Why is my daughter so good at nursery ?

[mummyloveslucy]

She is 3 years old and usually a little angel. She does have a strong will though and is going through a bit of a bossy phase at home.
What I don't get is that when I ask her to do somthing she dosn't want to eg- get dressed, eat her dinner she refuses and start acting all silly and running around. But as soon as her teacher tells her to do or stop doing somthing, she does it streight away.
At nursery last week I went to collect her and she got in to a little car and refused to get out. I tried to get her to come out, then the teacher said Lucy come on out of the car now, and Lucy said O.K and got out. How can I get her to do that for me ?
I don't want her teachers to think were too soft or give in to her because we don't. Any ideas ??

[mummyloveslucy]

P.S If I try to take a strict no nonsence approach, she squeels with laughter and runs away hoping I'll chase her. If I just ignore her then she's happy because she won't have to do whatever I've asked of her. Can anyone let me in to the secret??

[loulou33]

Its much easier for your dd's teacher - expect dd is a bit scared of her tbh!! Sounds like she sees you as a playmate, which is good except when you want to get tough.

I would try the "if you do x (put clothes on) then we'll do y (play). Or if you dont do x, you won't get to do y. Works for me and ds is 2 1/2. He tests it now and then but as long as i stick to what i promise/threaten it seems to work....

[choosyfloosy]

Because you only show what you really feel to the people you really love. That's why.

I bet she doesn't climb on the teachers' lap and give her lots and lots of kisses either.

[loulou33]

that's what i was trying to say floosy but couldn't get the words right!! She trusts you so she can show her emotions (ie anger,frustration) rather than having to control them. Its important she practises these skills with you!!!

DS is often fab at nursery and a terror for an hour after coming home. I think he's letting off steam but sometimes goes too far (kicking, biting etc out of excitement or frustration rather than 'nastiness'). Never done any of this at nursery (fingers crossed)

[mummyloveslucy]

Somtimes this will work and somtimes it won't, depending on her mood. Maybe I should tell her that I'll ask mrs X to move in with us.
She isn't a scary teacher, she is lovely but she has a knack of keeping the children in line and they all do as she tells them.

[mummyloveslucy]

That is really lovely and reasuring. Thanks.XX

[ouryve]

Because she feels safe playing up for you. DS1 is 4, autistic and prone to extremely oppositional behaviour. I've found the best approach with him is the one in the love and logic books, modified to his own understanding of language. "OK, so if you don't want to put your trousers on now, you're welcome to go and sit in the corner before you put them on. Corner now or trousers now?" usually yields results. "Put your trousers on!" usually ends in a bigger battle.

[cmotdibbler]

My mum was an infant teacher for 40 years, and got asked this a lot by parents. She reckons that the children did as she told them because she was always absolutely consistent - no was no, yes was yes, and her approach was always the same. As a parent you haven't had the experience of dealing with 100's of other children first to hone your approach.

[edam]

My sister was a nanny before having her own children. She was a fantastic nanny, got her babies/children to do whatever they had to do by positive attention/turning it into a game while being very firm. Yet when it came to her own child she found it just as hard as the rest of us, all the usual toddler battles etc. etc. etc.

The relationship between child and parent is just different to child and teacher. And the environment makes a big difference too - at nursery they are surrounded by other children all doing the same things at the same time, unlike at home.

I am not above using this to my advantage: 'Do you want me to tell Mrs Phillips you are late for school because you didn't want to put your trousers on.' Used sparingly, it works!