just getting out of now at last - I hope - at 16 mo, so I sympathise.

Reflecting on the past few months I think I got bogged down in it - and anticipating making it tough, made it tougher. The worst days were the days when I approached it wearily as opposed to positively.

My key survival strategy was to get the hell out of the house - as much as possible. And invite people over - especially at meal times - it takes the pressure of, dilutes the whinge effect and distracts the whinger.

I also agree about getting the hv to give her the once over, just to set your mind at rest.

And yes, having two is hard. All the best

[thisisthelast]

yes, very true about anticipating it to be hard makesit harder. I am just so tired of getting up with a posittive attitude but my 7 am the whining ang crying has worn me down.

She is ok as long as I carry her around a lot, at least she doesn't cry although she is still not smiley. I am not allowed to sit with her or else she pushes me away and wriggles to be put down but then she cries when I put her down. She wil not sit on the sofa for a second so spends most of the daywhinging on the floor

I am just so exhausted.

[nowwearefour]

My dd2 can be v much like this. i have worked out she is much much worse when she is tired and hungry. i ahve now got a sort of routine togehter that seems to work for her (and everyone else) and largely she is much happier. i DO feel for you as thi sort of problem is whati have had and has driven me up the wall. i ahve thought all the things you describe. if you are sure she is not tired/ hungry then there really isnt much else you can do except try to give her attentiona dnthe dd1 attention too when you can. but go easy on yourself it is soooo tough. my sympathies.

[ellideb]

Could be that she is teething? I mind a 10 mth old and some days she is happy and smiley, and other days she grizzles all day and is grumpy which I put down to her teething. I do feel for you, it is hard but it is only a phase. Could you leave her for a few hours each day with a childminder/nursery etc? it would save your sanity, might be very good for her as sometimes children behave better for strangers and it would give your eldest some quality time with you. Good luck.

[thisisthelast]

I hope it is just a phase but she has always been like it so I reaaly think it is just her personality. I have had her at the Dr's and even tried cranial osteopathy when she was 6 months old.

She is still so hard. I lay her down to change or dress her and she screams like I am torturing her. She protests loudly to everything. She wakes up crying and continues throughout the day. She loves swimming but hates getting changed for it.

She can not just sit and observe the world, she has to reach out and touch/ hold everything. She cries abot 80% of the day and people tell me to ignoe it but it doen't work, she just gets inconsolable! I'm sue my neighbours must hate us!

[Bumbleybee]

thisisthelast that is a lot of crying, it is very wearing especially when she won't be comforted by you, if she likes being carried I would try to carry her as much as you can without feeling resentful towards her.
I would also try to analyse the points at which the crying gets worse, it sounds like it may be at transition points, getting into or out of the car, getting dressed or undressed, if it is at these points I would make sure that she always knows what is coming next, using words and pictures to explain to her.

[ellideb]

op, i wouldn't expect any 11mth old to be able to just 'sit and observe the world', it is in their nature to reach out and touch everything, to be into everything and also to get frustrated with things quite easily.

[thisisthelast]

Oh don't get me wrong, I don't expect her to just sit and do nothing but at lear be able to sit in her pushchair or in a highchair so we can go out for a coffee or stand in a cue in a shop! She can not sit still and I see plenty of other babies that are happy to do so for at least 5 minutes.

We can't go anywhere or even stop off in a cafe without her crying and trying to reach for hot things then crying when I say no. All normal I know but just very extreme with her.

[thisisthelast]

Yes I will use that in future. DD1 cried when I took things off her but I could always pacify her with one of her toys whilst we went out. She would sit happily for 15-20 minutes in a cafe as long as we kept talking to her giving her a toy. dd2 is a different story!

[CantSleepWontSleep]

She sounds rather like my dd was. She's not milk intolerant is she? Have you ever tried an exclusion diet to find out? Dd was, and her paed said that general misery is often a symptom. Can't hurt to try I would think. Needs to be for at least a fortnight before you form any judgement on its success. If she's formula fed then you'll need to get hypoallergenic formula, which you can buy from pharmacies, but is more expensive than normal. Obviously if it does prove to be the cause of her problems then you can go back to your GP for a prescription, but he is unlikely to take you seriously if you ask without proof (most GPs are utterly crap when it comes to intolerances).

[sophiajane]

much sympathy thisisthelast. My DD1 sounds very similar she basically cried all day until about 18 months old. It is known as continual crying and it does exist in "normal" children. Was so hard I vowed never to have another. On the positive side DD1 is now the most delightful 6 year old in the world and I took the plunge again and DD2 is a happy go lucky 2 year old. It is very tough but it will pass - read lots about continual crying and contact CRYSIS a charity who helps in this area - think they still exist.

Much love

[thisisthelast]

Oh I thought milk intolerance would make her sick though?? It's funny you should mention it though cos as a young baby I constantly pestered my hv about it and even got infant gaviscon in case of reflux. No change! Wouldn't milk intolerance affect her night sleep though? At this point I am willing to try anything!

[thisisthelast]

Thanks for the reassurance sophia. Why do they cry, is there ever a reason fir it? or is it just something they do!!??

[MannyMoeAndJack]

Although you say your dd2 doesn't enjoy cuddles, is she sociable in other ways? Does she recognise family members, engage with her sister, pay attention to what you are doing with her/around her, etc? Does she have any toys at all that interest her/hold her attention and that she plays with?

Perhaps if you have some concerns, then you could have a chat to your HV (to put your mind at rest) but at 11mths, your dd still has lots of development ahead of her!

[CantSleepWontSleep]

Well dd's night sleep was always crap, but I have known children with milk intolerance who seemed to be fine at night (and others who were ok during the day but worse at night - go figure!). Sickness is another common symptom of an intolerance, but not all children will exhibit all symptoms, so it doesn't necessarily follow that because she's not sick she doesn't have a problem.

As you say, if you're at the point where you're willing to try anything, then it's as good a start as anywhere else, and at least you can feel like you're doing something potentially constructive to help save your sanity.