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Behaviour/development

********************ing hell

48 replies

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 17:41

DS1 is off on one and I have had enough. I nearly bloody hurt him. Didn't though. Scared me.

Why oh flipping why

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hecate · 06/03/2008 17:43

because you are human?!! It gets to us all sometimes. Deep breath. Do you have anywhere to retreat to for a minute? bathroom? Lock yourself in there and see how many swear words you can remember?

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 18:04

Feel panic attack coming

He will not do as he is told

He punched me twice and said if I tried to take him upstairs he would kill me

Told his brother to bite and hit me so he could come out of his room

I hate having to be the adult when he gets like this

I fucking hate it

I have no one to send him round too, no one to ring and talk to and I have had enough

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 18:06

Have to go

Reckons there's fire

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NaughtyNigel · 06/03/2008 18:06

go shut yourself in th kitchen/bathroom.
lean against the door if necessary to keep him out.
stay there until panic is over/better and he has calmed a bit.
ignore - ignore - ignore. i know easier said than done when they're biting chunks or smashing the house up . just go somewhere until you ca deal with it better.
and good luck and a hug

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 18:19

DH home and talking to him

DS doesn't know why he is being like this

I have seriously had enough of this flipping life

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hecate · 06/03/2008 18:22

how old is he?
does he have any sn?

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 18:22

He is 7 in a week or so

No SN

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 18:23

he can't control his temper

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hecate · 06/03/2008 18:27

How long has he been like this?

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ManxMum · 06/03/2008 18:28

On Jeremy Vine today there was a discussion about childrens violence towards a parent. I feel sorry for you.

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NaughtyNigel · 06/03/2008 18:28

if i say it's just a phase will you slap me?
sending understanding and empathetic vibes your way (my DD regularly reduces me to tears she can be so vile) and a virtual glass of red

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 18:48

I posted a while ago about similar behaviour and he as been much better these last 2 weeks. DH asked what set him off but I honeslt couldn't remember.

NN - no but would appreciate a time scale for this particular lovely phase. I do feel like crying but no tears come. He knows I haven't got a clue.

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frumpygrumpy · 06/03/2008 18:53

I just wanted to post to say keep posting. Don't be alone. I know nothing of your situ so please tell me, in the meantime (and I know this sounds shit and hippie like) have you investigated fish oil supplements? I remember watching an amazing (Robert Winston) programme about young children who had tempers, no concentration etc etc. Add fish oil supplements and they were brand new.......

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WallOfSilence · 06/03/2008 18:59

What way do you punish him?

Have you spoken to him when he is calm about his unacceptable behaviour when he is in a temper?

Have you discussed his home behaviour with the school? Perhaps if the teachers were aware of his dreadful behaviour they may be able to help?

Have you tried any parenting classes?

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 19:01

He loses his computer or has no tv. Sent to his room to calm down.

I have and he says he doesn't know why he does it.

No worries at school. polite lovely boy who gets on with his work.

No.

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whirly · 06/03/2008 19:35

My sympathies - my son is the same age, no SN, but a very short fuse and fiery temper. He starts raging with frustration over things he could sort out if he just talked. Politely - his tone / attitude is often very abrasive / aggressive too.
I keep hoping he will grow out of it. Soon!
Also hate having to be the adult when it happens - DH nearly always at work when he kicks off. makes me want to work full-time, long hours!

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frumpygrumpy · 06/03/2008 19:59

NAB, you need to find a way that empowers you to deal with it. You need to be strong enough to take it on the chin and smile through it. If you are strong (but smiley), he has to follow. If there is nothing medical that needs attention, are you willing and able to see if you can use your psychology on him? Are you willing to read up and apply?

I will personally send you my copy of 'How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk'.

You can dispense with the bits you don't want but if you read and read and absorb you will start to use bits of it and it will begin to make a change.

I don't like anyone feeling like you describe.

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 20:03

I am just so sad. I wake up with a heavy heart as I know they will start arguing and winding each other up and they have been rough with the youngest and I don't want all this for him.

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frumpygrumpy · 06/03/2008 20:08

So, you have 3 children? I do. They are close in age and I think that makes the difference......

I have friends who have 3 children well spaced out. Their youngest tends to hate the middle child but aspires to the the behaviour of the oldest. In my life, the oldest pulls her behaviour down to the youngest (DTs) as she is outnumbered. Keep talking, we must be able to get you to a point where it is bearable.

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 20:33

Mine are days off 7, 4 and 7 months and 2 and 3/4.

Can't be bothered. He will play me up tmw and then refuse to go to inlaws after school.

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whirly · 06/03/2008 20:45

Could you take the other two to the in-laws and spend some "quality" time with him? Maybe you could start to rebuild a positive relationship with him if it was just the two of you? Go to a cafe for a treat?
I found that I have begun to feel happier with my DS since we stopped punishing / bribing his behaviour. We are just using time out and saying that we are disappointed with him, etc rather than stopping TV time, computer, etc. And no more star charts, etc for behaviour.
It is hard to stay positive in the face of a tantruming child. I know how you feel!

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 20:47

I only take the computer away when he has been particulary naughty/rude whatever as it becomes pointless if you discipline too much. Taking DD there and then coming home and then going back is not an option. they are too far away for that many trips.

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whirly · 06/03/2008 20:54

Oh dear. And they couldn't come to get her?
It's strange that he's so good at school - mine is not an angel at school, but doesn't have tantrums like the ones he has at home. Maybe your DS is just holding it all in, being good at school, till he gets home.
Do you get much chance for him to be 1:1 with you or your other half at all. It's sooo much less stressful when you only have one to deal with!

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 20:58

Inlaws are having the youngest for the day and then I will get the other two from school and take them there for their tea, then we'll come home.

I hate myself for it but right now I don't want to spend one minute with him never mnd 1 to 1 time.

Sad thing is he had just brought down a letter he had written saying sorry for being naughty this morning and inviting me up to his room to show me what he had made and then later something set him off.

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clur79 · 06/03/2008 20:59

My sister has problems like you are describing with her eldest one (just about to turn 6).

He is an angel at school, but is a nightmare sometimes with her at home. She has problems getting help, as usually you would go through the school. He spits, hits and rives her to despair.

I am afraid I can't offer any advice, only my sympathy. I always feel helpless when I talk to her after he has kicked off.

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