3 1/2 year old that doesnt like going for a poo - help

[ellied]

Hi, hope someone out there can offer me some advice on this... my daughter is 3 1/2 and has developed what I can only describe as a phobia about going for a poo. When she needs to go she just goes rigid and holds it in, this can go on for several days until nature takes it course and eventually she has to go. The thing is that it is starting to disrupt our family life now and I dont feel I can put her into pre-school as often because I need to keep my eye on her and put her on the loo when I can see she needs to go. I have changed her diet, putting in more fibre, fruit and veg and she's on lactulose to help soften the stools but I dont seem to be able to get through to her about how important it is that she goes to the toilet when she feels the urge. Has anyone else had this problem with their child? And if so what is the best way to handle it?

Thanks

[Celery]

No help I'm afraid, but I'm watching this thread as I have the same problem with my four year old dd. Help!

[ellied]

Do you know what, it makes me feel better knowing Im not the only one going through this - but how frustrating is it? My daughter is a lovely, lively girl and she's so forward in many areas but this one is a major sticking point - I am worried because she starts in Reception in September and I have visions of me having to nip in to puther on the loo!!! Oh joy....

[Celery]

My dd is starting reception in September too, and this has already been going on since last September. The trigger was a week or so when she was badly constipated, which was painful for her. She hasn't been constipated since, but just will not sit on the toilet. She doesn't even bother to hold it in now though - it all comes out little bit by bit throughout the day ( sorry tmi! ) and it's so frustrating and tiresome having to deal with it continuously.

[WelliesAndPyjamas]

I believe this is quite common in kids this age. My DS (now 4) went through a similar phase although luckily it didn't go on for weeks, more like up to a week at a time.
He grew out of it eventually and what worked for us was to just give the problem as little attention as possible and giv ehim heaps of praise after a poo. In his case, I think he was enjoying the build-up attention too much!! He still panics a little bit at poo time but is getting to like the concept of being a 'big boy' and being able to go by himself without fuss.
A friend's DD went through what your DD is going through now, at about the same age. It sounds identical. They tried everything but in the end they just relaxed about it, semi-ignored it, and everything got back to normal.
I know it isn't a massive help to your situation OP but thought I'd mention that it isn't unusual and that they do just grow out of it, IME. HTH

[ellied]

Yes, I think it sounds exactly like the situation Im dealing with. I am just at the end of my tether with it now though. I've tried the praise bit, I've tried rewards, star charts the lot but I dont seem to be able to get her to go to the loo when she feels she needs a poo - she's good at telling me after she's held it in though!!!! She has ended up with a recurrent urine infection because of all this - aparently when the child holds the poo in it stops the bladder from emptying properly therefore causing bacteria and a UTI. Blimey, I thought I was in for an easy time after toilet training two boys, I thought it would be loads easier with a girl... Please tell me it gets easier than this

[Elk]

My dd was like this for ages. She would only do a poo every 5/6 days whilst upside down on the sofa screaming in pain. She was put on adult doses of lactulose and senna by the gp and it took four days for her to do a poo. The senna is supposed to stop them being able to hold it in. We gave her lots of praise for doing her poos and I used to go with her to the loo and rub her back while she did one. - She also got given a poo treat (choc button) after every poo on the loo.

Now (2 years later) she is on a small doses of lactulose daily and does a poo with no fuss most days. (still gets a choc button sometimes if she has become a bit constipated again).
HOpe that makes sense.

[Elk]

I forgot to say her pre-school were great (even if I did have to collect her a couple of times!!!) and one of her teachers would always go and sit with her and hold her hands if she wanted to try whilst she was there.

[ellied]

Hmm... maybe Im being a bit too uptight about the pre-school thing. I think I feel a little bit worried that she's the only child with toileting problems, perhaps I need to get the teachers on side to help. Well we are back at school on Tuesday so I will have a chat with them. Thanks everyone for you help and understanding...

[WelliesAndPyjamas]

Good idea ellied. I'm sure they will have come across tons of kids in the same situation before now.

Elk - how did she poo upside down???!!

[ellied]

Yes, that one puzzled me too???? Mind you, it wouldnt surprise me if my DD started doing something like that, just to totally freak me out - oh the joys of parenting.....

[BibiThree]

Did this reluctance co-incide with her starting pre-school? DD had this too and it co-incided with her starting pre-school. Read somewhere this was quite common with children of this age and it sounds to me like you're doing all the right things.

We put it down to dd not wanting to go in strange toilets and not wanting to spend time out of the classroom. It is passing now though, she'll go with encouragement and a gentle reminder.

Hang in there!

[WelliesAndPyjamas]

That reminds me, bibithree. DS has only recently been ok with poo-ing anywhere other than at home too. Again, the 'big boy' concept is working a treat.

[JoyS]

I'm having the same problem with my 21-month-old. Was at my wits end and took her to a homeopath and it has really helped. She does a poo every other day at least now and sometimes she does them without any unpleasantness, just goes like any other toddler. Not sure exactly how the remedy works but I don't really care, we'd been dealing with this for a few months and are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyway, I'd recommend a homeopath.

[kbaby]

I have a similar problem with DD(almost 4). She refuses to poo on the toilet at all dispite being toilet trained for over a year, she will only poo in a nappy.

She is in preschool and ive explained to the teachers that should it ever be a problem I would remove her but so far she has never felt the need to go while at school.
The thing thats helped us is daily doses of 15ml lactulose and also some other medisen which is meant to give her the urge to go.

We had her first poo on the toilet yesterday

maybe its worth a trip to the gp to see if he has any suggestions

[ellied]

Thanks for all the messages ladies - unfortuately Im living in Qatar at the moment and they dont have things like Senokot here (they prefer enemas ugggh!!!) I am going to see our GP here to see if they have anything else that might give her more of an urge to go, failing that I will just have to continue with the prune juice and lactulose. JoyS, what was the name of the homeopathic medicine prescribed for your daughter - I'll try anything if it makes going to loo more pleasant for DD.

[mrschop]

Someone in my family had the same prob with her DD. She was told by an experienced nurse to put a tablespoon of bicarb of soda in the bath, then use the potty/toilet afterwards (or even go in the bath). She says it sounds mad but it worked.

[alarkaspree]

I've been having this problem with my dd for six weeks, since she started school in January. My gp has told me to keep increasing the dose of lactulose until it works. She also said that we need to keep giving lactulose and senna for 3 months or so to retrain dd, physically and psychologically, to feel that going for a poo is not a big deal.

And she said we shouldn't give too much attention to it.

It is maddening when she is so grumpy and uncomfortable and you know if she would just DO A POO she would feel fine.

FWIW, my dd will always do a poo within a few minutes of getting into the swimming pool (she gets out first!) so if things get really bad we do that. Might be worth a try for others. However, I have now fallen into the trap of taking her swimming every two-three days which is a pain. She hasn't done a poo at home for about a month (grr).

Anyway, you are definitely not alone. I think this is so common because children tend to get a bit constipated if they are anxious about something, and then they develop this fear of pooing which then makes the problem worse.

[Elk]

Hi,
I have no idea how dd pooed upside down but she is a massively stubborn child so if she wanted to she would!!!

The first place she pooed outside the home was on the plane to Australia. she loved the aeroplane loo so much that she pooed threee times in 12 hours - I was gobsmacked.

It was the trying to stay calm whilst she walked round the house like a woman in labour for two days before she pooed that really would me up. It is so difficult to stay calm and postived whilst wanting to shout 'for f*cks sake just poo will you'(and I don't normally swear).

We got the senna from the GP - the over the counter senakot tasted foul and dd refused to take it.

[FranMay]

Hi
We've had withholding and constipation problems with our ds, 3.8. A nightmare, I sympathise with you when your life starts revolving around poo!! It's tricky because it can start off a psychological problem - fear, toilet training issues etc., but the result of witholding can then be physical - a build up of harder stools making it more difficult and painful to go. So it's a vicious circle. The only thing that has helped enormously to get us out of this rut, apart from dietary changes, has been Movicol paediatric prescribed by the GP. We've been using it for a while. It has helped DS become more regular, less trouble going and as a result less attention paid to the whole event and a more normal life! We mix it in apple juice. It's been much better for us than Lactulose. The long term plan is then to wean him off it gradually... Good luck!

[JoyS]

ellied, it's sea salt, it says on the package Nat-M 6C, but she prescribed it after a long consultation. She said there were other remedies for constipation/withholding in children and the remedy depended on a lot of factors. She had a book called Homeopathic Remedies for Children, that might be helpful.

[mumof3kidz]

I've just been through exactly this with my 3rd child. For the first time ever and in desperation I resorted to the internet and came across mumsnet. There seemed to be a few mums with this problem but no answers. I have managed to sort my daughter out and promised myself that I would post it on mumsnet for all others in the same situation! I am lucky enough to have a BRILLIANT homeopath. When my daughter hit her 3rd day of not pooing (despite 15ml of lactulose) I phoned my homeopath in desperation. She told me to give her silica 30 morning and evening. It was amazing and kept her regular. However, the fear of pooing was still there. My homeopath then prescibed her ONE pill of Stramonium 200 morning and evening for ONE day. She has pooed merrily ever since!! You will need help from a proper homeopath to sort out your daughter's fears. However, the Silica should keep her regular but make sure she doesn't eat or drink anything for 30 mins either side of taking the remedy. You can buy the homeopathic remedies on line (it may be worth trying silica 200 if the 30 strength isn't enough). I hope this is helpful - please pass the information on to anyone else with this problem because, I know how extremely stressful and upsetting it is. Good luck!

[ellied]

mumof3kidz, thanks for your advice, will certainly follow it up with a homeopath. Incidentally I have been having some success with Linseeds (a tablespoon on her breakfast cereal), although she's now a little disconcerted that there are "seeds in my poo" you cant win cn you????!!!

[kbaby]

i just want to say that since my first post dd has now pooed on the toilet god knows how many times. I cant express how good it feels to have finally got her constiption and fear of the toilet under control. She still has to take the lactulose and movicol each day and doesnt poo every day but thats fine.

Weve had the odd tantrum over the fact that I wont let her have a nappy on, but once the tantrum is forgotten she goes to the toilet.

[Joash]

I had similar problems - have a lok on here, I found the answers useful and it wasn't long before he was quite happy to poo. Our problem now is to get him to stop giving us a detailed description of his poo (size, number, shade of colour, smell etc)

here

[S1ur]

this is a fab book about poo

It might help to lighten the mood a little?