Caught in the middle of a play date gone worng. Advice needed.

[Shout]

I invited Tim and Jon from preschool to come and play Sat afternoon with my DS4.

On the morning Tim's mother calls to say her son doesn't want to come because Jon will be there and he is too rough.

When Tim's mother came I just said that Jon wasn't too well and wouldn't be coming.

Well the play date was a battle of my ds and Jon arguing and fighting and it got so bad that I had to call Jon's Mum and ask could I bring him home. She was very apologetic and as my son is used to his older brother he gave as good back it wasn't completely one side.

My son didn't go to school he was ill yesterday. Jon's mum has obviously been worrying about it all weekend,plus her son told his friends at school including Tim who went on to tell his mother that he slapped my son accross the face.

Jon's mum phoned again to see if I hadn't told her the full story and I said I wasn't aware of it. She sounded relieved as Tims mother is headmistress of the school she wants her son to go to and she said it will be awful if she thinks my son is playground bully. If he is I want to deal with it.

The problem is she hasn't seen my sons face with all the deep scratches across his nose. ( Although other mothers have already commented).
She is aware that her son reacts too quickly but I don't know if she is aware of her sons reputation and that the headmistress of the school already has an opionion of her son.

Do I say anything or just stay well away

[Blu]

I would say 'well DS has a couple of war wounds' but not be too 'heavy' about it - as you say, your son gave as good as he got! if the child has already told everyone, I think you need to be open about what went on, without being blamey or judemental, and whatever anyone else thiinks or says about the child is none of your concern really, iyswim.

[Spaceman]

Gosh you are such a nice person! Trying to spare everyone's feelings like that I think is really commendable.

Personally I don't think you'll help by intervening. You've put yourself out for everyone so far but you don't need to go the extra distance. It's not you who's letting Jon's reputation get in the way. Poor Jon's mum though. She's obviously got a right problem on her hands.

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

ouch! Tricky one! I am a wimp when it comes to things like this!! I'd find breaking it to her that her son is a hooligan about as easy as telling someone they have BO! What age is he? 4? How does she react when she sees her son in action? Could you invite her to come for coffee during a playdate so she can see his behaviour for herself- and hopefully step in? Obviously her son needs to be told that this is not on, but I find its difficult to do that if I'm not his parent! We had a friend with a son like this, and my main irritation was that she made excuses for him, rather than chastise him. All children this age will have moments of misbehaving, but they DO need to be pulled up for it, or they will find it hard to keep friends. Maybe if she was there, she might confide in you about problems with his behaviour, she might feel bad about it and not know who to talk to about it. Not sure if that helps, but good luck anyway!

[DoodleToYou]

Message withdrawn

[Shout]

Thank you everyone for your support.

Jon is 5 and I did tell his Mother when I dropped Jon home, next time for her to stay and have a coffee although it might be a while before they get together as my ds is staying out of his way at school.

I have no probelm treating other children in my house the same way I treat my own ie warning and then naughty stairs or apologise if a small offence etc that way its consistent for my kids and other mothers have never objected( I think you are always slightly harder on your own kids as the other child is the guest).

However Jon has a very short fuse and will hurl out insults which prokes other children into arguing and then he lashes out.

I think I will leave it and be greatful its one less problem for me to worry about and only help if she asks.

Thanks once again, I needed a second opinion.

[wheresthehamster]

If I was Tim's mum I'd be annoyed that you lied to me though. There may be real 'issues' between the boys that you don't know about and she didn't want the two of them together.