Anger management

[kernowcat]

My son lost his temper with a girl at school recently and shouted at her and pushed her because she annoyed him. He is on detention and the School have dealt with the situation very well, this is the first time he has behaved like this at school and everyone is shocked as previously he was a model pupil. He will NOT talk about it to anyone and I need to discuss this with him tonight. Should he be punished further ? (eg no TV for a week or being grounded)

[ourdarling]

Yes do take it further. l would suggest you ask him to write the girl a 'sorry' card to be given on Monday morning. Hopefully by the end of the weekend he would told you his version of events. You could tell him you want to punish him, but hope this one off is just that.

[breeze]

How old is your son?.

Perhaps he fancied her and won't discuss it as too shy.

I think the sorry card is a good idea.

Although I would like to know more about why he did it before I punished my son further.

Good luck

[dawnie1]

I think I would try to speak to him to find out more. Perhaps this girl was teasing him or bullying him and he was reacting to that? If its a one off I doubt he would just blow up at her for no reason !?!

[kernowcat]

He is 11yrs and in his first year of secondary school. He was talking to a friend on the bus and she kept eavesdropping. He needs to learn ways of coping with situations without resorting to violence or agressive behavior. He is of the opinion that he 'knows best' and is quite mature in some ways and not in others. My partner ( not ds's dad) thought the same thing about maybe he fancies the girl? He is trying really hard to talk to him more in the hope that he will open up.
Thanks for the support it helps to know there's others out there.

[cornflake]

Your son probably doesn't even know himself why he got so angry so might find it hard to put it in to words anyway. I have had some bouts of behaviour like this with my stepson at a similar age. We made him apologise and talked to him about what he could do differently next time he feels so cross. 11 years old is just on the verge of the dreaded tenage turmoil and they change so much in their first year at secondary school. It doesn't excuse his behaviour, but unless your instinct tells you differently, his anger at times could be just all that mish mash going on and not anything more sinister.

[kernowcat]

I think there maybe some unconscious resent or anger about situations from his chilhood that he doesn't even remeber clearly or am I transfering my feelings that I haven't sorted out onto him?
Whoa sorry this is getting abit heavy isn't it?

[open]

If it happened on the bus and not at school, why did the school punish him?

He's done one thing wrong and had one punishment. I wouldn't take it further, other than to reassure him that you are available to talk through any issues he may have. Also discuss with him ways of dealing with this if it happens again.

If the girl was eavesdropping on him, it seems unfair that he is punished and has to give her a 'sorry' card. She is not blameless herself.