Unsettled, nightmare baby. Am at end of my tether, feel totally mental, please help!!!!

[pevie]

Have not been on here moaning for a while, as not had internet access!!!!!! So here goes. DD2 now 10 and a half months and has been unsettled from begining. Variously called reflux, colic, dairy allergy!!!!! Who knows, although most recent paediatrician thinks reflux. All I know is she has horrendous wind, farts like a trooper and does NOT SLEEP!!!!! It has become so horrendous recently that she is basically up and down constantly from about 2 on (having been up a few times prior to this). I am so tired that I am hallucinating at night and dont even know where I am puting her down at times. Am surely a danger to myself and others. We have various paediatricians opinions have tried meds, have been to osteopath, chiropractor, been off dairy, tried sleep training, all to no avail. I would love to think she will grow out of it but not sure how long that will take. Please reassure me and share your experiences. One hopeful thing is that my paediatrician put me in touch with Sleep Scotland who help with sleep issues of babies and children with particular needs!!!! So hopefully they can give us some sore of plan!!!!! Support and advice please ladies or will lose my sanity!!!

[TheArmadillo]

oh sweetheart, that sounds exhausting. No advice but didn't want to leave unanswered.

Have you got a dp to swop nights with?

Or any family/friends who could let you grab a couple of hours sleep during the day?

Maybe homestart if you have something like that?

[Sushipaws]

Did I write this a month ago????????

This sounds so similar to me and my DD.

She vomited all the time till she went on solids, something to do with wind, but never got a straight answer. I was told she had colic, reflux, silent reflux, over sensative gag reflex???

She used to wake up every 90 minutes and it would take about 30 minutes to get her back to sleep.

About a month ago she started sleeping better and it's just kept improving. She now does 7pm-3am 3.30am-5.30am 6am-6.45ish am. I feel drunk on sleep.

I know how you feel, it's like loosing your mind. Thanksfully I only have 1 baby, it must be incredibly hard when you have others to look after too.

I hope things get better for you.

[HonoriaGlossop]

Agree with armadillo; you need help, you can't do this alone!

I think hopefully the Sleep Scotland thing will be the key to things improving, but in the meantime you really need to try somehow to get some more hours of kip. You're right, it is not good to be at the point of hallucinating! DH/DP? Family? Hire a babysitter for a few hours and just go to bed?

Co-sleep with her so that at least you don't have to get out of bed and get up each time?

[DoodleToYou]

Message withdrawn

[bossybritches]

I know you said you'd been to a osteopath but did you try a Cranial osteo? try another one & keep going for several sessions it takes a while but we found it DID work & our little'un was JUST like yours.

She is now a bouncing 11 year old & sleeps like a dream!

I really feel for you It's a nightmare but it WILL pass!!

[CoteDAzur]

Firstly, she could be teething. Give her paracetamol tomorrow night and see if that helps her sleep better.

If you haven't already, cut out night feeds. Not advocating CC here, just No Feeds. When she wakes up, cuddle/rock/sing to/shh/pat whatever you need to do to get her back to sleep without feeding. In a couple of days, she get used to it and will not be waking up for a feed.

It sounds like you haven't slept for ten months. Huge sympathies.

[struwellpeter]

Poor you and poor her. Must be exhausting for you both.

Can't help with the sleep advice but someone once said to me, 'if you reach the end of your tether, hang on' and it has helped me lots over the years.

[Van123]

Have you tried a sleep clinic?? There is one on the internet called Millpond. Not sure if they are any good but thinking of using them for our DS who is also up most of the night. Be intersted to know what sleep training you had any why it didnt work?

Hang in there. You need to take care of yourself so see your GP if you feel at the end of your tether.

Let me know how you get on.

[Smee]

Poor you. Does she sleep in a separate room or with you?

[Bertolli]

I recommend repeat visits to chiropracter- seriously worked for best friend with similar sounding baby. Apparently you need min of three sessions.

Hang in there x

[Smee]

I agree, cut out the feeds as that's habit and soothing, but it's a rod for your own back. Should have said when I asked, but we had the same as you until I went against all the parenting books and slept in his room. Then when he woke, I was there instantly, didn't lift him, but soothed him quickly from outside his cot. I realised that as I was there straight away he woke less, was more quickly reassured and so was easier to soothe back to sleep. After a while he became far far less stressed, and after two weeks I was able to sleep in my own bed again. I'm not saying it was a miracle cure, as he still woke in the night (+ still does at nearly 4..), but he was far calmer and woke far less. Now it's just once a night and it feels like heaven! I know they're all different, but it might be worth a try.

[pevie]

Thank you all for your support. Sorry I wasnt back on last night but as I said before we have had temperemental internet access. On Monday night she actually only woke twice, first time in bloody ages. Felt fab. However, last night was back to being up all evening and v.unsettled from 3 on. To answer some questions, yes, have DH, he does try bless him, but she screams bloody murder whenever he gets up with her in night so that I dont get any sleep anyway. He tends to get up with them both in morning and when am not working I sleep for extra couple of hours which helps. Has been much harder since back at work a few days and DH goes away sometimes. Have a mum who is a godsend and helps in day, but again, she cant do much at night cos of whole bf in night. also she is now doing care whilst I'm at work so dont like to ask too much. Rest of family pretty rubbish. Have considered paying for someone, but DD2 currently megaclingy and not sure if worth the hassle. My HV finally said she would refer to sleep clinic although thinks its from 1 years on. Told her I'll be mental by then so think she relented!!!! Tried variation of CC twice as sleep training, but staying with her for longer and going back sooner. First time some success, especially when going down, but caved after 9 nights as worried she was uncomfortable. Second time we tried was bloody nightmare and caved after first night as was no way was going to calm down, so now am quite scared to do this again. As for night feeds cote d'azur, definately need to cut out as they do give her wind, but when she is really unsettled its so hard to get her back down without feeding as she seems a bit sore. not sure why feeding stops her pain but just seems to soothe her. So hard to tell how much is now behavioural too!!!!!!! Anyway, paediatrician has given her a mild sedative to help her sleep for few nights, hummed and hawed about this as didnt feel it was answer but have given it tonight so will see what happens.

[pevie]

Sushipaws, when did your LO start improving? Am so fed up cos she seems to be getting worse, but she did have a few illnesses that seemed to set her back!!!! Feel like am under a dark cloud at moment, please send me positive vibes to lift it!!!!

[HaventSleptForAYear]

Sending you positive vibes after a hard year here too ! Things got a little better when DS2 went on proper medication for reflux but it didn't solve everything.
Everytime he gets an ear infection he screams blue murder at night (and he has had one non-stop all winter).
Have had an occasional full-night but can count them on one hand and DS is 14mths now...
He has put me off having another baby !
Not sure what to suggest, but make sure there is no medical problem before you do anything involving crying.
We went and slept in the spare room one night and ignored DS2, 2 days later he was running a temp. and peadiatrician said there was "NO way" he could sleep with the pain he must be feeling in his ears
The windyness is a real pain isn't it? I still have to wind DS now after BF him in the mornings, he comes off the breast screaming until I can get a dummy in to calm him down, and then he relaxes enough to get the wind up - do you use a dummy??

[pevie]

No dummy as she wont take it!!!! I know we have to check medical things but thinking of doing it more gently anyway, eg. substituting feeding with rocking first and also at bedtime not rocking, but would like advice on pace at which to take it.

[CoteDAzur]

pevie - If you think she is 'sore', give her paracetamol rather than feeding her in the night.

Some people have babies who just sleep through the night on their own. The rest of us have to cut out the night feeds, weather the following 2-3 nights, and teach our babies to sleep through the night.

By the way, you say your DD comes off the breast screaming. We didn't have this, but I am told that is a sign of reflux.

[MrsMattie]

Pevie - a good friend had a baby like this. She also worked full time (as did her husband) and almost had a nervous breakdown as a result of the horrendous sleep deprivation. Her son didn't grow out of it until he was almost 2 and a half yrs old (sorry! your child may be different) but from that age he just weirdly and miraculously started sleeping from 7pm to 7am and all the wind problems and vomiting etc stopped. The sleeping through did coincide with him weaning himself off bottles of milk (she had tried countless times before to stop the bottles, but always gave in through desperation and exhaustion). Do you bottlefeed? My friend has a theory now (in retrospect, albeit!) that the bottles were a major cause of the reflux and wind - he was guzzling his milk, and cutting out the night feeds altogether and replacing the bottle with a sippy cup in the daytime helped no end. Of course, it could have been something to do with his digestion system maturing. Who knows? It's bloody hard to diagnose these things isn't it? Hope you can find a solution to this. Sleep deprivation is killer :-(

[Meandmyjoe]

Hi, sorry you're having such a crap time. What is she like during the day? I would have thought if it were medical then she would be awfully difficult in the day too. I have no idea what to suggest really. Maybe you could try expressing and feeding from a cup instead of breast in case this is causing wind. It's hard to know what's going on with them isn't it? My ds is so unsettled in the day that I convince myself there's something wrong with him but then 7pm at night, he goes to bed and sleeps for 10- 12 hours so I've been told it's unlikely to be anything medical, perhaps just fustration. Whatever the reason, it's hard innit. I really don't know how you cope with so little sleep. I have always said if my ds wasn't so good at night I would have completely lost the plot my now! Please let us know how you get on. Sending you lots of positivity and sympathy!

[pevie]

She comes and goes in the day to be honest but most difficulties come when she lies down which is apparently when reflux at its worst. She will scream out and you go to her and get her up then she variously burps, farts,etc. so definately some discomfort. However, I think she finds it more difficult to settle herself back down now so she will keep getting up instead of dropping off!!!! Recently had bad viral infection and then sickness so that seems to have made it worse!!!!!!!!! Getting about 3 hours sleep!!!!

[pevie]

She comes and goes in the day to be honest but most difficulties come when she lies down which is apparently when reflux at its worst. She will scream out and you go to her and get her up then she variously burps, farts,etc. so definately some discomfort. However, I think she finds it more difficult to settle herself back down now so she will keep getting up instead of dropping off!!!! Recently had bad viral infection and then sickness so that seems to have made it worse!!!!!!!!! Getting about 3 hours sleep!!!!

[Meandmyjoe]

Oh you poor luv, u must be exhausted. Poor her aswell. She must be in some sort of discomfort and be completely knackered too. I really don't know what to suggest but I feel for you! I would just keep pestering the doctors. Surely someone can help her. It sound a nightmare but it will pass at some point. I wish I could tell you when but it's all a bit of a mystery to me. Are there no other meds she could try for reflux?

Also, colic doesn't always stop at 4 months, dispite what the health visitors say. I think it gets called under a different name when it lasts longer (I forget what!) but I read that kids up to 2 can still have immature digestive tracts and systems which causes a lot of wind and discomfort.

Is she mobile yet? Just thinking that she might lighten up and be more likely to move herself to be comfortable when crawling or walking.

I'd just keep pestering for answers. Maybe video one of her outbursts at night and show to the doctor or HV. Sometimes it's hard to imagine how bad it is and just think that mums are exhaggerating the severity of crying. Perhaps if they saw how distressed she was, they would keep trying different meds.

Whatever the reason for her being so unsettled I hope it gets better soon and you all get some sleep. Sorry I have nothing practical to say but sending you best wishes and hugs.

[kittywise]

pevie, so sorry for you. It's bloody awful isn't it.

My last baby has been like this. He cried from the second he was born. He wouldn't be put down, you couldn't sit with him, he'd scream blue murder and want to suck all the time. All he wanted was to be carried around facing outwards on my right hip. He hated any kind of sling, push cahir, car seat.

He has never slept for more than 20 mins in the day and then he will only sleep the once.
Having said that he does sleep through the night, but I've got the all the others waking me up so no sleep there either!!

He is now 11 months and has now been walking for three weeks and I must say there has been an improvement. He is certainly happier to be fully mobile.

I can't really say anything that might help, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone

[callmeovercautious]

We were the same. BF DD, did CC which helped get her down in the first place but did not "cure all".

All I can say is that she has grown out of it. I used Calpol or Medised for her teething pain at bedtime. Had a very strict routine in place (I hate twinkle twinkle!) and very gradually things have improved. However she is now 18m and it is only in the last monnth or two that she is really consistant with the 12 hours. We do sometimes still see 5am starts though

It seemed to co-incide with walking, perhaps she was exhausted!

TBH the past 18m has put me off having another LO. I love DD to bits but the tought of going back there again fills me with utter dread. Please try and stay positive, give the sleep clinic a try and let us know how you get on

[pevie]

Thank you, thank you. She is becoming a bit more mobile now, doing a kind of dragging crawl. Am hoping that being fully upright will help! We have had a second opinion from a paediatrician who has put her on double dose of omeprazole. We have tried it before on smaller dose and tbh it didnt make any difference. Even if it helps reflux, still is v.windy. Anyway, we have to try for another few weeks before giving up. Not sure my nerves will take that. TBH it has been up and down but would say last 3 to 4 weeks have been most hellish, am hoping that we've hit our lowest point and medical folks will finally help. BTW, tried sedation for a night and she lasted till 2 oclock so at least got to sleep till then. The worst of it is, DH often works away from home and this week he is off to Marbella for a few days!!!!! Feel so sorry for myself. Just want a little normality in my life!!