New member alert! I've come here not knowing what else to do. Quick bio: am female partner of biological mother to two lovely boys - she's 'Mummy' and I'm 'Mum' - parent in every way but biological. Hope it's ok my being here. So, DS1 is 2+10 [3 in Feb] and DS2 is 6mths. Took me ages to bond with #1 as have never been 'maternal type' or much wanted kids - it was the wife's idea. Have always had quite a troubled relationship with him, all my fault I think. I'm very quick to lose my temper with him and find myself talking a lot in ultimatums. I know I don't have enough patience or sympathy to deal with his normal nearly-3yo behaviour - I know he's actually a very good boy, full of smiles and laughs, kind-hearted, affectionate, and lovely with his little bro. But, I also feel frustrated by his inability to do things immediately, and his capacity to mess about at tea-time and bed-time [the parts of the day I'm around for most - bed-time usually my job with him]. I feel he doesn't listen, so I shout and get cross, and that makes him push even more. I suspect I expect too much of him and know that disappointment is what causes anger, but I don't seem to be able to calm myself down when I see red. I've never smacked him, but I know I've been too rough with him in anger, and feel ashamed of this . I get very cross with myself for failing him, as I'm basically an intelligent person. I love both the boys very much and have bonded quickly with DS2 (another source of guilt). DS1 just gets crazy - typical 3yo - and I get tired (I have an exceptionally busy life - another story) and frustrated and just want him to do what I tell him when I tell him, and if he doesn't it makes me really (inappropriately) mad. Anyway, it's causing trouble with me and the wife. I don't want to have to move out, but I know she's got to consider the boys first. I just want to understand how she does so much better a job with them; how she stays calm; why DS1 respects her more and listens to her. I feel like I'm failing as a parent because I can't manage my own temper. I really hope you guys can give me some tips. Please.
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