Appalling bout of separation anxiety - help!!!!!!

[NoMoomAtTheInn]

Ds (18 mo) is going through a serious bout of what I assume is separation anxiety and I do mean serious. He's been feeling grotty with a bad cold for the last week or so and was sickly all over Xmas, so has been almost constantly in my arms. He is getting over the cold now, but refuses point blank to be separated from me. He screams like a banshee if I so much as try to put him down, real blood-curdlers, and cries for hours, and it is getting exhausting. I spent half of last night on the sofa as when he woke in the night he went rigid and shrieked every time I tried to put him down in his cot.

I work in the mornings and he is looked after by my mum and dad. He has been refusing to go anywhere near them for days! They are getting pretty upset not to mention the stress of his constant screeching. He will calm down for a bit and then the slightest thing will set him off again. He is being pacified with a constant round of Baby Einstein vids (!!) but obviously that can't go on for too long... Also he is so wound up he isn't eating and hasn't eaten properly for a week now, which is getting worrying. I feel as if my little ds has been replaced by - something...

Is there anything I can do? Sorry, have to go off to work now but any replies would be appreciated!

[pantomimEDAMe]

If it's any help at all, my ds is the same age and also very clingy with me. And when he's ill - has a nasty cold that's waking him at night - screams if dh holds him and just wants me. Not as bad as your situation, but sending you bags of sympathy.

[debandmolly]

My 16 month old is the same when she's feeling grotty - v clingy - won't even go to her Dad! The advice I was given by my Health Visitor was always be truthful with them, don't sneak out when they're not looking or you'll break their trust in you and become more clingy than ever. Hope this helps?

[Moomina]

OK - more advice needed now I'm afraid!

He's pretty much recovered from the cold/ear infection nastiness which is great. But is still very, very clingy and having some superbly loud tantrums when anyone tries to get him into the buggy, change nappy, put him in the high chair, wants to be picked up all the time, etc etc etc. Now, I think this is pretty normal really, especially after a nasty illness. Annoying, frustrating, but normal.

The thing is, although I am no longer going to be at work every morning, there are some things I need to do in the next week or so that are really important to me and I can't miss them. University interviews, for one!

However, because of this clinginess and tantrumming my mum is telling me she can't cope with looking after him and I am being put under quite a lot of pressure not to leave the house! ('How can you even think of leaving him when he's like this?' etc)

My theory is that he is only clingy when he knows I'm around - i.e. if I go out he will yell for a few minutes and then settle down quite happily. And at 18 months he needs to have a little bit of independence and understand that mummy can't be there every second of every day, doesn't he? There is no-one else who can look after him except her and they have always been fine together in the past. I need some back-up that I am right to go and do what I need to do this week and that he will be fine!

Sorry if this sounds pathetic. I am in a difficult situation and feeling as though I can't get this right whatever I do!

[handlemecarefully]

I think your mum is being a bit unhelpful quite frankly (this is a normal phase of development / behaviour in most young toddlers), and your theory that he would calm down shortly after you left is almost certainly right.