OK, please come ressure me one more time!!!!!!

[Meandmyjoe]

Hi, I recently posted about my grumpy ds (now 7.5 months) and said how he hates sitting down with people and can't seem to stay still for long, even to the point where he is sometimes rejecting his solids as he has to sit still to eat!

Well today my 4 family members came round and completely swamped ds and he began to have a meltdown when my grandmother tried to hold him. Even when I took him back, it was too late, the floodgates had been opened! He just seems so damn sensitive and bloody miserable. He doesn't cry non stop or inconsolably so I don't think he's in pain. Just seems irritable all day, hates buggy and car seat. Doesn't smile for many people dispite the fact that I take him out all the time. I know I've ranted on here before but my family seem to think I'm doing something wrong and I juat feel so crap today.

He seems really frustrated





He's still no

[Meandmyjoe]

Sorry, wrong button! Still not mobile and I think this is the prob!

[Meandmyjoe]

Was just wondering if this is really abnormal behaviour co my family seem to think I'm making him this way I just want him to be happy and I'm failing!

[Marne]

Dd was like this, i think some kids are just more sensitive than others, i would'nt worry, don't take any notice of what your family say.

[Meandmyjoe]

Thanks, it's just hard as I would love to spend time with my family as dh works very long hours and I would appreciate some company but I spend the whole time I'm around family dreading that he may cry and they just seem to think he's wierd and I'm not socialising him. It just makes me not go and see them which adds to their suspicions of me not socialising him if you see what I mean?!

i take him to baby stay and play groups and dh and I always take him out. I go to my friend's house with him but it doesn't matter whether he knows the person or not. He is so sensitive and can not sit without squirming or whinging.

[belgo]

Many children will be totally overwhelmed when being swamped by a group of adults.

I remember dd1 being a very frustrated hard to please baby, the good news is that she started feeling happier when she started crawling.

[Meandmyjoe]

Is your dd still sensitive? I dread that ds will be like this forever and he will never have friends! Maybe I'm exhaggerating but he just seems to hate everything.

[belgo]

My dd2 takes about two hours to 'warm up' in any social situation, and by the time is is warmed up, the playgroup or whatever is over!She just sits on my lap the whole time.

[WanderingTrollegg]

He sounds a lot like a boy I used to look after. He got much chirpier after he could move.

I have no idea how you can 'make' a baby like this because in my considerable experience, a baby's personality develops however it will develop and there's v little you can do to change it, no matter how hard you try to encourage the baby to be one of those ever smiling never crying textbook types.

You aren't failing or doing anything wrong. You boy sounds like he's full of personality adn knows exactly what he wants. At his age most babies start to dislike people they don't see much of, and even sometimes anyone who isn't mummy. You can tell your family you don't have time to see them as you're off to baby groups every day.

I would cheerfully offer your family the option of offering their opinions or shutting up, but to bear in mind that opinions are only welcome from those who don't want to see you or your ds. However, it might just be that - unless they are being directly critical - you are misinterpreting what they're saying. If they do think you're 'making him this way' please could they let me know how, because in 15 years of looking after babies I've yet to learn how to mould a personality.

He's fine. Don't worry.

[PrettyCandles]

OFGS! He's only 7m - what do they want of him? He's just coming into separation anxiety situation, and even the most confident of infants can be overwhelmed by too much attention. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you describe of your LO.

My family also tend to be all over the LOs, and I have to say and say over and over to let them be, let them get used to things at their own rate. Yuo need to treat little children and babies like cats: don't fuss, ignore them and they'll come to you when they're ready, fuss and they'll ignore you.

[Meandmyjoe]

Thanks all, I try and convince myself that ds is fine (or just a little sensitive) but every so often when my family say things it's hard not to get down about it! My Grandmother said "oooo Abby, you need to get him used to people" then looked at my uncle and said " isn't he strange??" refering to my ds. I have spent most of the afternoon fighting back the tears. That's my little boy that she thinks is strange! How dare she? He may not be the type of angel baby she is used to but he's an angel compared to what he used to be!

[WanderingTrollegg]

HA!

This is your family's way of deflecting the 'blame' because your ds doesn't adore them like he adores you. It's jealousy. He is used to people, he's just discerning And tell your uncle, He's strange? Think how you look to him!

Tell them he only likes good looking people, it's not his fault they're a bunch of munters Obv you and he are genetic throwbacks and extremely good looking.

[Meandmyjoe]

Hahaha, thank you! I will tell them that! I think you're right actually, a lot of it with my Grandmother (and just about all my family except my sister!) stems from jellousy. They hate that they don't see much of ds and me but surely they realise if they weren't like this they'd see a whole lot more of us! It really annoys me tht they flock round him and talk so loudly (practically shout at him!) He doesn't like it and I'm not suprised! My uncle was grabbing ds' arms and flapping them around like he's some sort of bloody toy. They don't see him as a little person. Just something to 'play' with.

[lizziemun]

Meandmyjoe I can completly understand how you feel dd2 is 6.5mths and she is bloody miserable and has been since she was born, will cry for hours and nothing will pacify her.

I have to say has got much better since we put her in a baby walker (i know not everyone likes them) but now she can move herself around she is a bit happier.

[Meandmyjoe]

Funny you should say that as ds is content for ages in his walker (even though I swore I would never have one). We wach him like a hawk though but he loves it. Think he prefers to stand then sit and the walker gives him a bit of independance. Ds has been similar to your dd by the sounds of it. Always wants to be carried around and has done since birth. Just hope he gets settled as he crawls or walks. How's your dd at being in the car or pushchair? Sorry you're in the same boat. I guess I just feel very isolated at the moment, especially when dh is at work.

[lizziemun]

dd2 likes going in the pram, has no option as dd1 preschool is 1/2mile aways. So twice a day she is in it for about 45mns to a hour. I think it is easier for me as i have to go out.

Are there any mother and baby meeting near you, try looking at this web site for your area www.childcarelink.gov.uk/. It can be isolating as it is so draining esp as dh is working 6days at the moment (even in work today)

[lizziemun]

have you posted on the august 2007 thread, as you could come and have a whinge on there with us. I know dd2 was born on the 7/9/07 but was due on the 30/08/07 so i stayed with the people i was talking to before IYKWIM.

[Snippety]

My DS is very like this and I also spend the bulk of the day alone with him due to DH's long commute . He's fine at all the groups I go to as long as he can sit on my knee. He's actually crawling now, but doesn't do it much; he's more interested in standing up and walking along while I hold his hands. He only crawls to come and haul himself up my trouser legs .

He's fine with DH, but hopeless with anyone else, even my best friend who we see almost every day. She held him while I went to the loo a couple of weeks ago and when I got back he was hysterical. He also went ballistic when another friend held him while I tied my shoes !!

I really think the best way of dealing with the clinginess is to let him be as clingy as he needs to be; I just hold him all the time rather than trying to force him to interact with others, or be by himself. He'll do it in his own time.

I am worried as my in-laws and my DH's nan are visiting in May. They hardly ever see him and I don't want to disappoint them, but I don't know if I can sit by and watch him be upset by lots of enthusiastic handling and shouting. I know I'm going to come across as over protective and wierd, and it's made worse by DH's cousin having a boy of the same age who is really placid and jolly. I know that my attachment parenting will be blamed for any perceived failings. Ho hum

[Meandmyjoe]

Mmmm I 'm not sure if it is clinginess with ds, he goes to other people fine (mostly and prefers it if they are stood so he can still nosey around instead of sit still!) He just gets hysterical (even if in my arms) when people are too loud or forceful with him. He would be fine if they would all come in and sit for a bit to get used to them. I find people try and force themselves on him and try and get him to smile by getting right in his personal space which he hates if he doesn't know them, especially if they are loud.

I think he is just very touchy and frustrated with people p*ing him off! He is very fidgetty and makes loud aggressive sounds when he is frustrated. Just very sad as my family all seem to be somewhat disappointed with him as he is the first baby in the family since my cousin 19 years ago! I think they all had this lovely image of this smiling cherub that they could pick up and fuss whenever it suited them and Joseph just doesn't want any of it.

I seriously have worried due to my family's response to him whether he really has got some sort of sesnory integration or development issue. Am I really screwing him up? Does his behaviour sound ok or does anyone think he has a problem?

[PutThatInYourPipeandSmokeIt]

oh gracious - DD was like this up until about a month ago (i.e. 14 months old) - she still verges on claustrophobic if anyone crowds her but then again, I would consider that very normal behaviour! She used to be very clingy and seem miserable particularly when family were around and I was super tuned in to how she was reacting to them. To be fair - if they had taken the time to sit quietly on the floor and let her take the lead in play, she would have FAR more comfortable with them and interacted normally. As it is, family members think that it is perfectly ok to rush up to 'the baby' and grab it and plaster it with nasty kisses and then get all offended when you look horrified and 'the baby' screams its head off. Extraordinary. It amazes me every time.

Anyway - do not despair - this is just a phase and will change. May I suggest that you get scathing with your family rather than feel crap yourself - tell them in advance what you think might work (e.g. to keep their distance and let him suss them out and then after a good long while, get down to his level and see what he seems to be interested in at the time and see if he's in to playing with them gently and quietly and if not to back off immediately? That way, if they don't you can raise a knowing eyebrow and walk away with your head held high and your gorgeous son in your arms. The bottom line is that you know him better than they do.

[PutThatInYourPipeandSmokeIt]

And by the way - his behaviour sounds completely normal and absolutely NOTHING to be concerned about. DD is loads better and has popped out of her shell but she like me, still don't appreciate people in our faces....

[Meandmyjoe]

Mmm very good advice! I suppose I always just pretend that Joseph is an angel baby and let them take over

I've always been a bit scared to tell them how he really is as they are so quick to judge and point the finger of blame. Mind you, my family are a bunch of 'know it alls' really and anything I try and ask them to do, they do whatever the hell they want and then blame me when Joseph cries at them!

My dad knows how difficult he is and my sister was similar as a baby (or so I'm told) but my mum was just blamed for that too! (My dad's side of the family being the problem). When I try and tell them to be sensitive, they just think I'm being overprotective and a bit of a neurotic bitch which adds to the blame thing!

Oh I'm so sorry for ranting on like this. I must sound awful, I think I'm just tired of having to hide away from my family and dread them coming round. It's just sad as my mum was pushed out in the same way when she had my sister. She was apparently quite often in tears due to having a crap day with her and then having to listen to criticism. It wasn't until my brother and I came along (classic angel babies!) that she was reintegrated if you see what I mean! Sadly my mum died when I was 9 so I think I just really miss having her and wish I had her support right now.

I'm so very grateful for you saying that he sounds normal though. I worry so much about my little boy as people look at him like he's a freak!

[PutThatInYourPipeandSmokeIt]

He's not a freak! They should perhaps be looking at themselves if he keeps crying in their company and ask themselves if they can do anything to change that. You have two choices - either do what's right by your son (and not put him in to situations that he finds distressing), or you can give in to your family. From where I sit, it is perfectly clear where your priorities should be and that's not with the adults, who should know better. Why are you letting them make you feel crap? Do what you need to do and explain why and they can either work with you when you all meet up, or they can not see you and him so much. It's not about you or them, it's about him and what's best for him in the long run. Sorry to be so bossy!

[windygalestoday]

i think that if you cant walk or talk the only way to show you arent happy is to whinge and if you are gonna whinge who better to do it to than your mum?

i think its very normal cceptble behaviour he probbly will be a child who enjoys his own company and doesnt lie being swooped upon!

theres not really much you can do at this age to affect his behaviour-so dont blame yourself for having baby that commits the hideous crime of disliking swoops of affection.

i think you need to make it clear he doesnt'do' fuss and if left to his own devices he will be fine.........dont feel crap its your job as a mummy lol