Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

What are your 5/6 year old DCs like when they have a friend round to visit? Is DD awful because she's an only child?

11 replies

kategarden · 15/05/2008 20:43

Basically she is fine with children she knows really well (next door neighbour, plus one other long standing friend). Apart from that she wants to invite friends home from school, but it is really hard work.
She is very reluctant to share toys, pens etc, and tends to throw a wobbly at the slightest thing. Its also really hard to get her to pay attention to what her visitor might like to do, and not, for instance, wander off and read a book mid visit.
Am I being unreasonable to expect it to have got easier by this age? I don't want to stop her having friends home, as otherwise I don't see how it will ever improve, but I am getting close to that point. I already limit the length of visits to a couple of hours after school with tea in the middle.

OP posts:

Report

Rosieglow · 15/05/2008 21:32

My ds (5) is fine with sharing things but he does tend to get just really, really silly / bonkers. Literally bouncing off the walls. I think its sort of over-exitement mixed with shwoing off. It can be really embarassing - his friends look at him like he's gone nuts.

It's getting better now he's had the same friends around a few times. SOmetimes I have to set things up (car tracks etc) to get them into something or I just tell his friends to ignore him and play with whatever they want!

Report

avenanap · 15/05/2008 21:41

My ds used to go bananas, he's calmed down as he's got older. He's nice and shares, he didn't when he was 5/6 though so I think this is an age thing. He's an only child.

Report

KatieScarlett2833 · 15/05/2008 21:42

See my thread on AIBU. Mine become little feckers when they have friends round.

Report

kategarden · 15/05/2008 21:47

I wonder if you're right about overexcitement. It is better if I set things up, if I'm happy to join in & do some sort of activity like cooking then its ok. Maybe I just have to be willing to put in more time and be patient with DD? I'm glad to hear that she's not the only one who's horrible with her friends round - sometimes I wonder why they come back .

OP posts:

Report

kategarden · 15/05/2008 21:53

and about your AIBU thread. I am just the same - I get much less cross about things like that - just because dd is always completely upset and embarassed at having got it so wrong that I know she won't do it again.
Come to think of it, last time she had a friend round, they had such a good time making a 'treasure hunt' that I couldn't find them for 45 minutes and was having conniptions about having to explain to friend's dad when he turned up that I had no idea at all where his child was other than somewhere within 85 acres of farm.
But then . . . the sun was shining. Maybe only friends round when its sunny? (and make sure that they know on pain of death not to go out of earshot)

OP posts:

Report

MadBadandDangeroustoKnow · 15/05/2008 21:56

Your daughter sounds very like mine. I think being an only child plays a small part here - they don't have as much day to day experience of having to share or compromise - but it's more (I think) to do with excitement, over-stimulation, being tired after school and showing off.

Report

BEAUTlFUL · 15/05/2008 22:00

Lol at your DD wandering off to read a book mid-visit! My DS1 is almost 5, and is an awful host: "I'll just show you how to play the Playstation... No, you can't have a go yet because I am teaching you.. Get off it! It's my game! Muuu-uummm!" etc, for 2 hours.

Report

kategarden · 15/05/2008 22:00

That's probably true. DD isn't great at sharing or compromising anyway - I know from her teachers that its an issue at school, although I think she's got a bit better with time. And she does get very excited very easily. I guess I just have to persevere and hope it will get better.

OP posts:

Report

Spidermama · 15/05/2008 22:00

I think the only child thing does play a part here. There are three or four only kids my children have visited who've behaved in a similar way. That said, I think it's even more important for only children to learn to overcome this. It must be hard when, during the day to day, there's no competition whatsoever for toys and belongings and then someone comes in and starts using your stuff. I totally understand why that would be difficult ... and a steeper learning curve.

Report

FairyMum · 15/05/2008 22:02

I have 4 children and I think the only children we know are more relaxed about sharing than mine are. I think its down to personality and not really an "only child" thing. If you have siblings you really learn to fight for your possessions/ My house is like a jungle

Report

kategarden · 15/05/2008 22:10

Its an interesting question. Its complicated a bit by the fact that we live in a housing co-op, so we have shared things and personal things. DD is the youngest child in the co-op, so she tends to have to fight for a turn with communal toys, space on swings, trampoline etc - but (unlike if she had siblings) her personal stuff is left alone. So maybe we have the worst of both worlds!
On the other hand, we have lots of space and she is fine playing with the other children here (at least in terms of sharing, they fight often enough for other reasons!), so I'm not complaining.
I think perhaps I'm just overoptimistic when friends come round from school, as I expect to just be able to leave them to get on with it.