Toddlers playing together and touching. Is anything inappropriate at 3?

[S1ur]

My dd plays regularly with her male mate. They're both 3. Recently they've been playing a lot of role-play games including babies. This is all positive and good.

But part of the babies game seems to involve my dd "having her nappy changed" their words, she doesn't wear a nappy. The changing nappy thing involves male mate touching her vulva, 'wiping' or stroking.

Now. I am not in the least, tiniest bit suggesting there is anything sexual occuring. I do not think that.

It is more a case that this mate, who is gorgeous, lovely, fab little lad has reached that 'interested-in-other's genitalia' age and my dd hasn't yet. To complicate things, she didn't want to play this game recently so I talked to her about how to say no effectively. blah, blah.

Convoluted post, but I suppose I've been wondering,

Do you think that touching like this in play is inappropriate?

I think this kind of behaviour is normal and whilst you wouldn't encourage touching, some exploration is to be expected. Am I wrong?

[Aitch]

erk. i don't think it's sexual, i don't think it's innappropriate etc but i wonder if now is a good time to teach her to say 'my mummy says this bit is for me only' or something equally mealy-mouthed? or am i being a Square?

[Desiderata]

It's very normal, slur. I think you need to keep an eye on it, for reasons I'm not too sure of ... but I'm also certain that you shouldn't mention it, iyswim.

Kids go through these phases ... well, they're not phases, are they? We are warm blooded, sexual human beings, and it goes on until death

You're a wise woman. You know not to make a deal of this .. just keep an eye, and divert to other activities when necessary.

[Desiderata]

Are we the only fuckers still awake?

[S1ur]

Sorry nosing at Aitch and for saler ruck.

[Desiderata]

You blow dry your bed ?????

[S1ur]

Why thank you Des.

Aitch and KM for some odd reason I am resistant to the whole this bit of my body is private. I don't know why, something to do with not wanting to make a privacy issue at young age of specific parts of the body? that sounds stupid as I type it, not sure why I'm hesitating actually.

I have in the past gone down the route of,

You need to be careful because some parts of body are more fragile, so no instruments/tools and avoid fiddling with other people becasue eyes, vulvas, penises and bottoms are more easily hurt.

[Aitch]

i think my mum's gist was something along the lines of it being a 'special part of the body just for me' or something? is that better than private? i did think it was special and just for me, hem hem, for quite a while...

[S1ur]

Yeah, the idea of vulvas/penis being different from eyes etc has played on my mind from other thread, but 3 seems a bit young to make distinction. not sure...

I chatted to her earlier about how her body was for her to decide about, so she could say no to anyone who wanted to kiss, tickle, pinch or anything to her body if she didn't wnat them too iyswim.

[S1ur]

Thanks Aitch, KM and Des for your replies

As promised a bump for those who aren't very late night posters!

[mumofhelen]

The rule I'm teaching my children is: any part of the body which is covered by pants/knickers are out-of-bounds to everyone except themself. If someone touches her/him anywhere which is covered by a pair of knickers/pants, she/he to tell the person to "stop" and "don't touch". If the person persists, or ignores, dd and ds are to report them to me (mummy) ASAP. I've told dd to tell me "anyone" who touches her.

[AMumInScotland]

I'd say the touching/exploration thing is not at all inappropriate when they are both around that age, but the important thing is the "not having to go along with things if you don't want to" message, both to make sure your dd knows she doesn't have to let people touch her, and to make sure the other child understands that "no means no". If both genders learned those lessons early and thoroughly, the world would be a much better place