Destructive behaviour

[Sherbie]

PLEASE HELP!! DD1 is 3 1/2 and going through a weird destructive phase which only applies to books and flowers. She's taken to methodically tearing out the pages of her favourite books one by one or pulling the petals or buds off flowers. There seems no reason for it. We've explained to her the consequences - straight indoors and no more playing outside for the day if she picks the flowers and she is to have nothing at all to do with books for 2 days for ripping up books. She's also warned in advance of the consequences if it looks like it might happen. It happens at random times. We'd had a lovely afternoon of stories and she was in a happy mood and I turned my back for 5 minutes and her book was in shreds. Any ideas??

[VictorianSqualor]

DS1 does it too, as did DD.
No idea why, DD grew out of it.

[Umlellala]

Eek- sounds scary. Dd is only 2 so this might be way off but what about providing some stuff to be destructive with? So maybe a pile of paper to rip up or an old broken stereo to take apart... Is it possibly about seeing how things are constructed? Or would it defeat the object if it was 'allowed'?

[edam]

Very odd, isn't it? Ds went through a phase of tearing books. Like Um's idea of giving her something she can destroy. Maybe flowers are tempting precisely because they have so many neatly segregated petals...

Btw, two days sounds a bit OTT - two days is an enormous length of time when you are 3.5.

[deanychip]

ahh my boy did this from an early age right till he was about 4 and still does this now that he is nearly 5.

It realy distressed me.
it extended to the house, so for exmple he bashed newly plastered walls with a big marble leaving loads and loads of big dents.
He crayoned all over his bedroom walls with black crayons
he bites things very hard to leave tooth marks in books, toys, clothing.
he stabbed my computer chair with a screw driver till it was in shreds when i had only just got it home.
sound s awful doesnt he!
throwing things was a huge issue for a long time.
in the end, we had to sit down (dh & Me)and work out a master plan.
when he threw any thing i took it off him immediately and put it on the fridge high up for a day.
the walls, skirting bourds and carpets, i had an initial rant but havent mentioned them till recently and he had no idea that he had done them. he asked me "what happened to that wall mum? when i told him, he just looked at me as if i was mad and lying!!!!
we give him broken radios and toys to take to bits with his own screw drivers, which is great.
turns out he is very good at that sort of thing.
he isnt an agressive kid, it was just a phase but seems to have been his "thing".

good god, reading that back it sounds like he is seriously disturbed and for a long time i thouhgt htat there awas something wrong with him,,,came on here and was told it was normal, and would pass and sure enough we are now at the tail end.

[edam]

Actually, this thread has reminded me, ds managed to unpick the phone wire from the wall when he was in his baby bouncer hanging from the door frame (dh was in charge, not me, I hasten to add). And picked a whole in the wall outside our bedroom - somehow peeled off the wallpaper/plaster right to the metal stuff that forms the corner. Again, while dh was in charge!

[Umlellala]

Edam, we (sisters and I - usually very 'good' children) used to pick all the woodchip off the wallpaper - and the pebbledash from the back garden wall. Was compulsive.

[VictorianSqualor]

I agree with edam that two days is a long time for this age.
With Ds I have to try and remember that to him an hour is like a day!
Hence the fact I can tell him 'just give me 5 minutes' and he'll be back in 30 seconds

[Sherbie]

I agree about the 2 day thing, but... she can be timed out for forever and doesn't care. She's fond of her own company and can occupy herself with nothing for a very long time. I wondered if I tried 2 days that the next day she would realise what she had done. And that does seem to work - she understands and tells me why she can't have her books. Someone else recommended giving her something to destroy (to vent her destructiveness) but I don't know whether this might make it worse so I'm a bit frightened to try! Edam - the neatly segregated petals is interesting. She has a thing for uniformity. Neat lines, rows of stuff, things in height order, all very OCD. Wonder if that's got anything to do with the specific things she destroys? She just can't resist. That's the real problem. It's like sitting in front of a pile of chocolate!

[edam]

Oh yes, Um's brought back memories of being a child woodchip picker. Even more satisfying, though, was 'bursting' the bubbles in the anaglypta wallpaper. Sorry Sherbie but now I remember the fascination I'm on dd's side!