Help with problems getting a 5 week old to settle for sleep at night

[themadsinger]

We have a 5 week old daughter (Madison) who was 3 weeks premature. Unfortunately, my other half got into the habbit of allowing Madison to sleep on her and we are now in the situation where she will not sleep at night unless she is on one of us. In the day she will go down in her chair or in her basket OK ? it is at night that we have the problem. When she sleeps like that, she often goes 4 ? 5 hours between feeds (every couple of hours during the day). She is being breast fed. I am currently trying to break that habit and last night was the second night.

First night actually went quite well. She went down at 19:00 in her basket in our room ok ? although I think she was asleep from being fed. She woke at 21:00 for a feed and it took me an hour to get her back settled. When she cried I would calm her, mainly by picking her up for a minute or so and then putting her back down, each time letting her cry for a bit ? sometime up to 10 minutes if it was stop start crying as it usually was. She woke about every 2 hours in the night for a feed but was actually quite good re-settling. The other half was rocking her in her basket a bit but not completely back to sleep.

Last night was terrible. Again went down at 19:00 no problem but probably asleep same as before. She was fed at 22:00 when she woke up and it then took 2 hours to settle her ? actually had to feed her again at 23:30 before she went down.

Woke up at just after 3 for a feed and it was gone 4:30 before she settled ? I was on the verge of throwing in the towel when she finally stopped. My other half is not good at night and this does not help me with her sighing etc all the time. She supports what I am trying to do in the day but at night displays of such support are absent and this makes it even more difficult for me.

Am I doing the right thing or is she too young to be doing this. How long should it take? Throwing this in with work is making this very difficult.

Thanks for any advice.

[KnickersOnMaHead]

Message withdrawn

[ConnorTraceptive]

Personally I think 7pm is very early to be putting a 5 week old down for the night, but thats only because I haven't done it.

With both my DS's we started a little bedtime routine of bath at 9.30pm and then feed in dark bedroom, then down for the night. Obviously they woke for feeds in the night and I would put them straight down after feed.

Once they were going through from 10pm to 5am I started bring the bath/bed routine forward gradually by 15 minutes until they were going down at 7pm.

[ConnorTraceptive]

Like knicker's said it's a good idea to put her down whilst she's sleepy but not asleep.

[Naetha]

Maybe at 5 weeks old (and she should only be 2 weeks old, if that) she still needs that constant warmth and reassurance that her parents are there for her? She's had warmth and comfort for the last 9 months, why does it need to stop so abruptly now?

Sleep habits can be easily unlearned, so if all she really wants to do is sleep on you or your DW, then if it's not too much of a hassle for you, then let her.

We let DS sleep on us sporadically until he was about 8-10 weeks old, when he went into his cot in his own room without a hitch.

Personally as well, I think 5 weeks is far too young to be doing any kind of controlled crying. 10 minutes left alone crying will seem like an eternity for a 5 week old. Just be grateful she's sleeping in her basket during the day and going for decent spells between feeds at night!

[lulumama]

agree with naetha

we are talking about a 5 week old baby, one who actually is really 2 weeks old

babies need that warmth and closeness.. co sleeping can be very helpful in helping babies and parents to settle.

if she is breastfed, then madison sleeping on or with her mum, with quick easy access to the breast would surely be a good thing

don;t worry about sleep habits now!

if baby is breastfed, why are you settling the baby at night?

am a bit confused

[Naetha]

Sorry I didn't mean to sounds so preachy! I just remember everyone practically shouting "rod for your own back" whenever we talked about letting DS sleep on us, or letting him fall asleep while feeding etc. I just remember thinking that he should be doing this and that, regardless of whether it was actually what he wanted to do.

[berolina]

Gosh, she's hardly out of the womb, don't experct routines and 'settling'. Go with the flow for now (and IME for many weeks/months to come). Much too early to attempt to break 'habits' of any kind. Co-sleeping the way forward here IMO!

[MrsBadger]

Naetha is spot on, as is Lulu

when dd was this age we didn't 'put her down' and expect her to be happy without us - she slept on one of us or (if we could put her down without waking her) in the moses basket on the living room floor. When we went to be we just took her up with us.

have you tried cosleeping? And (as Lulu says) if she's bf why re you up with her at night? Will she not feed to sleep?

(NB the end of your first paragraph: "he is being breast fed. I am currently trying to break that habit" could be interpreted to mean that you're trying to stop her bfing - please reassure me that this isn't the case...)

[berolina]

Btw, her behaviour makes physiological sense. She is safer in sleep when close to you.

[2point4kids]

If baby wants to sleep with you and you both get a bit more sleep thst way then go with it!

Are you babys Dad or is it you bf'ing? If you are bf'ing then it might help to get your partner to settle the baby straight after a feed if you know that she is not hungry, then the baby wont smell the milk.

[coolbeans]

I think it's great that you are getting involved in the nighttime wake ups, I wish my OH would have done so...
However, Madison really is too young for any kind of sleep training or habit breaking. Feed her when she asks, (is your partner expressing? She might take a bottle although she's, again, a bit young to introduce that if breastfeeding is not fully established).
And letting her cry for 10 mins isn't good -it just isn't appropriate yet. That is probably what your partner's sighs are all about - it is very hard hearing your baby cry, (not that it isn't for you), but it kind of tugs at you in a way that you can't control.
Let hthe little one sleep anyway you can get her to at the moment. It'll soon change - these first few months are pretty hard, but will soon be a distant memory.

[lillypie]

This is a tiny baby and she needs you,just go with what works best for you and her for now.I hardly put my DD down for the first 10 weeks and then she developed her own routine.
Relax and enjoy this wonderful time with your baby it passes VERY quickly

[themadsinger]

I am the dad and no, I am not trying to stop the bf'ing.

Thanks for all the replies

[alice123]

sorry to say this but I don't think 5 week olds do settle at night - especially not premature ones. The first 3 months with my DS were a complete blur of night and day and he was 2 weeks overdue and weighed 9 and a half pounds!

I think 9 - 10 pm is when he went to sleep usually for 2 hours and then up every 2 hours for about 1/2 hour after!

At about 4 months he started to sleep for longer and around 6 months started to settle at 7.30pm (still woke at night though).

I am sure things will improve but I think it'll take a few months rather than weeks.

[Smamfa]

Can your DP figure out how to feed lying down? I had a CS and it made to world of difference once I mastered that bit. Baby falls asleep on the bed (usually on a muslin or blanket for ease of sliding) & moved to a place of safety later. Course, it's a lot easier with a summer baby..

[wasabipeanut]

Sorry but I think 5 weeks is way too early to be trying to break habits despite what the baby trainers say. My ds slept on us for his first 11 weeks which was a bit tricky at time but you adapt. We co slept as well and made the transition to cot at 3 months which was a bit tricky but not too bad. Didn't do controlled crying - just stayed with him until he settled.

The idea that you need to break "bad habits" from birth I think is quite damaging. Just enjoy the cuddles and ignore any "rod for own back" comments.