How can I like my ds1 - 7 again?

[niceglasses]

I've felt like this for a while with my ds1 who is 7. I've seen similar threads and searched for a great one about someone who felt a bit out of control with their parenting, so sorry if this is repeating.

I have big problems with my 7 year old particularly. I have 2 others - 5 a boy, and 3 a girl.

I think/know it is probably down to my parenting, or bad parenting.

My 7yr old is incredibly cheeky, back answering, always the last word. Untidy ( I know normal), spoilt to a degree, (my fault), noisy, can't sit still, shouts, not talks. Easily frustrated, impatient, often rude. Its not too strong to say I sometimes hate him. But of course I love him too. He can be the most gentle (esp to the pets) and school have no big problems with him - he is doing fine, if not outstanding.

I handle it and parent badly I think. I have lost my way somehow. My connections with them are mainly negative. Like this morning. They are all up mad early - like 6 - and I am still in bed. DH gone to work. I hear them screaming - fighting and crying in frustration with new lego toys built just yesterday (which I suspect 5 yr old too young for). So my initial contact this morning is shouting and removing the toys.

I feel increasingly my kids are embarrasing. I read the threads on here and think, God, thats my annoynig brats.

Help me. point me in the right direction. I want to enjoy my kids and see their good points.

With thanks

[niceglasses]

anyone?

[Othersideofthechannel]

I don't dislike my DCs so perhaps not qualified to respond.

But when I am frustrated, I read the threads on here to remind myself that their behaviour is normal and that my reactions are normal.
I try not to beat myself up about it when I lose it with them. Try to figure out how I could have dealt with the situation better or go and read something like 'how to talk when kids will listen' 'sibling rivalry'.

HTH

[Porpoise]

I'm here and I feel your pain!

First and most important: it WILL get better. Ds1 was a monster at 7 and is really rather nice now at 10.

Ds2, however (8) is well, pretty much, like your ds1!

It is definitely better on days when I manage to keep my cool. And even better on days when I manage to salvage my sorely tested sense of humour.

Keep the faith, niceglasses - I'm sure you're not as bad as you think you are

[niceglasses]

Thanks OSoC - are they books?

I know a lot of it is probably normal - just mine always seem the worst......

(ps meant to say 'not outstanding' at schl - hes just about average I'd say, and I'm happy with that - he seems to enjoy schl and thats the main thing for me just now)

[niceglasses]

Thanks Porpoise - I often wonder what he'll be like when hes a bit older. You see these nice polite 10 or so year olds and wonder...

[Porpoise]

Just thought of something that might help, especially as he's your oldest.

My ds1 really responded to being given stuff to do because I 'trusted' him to be responsible enough to do it (not that I did, really, but I was pretending HARD).

So, I'd 'trust' him to pour everyone a drink at mealtimes or turn his own light off a bedtime. Quite interesting to see them puff up with pride at this sort of thing - also gives them a little bit of independence which I think they're starting to fight for at this age in a pre-teen kind of way.

[cory]

I find a lot of that fits ds as well; he's just turned 8. Shouts, yes, untidy, yes, won't take no for an answer, certainly not.

What you have to do is to find nice times too, so it's not all negative^. Times when you are sharing a story or playing a game together or having a discussion. I find the same little boy who acts like a complete baby one moment can be remarkably mature and interesting to talk to the next. As long as there are good times, I think we can bear the bad ones. They will pass. No doubt they will pass.

[niceglasses]

Nice times....yup I think I have to rediscover them, somehow.

Have your kids just got bags and bags and bags of energy? Mine just never, ever sit still (even when eating) unless watching some mindless cartoon....

[duchesse]

You're tired and need a break. That's my diagnosis and cure suggestion.

I think you should probably book a week by yourself in a Greek island with a stack of novels and leave the children with someone they love (their father, grandma, aunt etc...).

[Sanguine]

I'm not at all qualified to comment as DS is only 6MO - but I'm sure your parenting isn't as bad as you think it is! If you were a really bad parent, you wouldn't be on here looking for a solution, would you? I think all your DC think you are the best mum in the whole world, even if they are really good at touching ALL your raw nerves and driving you up the wall before breakfast!

This too will pass. Keep mentally counting to ten, and rehearse your "I'm not amused" face in front of the mirror when they've gone to bed! It's difficult when you have the other DC to think about too, but maybe you could arrange a couple of activities you and he can enjoy together so that he feels he has your undivided attention for a while without having to shout.

Good luck!

[niceglasses]

oh wooooooowwww (Father Dougal voice)

a week on a Greek Island! I wish.

Yup, I'll admit to a bit of fraying at the edges. I work 3 days and currently cramming like made for an OU exam.

Still, no need to take it out on them.

Less shouting is a start maybe.

[NotABanana]

OMG you are me!

[NotABanana]

And it is the behaviour you don't like, not the child.

[Othersideofthechannel]

Yes, they are books niceglasses. The one on sibling rivalry basically says leave them to sort it out themselves unless they are hurting each other, and it gives advice on showing them how to sort out their differences amicably.

DS is 5 and is a good age for learning this. DD is 3 and is too impatient but it will come.

[KarenThirl]

I used to have days like this when my ds was younger. Now I keep a list of all the lovely things about him, like his sense of humour, his smile, how helpful and kind he can be, typed out in colourful fonts and laminated, and when we're having a tough day (or several) we sit together and remind ourselves how nice he really is. It really helps to put things back into perspective.