Ok at my wits end now - go to sleep baby

[tuttuttut]

My 9mo ds is upstairs in his cot screaming blue murder. He is very very tired but as usual won't sleep. I've got a miserable cold and period pain and i just feel so fed up. He used to be brilliant at going to sleep in the day but now getting in the car and driving round for an hour. I've got so much to do in the house plus i feel rubbish and i'm just not getting in the car now. His room is dark and quiet, he goes off beautifully at bedtime. He just does his new shriek thing and hits me and pushes me away when i try to comfort him. I'm so fed up, if i didn't know better i'd have shook him earlier but i just put him in his cot and shut the door. He's always so grumpy presumably because he's always tired. Help please!

[bearmama]

Sorry to hear this. I wear earplugs to take the edge off. Do you have painkillers/cold meds?
Dont want to patronise but could be wind/colic/teething, and he's not nec pushing you away, could just seem like that because he's agitated.
When my DD does this I hold her and if winding doesnt work I twist from side to side, she likes the movement.
Only have experience of newborn, but other Mners will be along soon X

[Meandmyjoe]

My ds is 9 months too and exactly the same. I can so relate to the driving around for an hour just to get him to sleep in the day. I would just try and go infor a minute to calm him a bit but then leave. I know it's hard and sooooo depressing to hear them scream. If you're sure he's tired and not in pain then it's for the best that he goes to sleep!

I also relate to the grumpy baby thing too. I just came back from town where I bumped into an old friend with her perfectly happy, content ds. Mine never cracked a smile and still fussed even though he was in the sling.

Hard work, I sympathise!

[tuttuttut]

Thanks for the quick replies. Touch wood he's gone off now, it's gone quiet! Meandmyjoe just had a nosy at your profile, funny we're the same age, both got married in summer 06 and both have 9mo dss, who are both grumpy!

[Meandmyjoe]

Oooo what a coincidence! Not often I come accross people with grumpy babies like mine, never mind ones who are my age! My friends all seem to be finding it so very easy. I really have questioned what the hell I'm doing wrong. My baby is so very very grumpy. He does smile but is very whingey, still cries loads. Doesn't like to be cuddled, has to be on the go all the time. Bit of a bugger really

Glad you're ds is asleep!

[kitbit]

Around 9 months ds suddenly had a growth spurt and started working on walking, and whenever either of these happens it always mucks up his sleep. I realised he had outgrown his previous routine, could a change around help a bit? Try the nap(s) at a different time of the day, move bedtime, change snacks and meals a bit and generally shuffle about a bit. Always used to work with ds, might help a bit?

[tuttuttut]

Your ds sounds exactly like mine, always wants to be off doing his own thing hates being cuddled, always stood up, gets easily frustrated and now shrieks at me if i move him away from something/take something off him. Very highly strung! You're lucky i'm really the first of my friends to have a baby and where i live there are lots of babies but most of the mothers are closer to 40 so it's quite hard fitting in in m&b groups etc.

[Meandmyjoe]

I wouldn't say it's lucky really. It's actually heartbreaking as my friend's babies are all so bloody happy and easy! I kind of just pretend that mines the same and avoid them

It's hard isn't it? Where abouts are you?? Don't suppose you're anywhere near Lincolnshire are you??

[tuttuttut]

Thanks, i have found recently he wants to go to bed more like 8pm rather than 7pm and get up at 8am. We have however tried various nap times, putting him down before he gets really tired etc but he just won't relax. Really can't think what to do. He's up now btw nice 10 min nap in the end! Just was stood up in his gro bag lol.

[Meandmyjoe]

Wow it's uncanny. My ds takes stupidly short naps too. Also last night I had to go lay him down as he had stood up in his grow bag but must have been half asleep as was stood slumped against the bars of his cot still asleep!

[twinkleymum]

Hello again Meandmyjoe. Tuttuttut, another grumpy baby here, 6mo DD, I've got a cold too, and I've also spent many an hour driving DD to sleep (avoiding traffic lights, if I stop she wakes up). Its very frustrating when they are so tired but just wont sleep I know.

Some babies are much more hard work than others! Big hugs to you, I just take one day at a time thinking it must get easier sometime, and more often than not the next day isn't so bad. When you're tired or ill it really is hard work, dont give yourself a hard time xx

[tuttuttut]

Afraid not, manchester. I suppose you're right i don't have much to compare him to. My dh always says you'd worry if he was really chilled out and just sat there doing nothing? Hmm would i?!

[goldpony]

Just to let you know, my DD is one now and all the babies we knew that were grumpy in the early days are cheery little souls now. There's no knowing what is going through their little minds, try to really cherish the happy moments to get you through the miserable ones. This is just a stage. I promise you!

Someone mentioned growth spurt above, this might be part of it. Plus, don't babies have an intense period of seperation anxiety at about 9 months too? It's so hard when they bat you away, but try to remember he doesn't really know what he's doing and he def doesn't know how it makes you feel. Have you tried playing music in his bedroom? Mozart worked for my DD from time to time. Good luck.

[Meandmyjoe]

Mmm my sister always says that I'd be worried if he were really placid and sluggish??? Mmmm I really don't think I would! I'd put my feet up and enjoy him for a change!

Ey up Twinkleymum, LOL at the traffic lights, I remember ds used to wake and scream everytime we stopped, thankfully he stays asleep now but still isn't happy in his carseat awake. Always have to time longer journeys around naps!

[Meeely2]

Personally, I never left my two to scream at nap time. If they were grumpy I would take them up, if they yelled for more than 5 mins I would go get them again and try again half an hour later. I only ever did the "leave them to cry" thing at bedtime as I felt it was more important they learned to go to bed properly at bedtime, than to sleep in the day.

If you don't push the nap thing, after a few days they will be so shattered they will go down for a nap without a murmer. Also have you tried a walk round the village/town you live in with the buggy, and when asleep, return home and leave sleeping baby in buggy, rather than driving around for an hour with no where to go?

[Meandmyjoe]

I find the opposite Meeely, if he gets too tired he is even more likely to scream as he is overtired. Babies like ours tend to 'wind up' when they;re tired instead of 'winding down'. If we don't get them to sleep, they will only scream thorough tiredness anyway.

[twinkleymum]

I used to take DD out in the pram 3x per day, but this can be exhausting if you have a cold, and sometimes the weather is bad. The car is only occaisional.

[Meeely2]

fair enough, just a thought - one of my DT's was the grumpiest baby I had ever known (i only had his bro to compare him to, and he was angelic!), and found if at the first nap attempt he screamed he would like you say wind himself up...and then heaven forbid if you tried to comfort, sooth or settle, but as I learned later (he is 3.5 now), if I didn't let him get to the screaming point - went and fetched him at the grumbling "I don't wanna be here mummy" stage, and played with him for another half hour, he seemed (to me anyway) more willing to go down, like we had played out his tiredness and he was more chilled.

Every child is different, I know that, so none of my advice is "do this, do that", it's just, heres what I did, maybe it will help.... i was a slave to my routine in the early days, and would go into panic mode when they moved up a developmental stage and no longer fitted into the routine we had be following previously....I would literally not know what to do with myself. Somewhere along the line, I started to listen to the boys and let them dictate (a bit anyway) what they wanted to do. Just before they were one I think it was, I used to be able to say around 10am "are you tired boys, wanna go sleeps?" and they would crawl to the door to the upstairs if they were tired - took a lot of the guess work out of it.

Are your babies breast or bottle fed? do they still have a bottle/feed in the day? Could you do that feed at naptime - help them drop off?

[tuttuttut]

Meeely my ds hasn't had a proper (longer than 15mins) in 3 days! And before that it was only for being in the car. He doesn't stop screaming if i get him out of his cot he just screams and wriggles so there's little point in me keep going and getting him, he's too tired. At night he gets himself off to sleep with no screaming etc and doesn't wake til morning. It's easy to say bedtime is more important but when you're on your own with a tired grumpy baby past 11am it's exhausting. That and the fact that you never get that nap time to yourself to eat/do housework/your hair etc!

[Meandmyjoe]

Wow, you were actually able to ask them if they WANTED to nap! That's very impressive, well done you Meeely. I can't ever imagine my ds actually wanting to sleep in the day!! Would you just confirm something though Meely, just to reassure me! Is the grumpy twin still grumpy?? Or is he OK now?!! I really worry if ds will ever be happy!

I know exactly what you mean tuttut, my ds is so good at night but the days can be hellish when he's tired and dh is at work. He's not really a fan of his pushchair either. Wants to be up in my arms but God help me if I try and actually SIT and cuddle him. He squirms and cries to get away. He's just awkward I think!

[tuttuttut]

Sorry if i sounded short in that last message, just re read and i'm clearly grumpy too! I think i might try the classical music in his room, worth a go. Meeely your boys sound amazing with the crawling to the door if they were tired. Can't imagine Riley ever doing that, he's just feral i think!

[Meeely2]

grumpy twin is now light of my life and the angelic one has turned into devil incarnate - so we can't have it all!

I agree with the person who said they have a growth sport at 9 months ish and 'think' they should be able to do everything and really can't understand it when they can't. A lot of baby tantrums are sheer frustration about not being able to express themselves properly (god don't I sound wise, believe me, I WAS you when mine were 9 months, times 2, BUT I wouldn't be here now if it didn't get better believe me!).

Also point out the boys are nursery full timers, so seperation anxiety didn't affect them like it might other babies who are with mummy 24x7. And i know what you mean about no time to do anything - at one stage my boys napped at different times, so always had one baby to contend with even if one was blissfully asleep for 2 hours!

Best piece of advice I can give I guess is hang in there - but if it was me and I know what I do now about my little ones, I honestly wouldn't force the nap thing (sorry if I sound condescending!), and just prop eyes open with matchsticks, put houseowrk on hold for a few days more, wear out baby with lots of play, books, walks and eventually they will give in! (i hope!)

[Meandmyjoe]

Ahh I've heard a lot of people say that grumpy babies actually are just fristrated and actually are incredibly good childen and often easier than others who were angels. Not sure if tht's people trying to cheer me up though!

[chloemegjess]

My DD is like that, although I have now started putting her down for a nap at the very first sign of tiredness, I know it doesnt seem to make sense, but she went to sleep quicker, and slept longer!! BUT she is still like yours when we are out as she doesnt want to sleep when there is stuff going on and she isn't in her cot, so ends up so miserable, she is only 4.5 months though so maybe different