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Help, please

(5 Posts)
Awenamanger Tue 21-Dec-04 00:33:33

Hi ds who is 4y10m started school in Sept. Recently took him to a panto with partners work. Ds became very attached to boy of 7 and kept hugging him. This boy reacted as expected at 7 by saying yuck and running. Ds thought this was a great game. Tried to set boundries for ds however this weekend at a regualr park ds randomly hugged another boy of a similar age. Admittedly ds did look adorable but i dont think other child appreciated it. It also might be that ds is doing this at school.

I have always been openly affectionate and tactile but i know things have been difficult for ds given our family situation.

I am worried tho as I have spent time searching on the net and all i find are websites warning that this is a sign of child abuse. Ds is not (as far as i am aware) over friendly with adults and this is only recently started with children.

I dont have a clue what to do. I dont want to tell ds off for being friendly but i want to explain that cuddles are ok for family, but not for random kiddies he takes a liking to.

Mandy03 Tue 21-Dec-04 04:02:54

Awenamanger, where did you hear that it was a sign of child abuse? I would be interested to hear more about what you have read... the reason is that my ds also does this, and for some time I've been thinking that he's just very cuddly and tactile. It kind of disturbs me to think that this behaviour can stem from child abuse.

I've always been openly affectionate with my ds too, and my parents have lavished a lot of love and affection on him too. DH has been more reserved with his affection, but a lot of men are, I suppose. DS often tries to hug children he doesn't know and I've noticed that older boys in particular don't really like it. I've often wondered why he is so tactile with other children but I've just put it down to the fact that it's probably because he's an only child and likes to be around other children... a bit like an over-enthusiastic puppy I suppose.

Is your ds an only child Awenamanger..? Has he ever been treated badly in the past? Just trying to work out whether there is any truth to the notion that this behaviour is a sign of child abuse. A bit disturbing isn't it

bizzi Tue 21-Dec-04 13:36:42

I would be very sceptical about this being a sign of child abuse.
Lots of small children are overtly affectionate, they get a lovely warm feeling when giving and receiving love from people who are close to them and at these young ages they naturally want to realise that secure feeling again with others around them.
It's also great fun to play chase, which is what this game turns into, only difference between the kids is that the 7 year old has learnt that it's inappropriate/embarrassing to hug kids he doesn't know well, so runs saying yuk etc but actually secretly enjoys this game so encourages it from the little ones, and that's easy in a school playground with the new starters.
Didn't we call it kiss chase?
On the other hand it never hurts to be on your guard keep a close eye on childs playtime with other children when not at school.

Awenamanger Wed 22-Dec-04 01:57:36

Thanks Mandy & bizzi for your comments. I actually spoke to a friend on the phone about this today too as her son is a similar age and he does exactly the same.

Ds is an only child and not been treated badly in past. Affection between us is good and tactile, actually we cuddle loads

It is the older boys of around 7 he seems more inclined to cuddle and i am not as worried now.

With regard to the notion of this behaviour being a sign of abuse I think it is quite concerning as I think it is a sign of a loving child.. And bizzi I think you are right re 7 year olds learnt it is inappropriate/embarrassing, which is kind of a shame. I guess in other countries they dont learn the 'british' reserve so this behaviour carries on.

I loved playing kiss chase as a kid, i used to love catching the boys and was able to run real fast to catch them.. I never did run very fast away from them tho

bizzi Wed 22-Dec-04 08:41:25

Good tactics Awenamanger
I'm very glad your mind is at rest.

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