I've been informed that DS2 has social & emotional concerns in class. His teacher is worried. :-(

[Pinkchampagne]

I am separated from the boys dad, and one of the biggest things that drove me to do that was the effect his behaviour may have on my children.

I have been living alone with the boys for a year now, and it appears I have maybe damaged them further.

DS2 (who was always my more confident child) has been wetting himself a lot at school & is described as very quiet with litle self confidence. His teacher is vey concerned about him.

Yesterday he had another accident at shool (he is just 5), and told the teacher he was scared that daddy was going to put him in nappies. I had no idea that ex H had used this as a threat, and was very angry.
I have told DS that nobody would ever put him in nappies because he is a big boy, and asked if anything is making him feel sad or worried, and he has said "no"

I feel so upset that damage is still being done to my boys.
They see him regually, and love seeing their dad, but have no idea of the kind of things he is filling their head with when I am not around.

I will of course have words with ex H when I see him next, and explain the concerns school have with DS's emotional well being, but I don't know how much difference it will make.

I just feel so awful, and don't know what else I can do to improve things.

[Pinkchampagne]

The thing is, I don't know what ex H is saying to the boys when I am not around.
The woman I work with said to me that this is why children end up screwed up after divorce, because there is no united front. This made me feel worse.
What can I do?

[cadelaide]

I have no experience of your situation PC, but i do know that wetting at school at 5 is not at all uncommon.

I think it's probably very important for the teacher not to make too much of a "thing" of it.

[Pinkchampagne]

Thank you both for your posts.

The wetting is quite a recent thing, and he says he is too shy to ask certain teachers to go to the toilet - so that alone wouldn't worry me too much.
It is the fact he is wetting alongside these problems settling in class & the confidence issues.
Also, she said he seemed terrified after wetting yesterday because he thought daddy was going to put him in nappies.
I had no idea that ex H had threatened him with this until yesterday.

[AbbeyA]

I don't think that the teacher is 'out of order' to tell you. She is very concerned; if I was the parent then I would be very pleased that she had told me. School and home should be a partnership. Do you get on well enough with your ex to set up a meeting with both of you and the school? He might take it seriously if it is not just you.

[Pinkchampagne]

I think batters was referring to te teacher I work with, who made the comment about divorce messing up children, rather than DS's class teacher.

A meeting might be a good idea. I will talk to his teacher & ex H about this possibility.

[Pinkchampagne]

Excuse my typing. My keyboard keeps sticking!

[Pinkchampagne]

Sorry, x posted with you, batters. I see we posted pretty much the same message!

[AbbeyA]

I have just re read it to see where I had missed the comment but I see that you are now agreeing that it wasn't the class teacher.
I am glad that you like the idea of the school meeting-sometimes it helps to have an outsider.