3yr old dd suddenly hates nursery.

[milkymill]

She has being doing a couple of sessions a week since her 2nd birthday. She settled in amazingly quickly, and after 2-3 weeks she loved it and couldn't wait to go.

Now since going back after Christmas she doesn't seem happy anymore. Last week for the first time since starting she clung to me and was crying when I tried to leave, and this morning was awful. She kept saying over and over " I don't like nursery" and was v.upset and clingy.

The staff are wonderful, and they agree that she isn't herself anymore and that she is needing a lot of adult support during the sessions now, getting teary for no apparent reason etc... Dd used to rabbit on about a few friends who are upstairs in the pre-school room, but sometimes come for some of their sessions downstairs. Apparently she hasn't even been playing with them.

Does anyone else have experience of this sort of change? I am hoping it is just a phase but it's horrible to think she is unhappy there .

[juuule]

Would it be possible to bring her out for a while?
My 7th child was like this. Fine from the September to Christmas. We thought that after a rest over the christmas break she might be okay again. She wasn't. We persevered for a while thinking she might settle but she was getting more upset. So we brought her out. She was much happier and when she started pre-school nursery the following September we had no problems whatsoever.

[milkymill]

7th?? [is in awe]. I really don't want to take her out, she (and me) really has loved it for this past year, and she will be at there until she starts school next September. I feel it would be a big step back for us. Thanks juule .

[emmaagain]

I'd bring her out too till she wants to be there.

If she's crying when you leave, and crying when she's there, and telling you clearly "I don't like nursery", well, what's the point, yk?

[Kitti]

Also in aw of 7 children!! My youngest was the same. She started pre-school late as a place became available late October and loved it until after the christmas break. Every session from then until Easter was awful for me leaving her as she would scream and cry and cling - once I'd gone the staff said she was fine and she always came out with a smile - then I decided to try a new pre-school so she could have more sessions - we walked in and had a half hour trial session where she said Bye mummy see you later 3 times!! I had to explain she couldn't stay. She started there after easter, mixing it with the other pre-school and suddenly she was fine about going to the other pre-school as well!! It was very bizarre and I can't explain it but maybe a change would do her some good. I think my child preferred the bigger space at the second pre-school and there were less children. In September the following year she went for 5 sessions to this other pre-school - one other difference between the pre-schools were that the first one had afternoon sessions and the second one was a morning session - it could be she's getting tired in the afternoons?? I find most children prefer the morning sessions but of course you can't always chose as ptre-schools go by the age. I had terrible trouble with my daughter starting school as she was switched back to afternoon sessions due to her birthday being in July. Just a thought

[milkymill]

If she hadn't been so happy there this past 12 mths I would perhaps consider taking her out, but I know she usually loves it. I think there is some issue going on in her head, but we can't figure out what it is!

Kitti - she does do mornings.

[kbaby]

My DD is 3.6 yrs old and was going to a nursery since she was 2. She loved it and thought it was brill. Then in september a lot of her friends left to go to full time nursery school and she stayed there as she only goes to nursery school in the afternoons. Since xmas she has been crying on the way there and saying she doesnt want to go and she just wants to go to 'big school' all day. This week we spoke to the carers there and they told us she is the oldest child there as all the others are aged 2 and all her friends have left to go to school. Their words were that they think she has outgrown it. Could this be the same for your DD? Does she have any friends there to play with?
You may never get to the bottom of what it is thats upset her( DD disliked it when they sang lulabies!!) but if she really doesnt want to go and you dont need her to go then maybe you should stop or give it 1 more month and if she still disikes it then stop.

[HonoriaGlossop]

I think it's a step back only from an adult's point of view. If you listen to your child and take her out that is not necessarily any form of backward step for her. she has had some time of socialising and has learnt to leave you and be left by you to get care from others. That's something she has done and that won't be 'lost' by having a few months at home with you before starting school. And if she is clearly telling you she doesn't like it, and the staff say that too, imagine how lovely it will be for her to know that you've listened to her and are acting on what she said

Children don't see that need to 'practice' that adults do. With them it's about readiness; if she is ready for school she will settle; if she is not then IMO time at nursery is not actually going to prepare her really. I guess it helps if they've got used to being with others without you there but that doesn't have to be done at this nursery...

It's not obligatory in any way. If she's not happy, take her out! They start school early enough as it is, if she needs to be home for all her week for a bit at 3, blimey, why not!

[milkymill]

Thanks for your replies. kbaby - You're probably on to something there; They start in the downstairs room at 2, then do their final year before school upstairs. Because dd is a December birthday she will have spent nearly 2 years downstairs and is one of the oldest. Staff say her group of friends are slightly older girls who occasionally come down from upstairs, so I was wondering if she's feeling upset when they're not there.

Honoria - I take your point but I still feel she needs this social interaction. I don't really have any friends round here, we don't have much on in the way of activities. To be perfectly honest (and selfish) I have ds 17mths and am studying as well, so I really relish this time.

[mcfee]

Just a thought for those suggesting to take her out - its not always as easy as that. Work, mortgage etc etc? My DD (age 3)has recently started acting the same way after being really happy at nursery for 2.5 years. Just read thsi discussion for help and have now got even more guilt to deal with. Cheers!

[juuule]

Milkymill, if your dd is getting more and more upset then it's negative social interaction that she could probably do without.
If you need the time for studying is there some way that you could arrange for that without her going to nursery?

McFee, taking them out is a solution to this situation for some. Some people do see it as a step backwards just as milkymill said, but it isn't and that's why the posts suggesting taking her dd out. If it's not an option for you then don't feel guilty about it. We have to do what we have to do. Is there any other type of arrangement that you could make for your dd until September? Would a childminder be an option?

[Kitti]

Poor Mcfee - every parent who uses childcare because they have to work (I assume you're working) feels guilty no matter what they do - even if their child is happy. Obviously this isn't an option for you and you mustn't feel guilty (easier said than done of course). All you can do is speak to the teachers and ask them to make a special attempt to involve her in things - the school my kids go to have a "special person" day and it was my daughter's turn yesterday whcih she loved. The pre-school needs to help you out more because it's simply not a nice situation for you to be in. I am a SAHM and when my daughter didn't like pre-school I still made her go - tried to find out the problem and never did and was told she was fine as soon as I left. With some kids it's an attention thing, others aren't ready for that setting so a chilminder might be better but every child (and parent) is different and finding good childcare isn't easy. Good luck and I hope it sorts itself out for you soon - hugsx

[shatteredmumsrus]

Same here. My son has always loved nursery. He only goes Tues and thurs and now suddenly everytime is an ordeal. He says dont like the Babas as he calls it and cries and runs out after me. They say as soon as I have gone off the drive he is fine and when i pick him up he is happy. That makes me feel better but doesnt help win the mornings when im at work. I think it is another one of their phases!Dont worry

[milkymill]

I feel v.strongly that taking her out is not the right thing to do for us. I am reassured when she goes back, that she was mainly fine with the odd 'wobble'. After some of the things dd has said recently, and after speaking to her keyworker etc, I am getting surer that the problem is that she is not with her older friends upstairs, and there are quite a few new younger children starting, I think this is causing her insecurity.

Staff are keeping a close eye on her; I think we're going to ride it out and hope she gets better soon.

[MyL1ttleOne]

Hi. I just wondered how your little one is doing now and if she has started liking nursery again? Did you work out what the problem was?

My 2.5 year old is doing the same at the moment. She goes to nursery 3 days a week on the days I go to work. She cries every morning saying she doesn't want to go and cries when she gets there. She seems fine and happy when I go to pick her up. She has been going since 11 months old and has always enjoyed it, but I noticed a change in the last few weeks. Take her out of nursery isn't the answer for us.

[jv101]

Wondering if anyone had any joy resolving these issues? Did it turn out to be just a phase? My DD (3 in Nov) has just these past couple of weeks started not wanting to go into nursery, this morning it was so bad she made herself sick in the car and we ended up taking her to my mums. She is being especially clingy to me so today I asked her dad to take her, but to no avail. I need to work so taking her out is not an option. She's been going to Nursery since she was 10 months old and has always loved it. They have to pull her off me in the mornings but when I collect her at night she is fine and happy. Nursery keep asking if anything has changed at home but it hasn't. Finding it very upsetting.... :(