Friend's DS (7) lies a lot, any tips on dealing with it?(9 Posts)
I've known the friend for a while as an aquaintance but recently we've become close. The whole family are going through an awful time due to bereavment etc.. there's so much it's quite unbelievable. Friend's DS (age 7) is a lovely boy who has behavioural problems and sees specialists because of this.
I'd noticed that he spins yarns but didn't realise how blatantly he lies. His mum has now told me that he does it. I'm struggling though as I want to be there for her and them but don't know how to deal with the lies? It's knowing what's true and what isn't? It may sound trivial but I'm teaching my sons not to lie and if they see him doing it all the time they may copy?
Has anyone had experience of this?
When you say he spins yarns, what kind of thing does he say, jd? This sounds like just making things up all the time (a lot of kids do this) - is it more serious than that?
Hi juniper, sorry to hear of your friend's problems. My (older) boys have gone through periods of lying but nothing serious, just to save themselves from getting into trouble usually IYSWIM!
Have you had a look at the BBC parenting website, there's loads of good info on there and there's a section about children telling lies
the first sections about stealing, but scroll down the page and you'll hopefully find some good advice
cheers for that LMB
JanH, an example is he brought a bag of my DSs money to his mum and I the other day and said my DS had given it to him. He hadn't and I knew that as DS1 isn't the sort to give money away, especially not all of it! He does this sort of thing a lot plus he exagerates wildly. Other than that he's a darling and I'm not going to avoid him it's just very hard for me to deal with.
Just looked on that site LMB and there's a big article that was very helpful
From what I remember of my kids and their friends at this age, this kind of lying is the negative side of having a very good imagination, IYSWIM. Some kids are firmly grounded in reality and hardly ever make anything up and others practically live in a fantasy world - which isn't to say it's harmless and shouldn't be dealt with but I think it is a stage they grow out of as the real world creeps in.
Plus there are the factors mentioned in the BBC page like saying things that they wish were true.
If you talk to your sons about it I would try to avoid the word "lying" - just call it "making up stories" or something?
Our DSD tends to make up stories (we sometimes call them fibs) - most of the tall tales are comparative - DD has a headache so DSD has a headache, DD has been somewhere so DSD has been there too. I have been known to say "Its not a competition" to DSD especially in the pain fibs but generally they are fairly harmless "I am not going to get into trouble" or active imagination fibs. She has tried to tell the most outrageous fibs about homelife with her BM but now that she realises we talk to each other they have stopped (heaven only knows what was being said about our household!)
Last week I explained to DD that the reason why DSD sometimes made things up was so that she didn't feel like she had missed out on anything that DD had done and really this was a lovely thing to do as it meant she wanted to be like her (sort of a copying thing) and as long as DD understood that sometimes she would be told things that weren't necessarily true we should just be nice about it and that was part of why we loved her. Perhaps you could try that approach (DD likes the idea that everyone is different and no one is the same)
thanks for the input. I do just say that friend's son is telling a little story/tale rather than lie.
What does DSD mean btw?
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