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Behaviour problems 12yr old daughter

(7 Posts)
angelflower Mon 17-Jan-05 12:40:44

I am having a terrible time with my daughter lately,she is getting even more angry and aggressive as time goes on,she actually raised her fist to me this morning in pure anger.She was being bullied at school,but we managed to sort out this issue,now she does not want to go to school at all,even though everything is now fine,she has got some really great friends,if nothing goes her way she makes my life a misery.i am at my wits end as i dont know what to do,would be grateful of any advice on this matter thankyou

angelflower Mon 17-Jan-05 12:42:46

If any of you mums have had the same problem please reply to message

sassy Mon 17-Jan-05 16:54:29

Not experienced this as a parent (DDs are aged 2 years and newborn!) but I have been Head of Year 8 at a high school so have some experience of grotty adolescents!
Something I found helpful was getting the girls to chart their grumpy days. Even when they hadn't actually started their periods yet, their grottiness was often cyclical - knowing this helped them see a reason for feeling the way they did and evenhelped them control it a little as they kind of knew when to expect it.
Have you been in touch with the school to check how she is when she is actually there? It may be that she is happy enough when there, just the thought of it is what bothers her IYKWIM.
Sure some mums with teenagers will have more hands on advice for you - might be worth posting this on the Teenagers board as well as here. HTH.

fostermum Mon 17-Jan-05 17:31:20

it proberly is hormonal,are you sure the bullying has stopped?does she know what is making her angry?how about some sport to channel the anger safely away from violence?can you talk to her or get her to write what she's feeling down and how she feels she can be helped to control it in her words

GRMUM Mon 17-Jan-05 17:55:11

It is hard isn't it? Has she started her periods yet? Do you think she's likely to start them soon? (not a silly question- with dd we were expecting them by the time they started from changes in body/skin/behaviour etc) I also agree with the others about keeping in touch with the school to see if the bullying really has gone away. Will she talk to you? Can she tell you what is making her feel so angry? Are you clashing continually about small things? If yes maybe you need to step back a bit and let the small things go for a while - scary I know but I have found with my 2 teenagers that it is a good idea to ignore the small stuff and only get het up about the bigger more serious disagreements. My personal experiance so far is that my teenage daughter (14) is far more moody and tempermental than ds(15)

fostermum Mon 17-Jan-05 18:52:31

i agree choose the battles with DD,small things arnt worth the trouble,is she haveing boy trouble?unrequited love?open the way and let her talk,she may tell you whats bothering her

Amanda3266 Mon 17-Jan-05 19:22:09

Hi angelflower,

I've not had this but my 15 year old niece is exactly the same. My sister has had problems with her all the way through her senior years. Like your daughter she was being bullied too and has raised her fist to my sister on a couple of occasions. Her younger sisters also suffer at times.
The school thing is the same (although at the moment she is going as she leaves in July). Some mornings my sister has had to drive her to the school and on one occasion DNiece sat in the car and refused to get out. My poor sister, all flustered, got out of the car to go into the school and ask for help - not realising that she had left her keys behind. Within seconds dear niece had locked herself in the car and it took a teacher 30 mins to persuade her out!!!{shock]

It could be tied up with the bullying but more likely it's hormonal and beavioural - as fostermum says - pick and choose about what you fight back about.
You are definitely not alone

Sorry - that's not really alot of help is it?

Mandy

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