I've just lost it advice please!

[squinny101]

I am absolutely mortified. My DD age 2.5 has just stamped all over the daffodil shoots in the school playground. I called over to her XX stop that please. She ignored me, called it over again in a firmer voice she ignored me again. So I went over there and said 'If you keep stamping on the flowers, I will have to put you in the car now you stop it'. I turned round every mother was staring at me, she had a huge tantrum, throwing herself on the floor. And the group of mothers that I talk too, turned their backs on me and excluded me from their 'circle'. She then had a tantrum for the rst of the time, I was waiting for my son. Then she ran off when he came out and almost ran in the road so I was calling after her. She was screaming yet again.

I lost it in the car, I was bawling my eyes out. All the mothers in the playground have made me feel about an inch big. I don't know what to do I feel so ashamed as this is practically a daily occurance. Surely, not all these mothers have perfect children. I always feel like its just me and my DD who is always kicking off. I@ve had about as much as I can bear and am actually considering keeping my son off tomorrow so I dont have to face them.

[Wendyjayb]

No mothers are experts and anyone who says there child has never had a tantrum is lying.
I'm sure they were just feeling embaressed for you and all will be fine in the morning

[bubblagirl]

its not your fault but next time jsut go straight over and remove her and let her throw a tantrum when you get home give a consequence time out and tell her its because she stamped on flowers and didnt listen to you

then when done in time out praise all rreally good behaviour no matter how small she'll get used to the feeling of praise being good and fingers crossed will stop

pre warn her before going to school if you do not listen to me you will go in time out when you get home

and for the mums to turn back on you very silly are you sure they were turning backs or did you feel to uncomfortable to approach them again

just start setting rules and consequences my fds 2.7 works very well with this and used to play me up rotten but he knows mummy means what she says and he is 99% time ok has his moments but i deal with it accordinly

dont think its your fault but do start being firmer now so she is still young enough to take you seriously

[LIZS]

Sorry that sounds rough. tbh at 2 1/2 she is still at the stage where she won't listen and sometimes you'll need to intervene without giving her the warnings. You may need to find a way of physically restraining her if she is prone to running off like that.

As to the other mums they probably were thinking "there but for the grace of God..." Don't take it personally they just won't have felt the need to get involved for fear of causing further angst,so best ignored. What would you have preferred they do, try to talk over a rampant toodler ? If anyone had said anything you'd probably have taken it the wrong way too. You'll have to face them again, best sooner rather than later.

[ksld]

Maybe they just turned away to leave you to deal with it in peace without feeling you were being watched? We have all had dcs having public tantrums, and I would prefer other Mums to just ignore it and let me get on and deal with it myself in the best way I can. Just go in tomorrow and smile lots but don't mention it at all. Am sure they will follow your lead and it will be forgotten.

[juuule]

Do you take the pushchair with you? If so, put her in it if she isn't listening to you. If not, put her on reins or pick her up.
If my 2.5yo was stamping on flower shoots, I'd have picked her up if she ignored me telling her to stop.
Before you go to school, remind her of how to behave.
Don't worry about the tantrums. A lot of children will tantrum at this age. Forget about the other parents and concentrate on showing your dd the behaviour that is expected of her.

[squinny101]

I pre-warn her every day and every day she either falls over and screams the place down or has a tantrum or runs off etc.

I am the only mother in the playground that is dealing with this sh** day in day out. It's so humiliating. I have started leaving her in the car at drop off time (for a couple of mins max) because she would throw a strop in the morning about going in.

Because the children come out at unpredictable times (they are often late) i don't feel like I can do this in the evening. Although I would love too.

I feel so low about the whole situation. It's always my child and my children and the school is a bit snobby. They must think I'm scum of the earth.

[MilaMae]

I think they were a bit mean, I think a 'God aren't they a nightmare at that stage"comforting remark was needed. Stuff them,good on you, you were stopping her doing something she wanted to do that was wrong.

Soooo many mums would have been tempted let her do it to save face(not me), you didn't you followed through. It's the easiest thing in the world to let things go, the hardest to tackle them head on but you'll reap the benefits in the long run. Hold your head high tomorrow you did the right thing and because they were too mean spirited to support you doesn't mean you should feel ashamed.

I left a hideous ballet lesson(our 1st and alas not our last,she loves it, not my bag) in tears with my 3 after putting on a show for all and sundry. I'm so used to the mums I know supporting each other it was a bit of a shock experiencing an icy scilence when dd was throwing a major diva strop, I followed through though and thought b**s to them. They were really nice the following week though so you never know tomorrow will probably be fine

[juuule]

I don't think that letting her stamp on the shoots would have saved face Where I would have sympathy for someone struggling with a tantrumming toddler I'd be somewhat disgusted at someone who stood back and let the toddler destroy things.
Squinny if she's not listening to you at the moment then you do need some way of restraining her until she does. I would take a pushchair with me and put her in it. Let her out for small amounts of time and straight back in it if she starts to act up.

[SaltireOShanter]

I second the buggy thing. I used to C'mind a girl of a similar age. She would kick off about anything. most of the tantrums took place outside, and I got kicked in the face by her at one point becasue I ahd removed her from the situation. Her parents wanted her to walk everywhere, but I started taking the buggy, and putting her in it if she kicked off.

[MilaMae]

Believe me I've seen many children being left to destroy things just so the mother can avoid a tantrum and thus save face. I agree I have immense sympathy with somebody struggling with a tantrumming toddler, none with somebody letting their toddler destroy things.

The pushchair thing works everytime and the great thing is you can park it out of earshot turned the other way but in view so said toddler has no audience.

[cory]

The one thing we all have sympathy with is a Mum who reacts quickly to remove destructive toddler. I have to admit I would be less sympathetic with somebody who just told the child to stop, instead of stopping them. Quick action saves public property and wins sympathy vote. But if I sense mother of tantrumming toddler is embarrassed I might well turn away to spare her blushes.

[HonoriaGlossop]

squinny don't worry, it just shows the lack of basic social skills these women have. I can't believe someone wouldn't have given you a sympathetic look or something - meanies.

The trick with the school gates is to go just a minute or two late so that you can just drop n go without the need for the dreaded school gates small talk. Works for me. Drop n go and swoop in at home time like a SWAT team

[squinny101]

I've hada talk with my mum and she believes like I do that there is something not quite right about my dd. I know it sounds awful but I can't put my finger on it. She makes this terrible high pitched screaming sound, she is aggressive and spiteful towards her brother as well as the god awful tantrums she has day in day out. She is also constantly falling over.

Does this sound like terrible two's or a slight behavioural issue that might need tweaking. I know no children are teh same but I've never seen behaviour like it before.

[bubblagirl]

wouldnt hurt to take your concerns to doctor for refferal

[juuule]

Apart from the falling over, she sounds very like my dd1 when she was a toddler. High pitched screaming, tantrums at the drop of a hat, could be quite nasty to her siblings.
But if you suspect something else, then there's no harm getting it checked out even if it's just to eliminate it.