6 year old with attitude, help

[costagirl]

My lovely 6 year old son is v bright, articulate and sensitive. He is energetic, sporty and enthusiastic - sounds a dream, so why do I find him such hard work? He wants to be the centre of attention a lot of the time (Mum, look what i can do), talks incessantly, mostly intelligent conversation and questions, but also throws enormous strops and argues the toss over EVERYTHING. I sat him down tonight and told him his behaviour over the weekend was dreadful (rude, ignoring people etc interspersed with being lovely) - he shouted "I am only 6, not 13 you know" and burst into tears. I couldn't answer that. He is like a teenager trapped in a 6 year old. I praise him lots, try to do special things with him (eg trip to see "Joseph" last week - delightful in the car there and back, behaved abysmally with his friend in there, even saying "I'm having the worst evening of my life"!) I'm finding it a constant battle, and it's so wearing. He does get lots of positive attention, and discipline, but I'm running out of ideas! Anyone else got a highly strung child and found ways of helping them chill out/improve behaviour? NB he is no problem at school, though likes to take the lead.

[Earlybird]

Hmmm - sound difficult and wearing. Is he an only?

[costagirl]

No, brother of 20 months- they adore each other. It upsets me that other people will think he's obnoxious (can't take criticism, hopeless at losing) when he is mostly a lovely, sensitive little boy who is far too articulate for his own good.

[Earlybird]

It's good to have a general talk about what is acceptable behaviour, but what do you do in the moment when he's being obnoxious?

[costagirl]

When he's being rude/cocky I try to pull him into line (that is not the way to speak to me/don't be so rude/stop showing off) - but balance this with lots of praise when he's lovely. He writes me endless letters saying he's sorry and loves me, then it all starts again the next day! Don't want to ban tv, as that's the only time he chills out, but as he is turning into Horrid Henry, wonder whether I should! I'm feeling like a totally crap parent at the moment - ironic, as have been teaching for 17 years and always had good discipline/relationships with kids! Part of me wants to pack a bag and have a weekend away with the baby - the 6 year old would be devastated, is it too unkind?

[czn]

Hi, the reason I came onto this website tonight was exactly the same reason as your problem. My son is 4.5 (can't believe it still goes on at the age of 6) and I could copy and paste your words exactly. I have been told that it is because he is very intelligent for his age and I should cherish it rather than find it hard work. I know exactly what you are going through but unfortunately can't offer any advice. I had strong words with him tonight about his constant need for attention although I doubt it will change. The only thing that works for me is to tell him that I will ignore him if he does horrible things to his sister to get my attention and that seems to work. I guess it is the worst thing that could happen to them in their world! Let me know if you get anywhere with it and good luck!

[IndigoMoon]

dd (5) nearly had me in tears this morning. she was insolent, ungrateful and rude.

then she was delightful for the rest of the day.

i have no suggestions. dd is also 5 going on 35 and is very articulate.

[Walnutshell]

Poss you already have, but it could be worth trying the 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' book? just to give you some different tactics which mean you don't end up in conflict even when he is being rude.

my ds is 2 so I will now bow out graciously

[DettaJnr]

You may as well be talking about my DS!!! I posted on here recently and was advised to get a book by Steve Biddulph call Raising Boys. It's definitely worth a read.

Talking to other mums and looking at threads from mumsnet, it would appear that you are not alone. HTH

[avenanap]

I have found a good one, the unwritten rules of friendship, it goes into why and how to be nice, why and how to show others you are listening, how not to be rude, it's very good. My ds was like this for a long time until I tried the book. Now he's lovely. You are definetly not alone. His behaviour improved so much at school he was given a certificate in assembly. He was exactly the same, obnoxious, opinionated, loud, didn't listen to others, disrespectful. Now he's not.

[Smee]

DS not yet four is like this too. Walking away is my best tactic, as most times now there's little point in explaining why I don't like what he's up to, as he's usually doing something that he knows I don't like to wind me up. I ask him nicely to stop explaining in simplest terms why it's not on, if he doesn't on second ask, then I say well I'm going to go and do some work (I work at home) and you can come and get me when you're ready to say sorry/ stop doing whatever it is. Most times it works. Definitely more effective if I don't get wound up too.

[costagirl]

Thank you so much for your messages - really helps to know I'm not alone!! Bright children can be a problem, because we expect more of them and forget they're only 5/6. I sat ds and husband down the other night and told them I'm fed up with the pair of them, and feel like going off on my own! Immediately received an affectionate letter from ds, who has had 2 better days, much nicer. Husband took no notice, of course! Will get the books you've suggested, thanks.