What do I expect from first CAMHS appt?

[BeeEm]

Got appt through for DD next monday and am crapping myself! Have had to fill out a 7 page questionairre about her. And they want the whole family there for the appt including DD1. I filled the questionairre in when she was in a good state - then filled in an extra 4 A4 pages when she was being foul.
What will they ask us? I assume this will be to assess us and then refer on to the appropriate people?
Does this make me the worst parent you've ever met - that my child is so badly behaved that i can't cope with her or make her happy - because that's how i feel.

[3andnomore]

You poor thing...don't see it as a failure...failure would be if you would NOT seek help, despite there being a problem!

No idea of the questions, or anything, sorry!

[whirly]

I feel just like you right now My son had me in tears in the school playground this morning. He is nearly 7. How old is your daughter? I feel like I would like a CAMHS referral too - how did you get yours?
It followed a weekend with two humungous tantrums - on Saturday it was because he didn't want to go for a walk in the woods with the rest of us - he wanted to take his remote control car to the park over the road - we said we would do that after the walk....
On Sunday it started when his older sister didn't want to play with him.
We dealt with it quite impeccably on Saturday, but it went on for over half an hour and he ended up arriving at the woods with dad once he realised we had already gone, but yesterday DH and I lost it with him and we eventually shouted at him, etc.
Today he was great till we left the house for school and his book bag came slightly undone. He hurled a load of abuse at me and ran away 3 times....
I feel like I am less than useless atm, and especially embarrassed as professionally i work with kids with seer behaviour difficulties and have referred loads of kids in the past. I know what I should do with him, and I do try, but sometimes it goes so wrong.

[betterhalf]

We have been to CAMHS on a number of occasions. Slightly different to you though as we are foster carer's and it was for children in our care. The end result is the same though. You sit and chat about the difficulties you are having. Your child gets to talk about his feelings and strategies are put in place to try and help you all to cope better. A lot depends on who you get. We've been to CAMHS and they've been pretty useless, and other tmes we've been and the difference its made has been amazing. We have never once been made to feel a failure ( the child hasn't either). The goal is to get things working smoother for you all as a family. When I first knew I had to go it was a bit scary, but once you loosen up, are honest with your feelings, the help can be tremendous. Most of the time no further referrals are made to anywhere else. You just have a number of sessions with CAMHS until its felt that the situation has resolved itself or as much as it is going to. Normally you are kept on their books as well so if after a time you feel the need for their input again, you can access it,
In response to how to get a referall to CAMHS, then you should make appointment with your doctor. He can make a referral. If Social Services are involved the Social Worker can help also.

[BeeEm]

Hi - thanks
Whirly - have been referred through G.P after months of shocking behaviour - I don't know whether there is a physical cause for her bahavioural/emotional problems or whether the behaviour/emotional stuff causes physical synptoms.
She feels sick and has tummy ache all the time - has been refusing to go to school for a few months now. I've been nice and supportive, understanding, I've dragged her into school, i've shouted, i've ignored, i've been positive and rewarded the good bits and absolutely nothing makes any difference whatsoever.
I've read the books - I've watched supernanny - I know what I should do. I also know that even if i do things right she is still the same.
No matter what I tell myself - I am a failure - i am her mum. I love her. if there is something wrong with he it is my fault. it is my job to look after her and make her better. and i can't do that. i have failed.

[Vacua]

Please don't feel bad, my daughter has been seeing people from CAMHS for a number of years on and off.

Obviously what happens when they assess you will depend upon the nature of her difficulties, my daughter has problems with her moods (yes above and beyond the average teenage stuff!) and went on to develop a serious eating disorder. Through CAMHS you could get family therapy (something they seem to roll out regardless of the child's problems) so they can look at your child's behaviour/distress within the context of the family as a whole. Some people find that really helpful, the way our service delivers family therapy was not right for us but we've since had really productive sessions elsewhere.

You might see a child/adolescent mental health nurse for your first assessment, a psychiatrist or a psychologist and they usually have social workers attached too - not that you will see ALL of these at once, they are just what the team is usually comprised of. My daughter had outreach workers who made home visits and weekly appointments with an art therapist, she also saw a consultant psychiatrist (this is more for medication I think) and a psychologist.

Try not to worry, you are doing something to help your child and it might be something you get to the bottom of fairly quickly. At the very least you should get some good advice and perhaps emotional support for you too. Good luck.

[whirly]

Oh BeeEm, that's just how I feel right now
I feel so bad - my daughter was upset because I was upset and then he was upset too and I just had to go before I made a scene in the playground. Now I'm dreading hometime incase teachers ask me about it.
Last year he was quite difficult in school (Year1), but this seems a bit better this year, though he's started saying he doesn't like his teacher, so I'm wondering what is going on there.
How old is your daughter? What is she like at school?

I too have done all that - different behaviour management styles - but his behaviour has been been more difficult than usual for the last couple of months. He has a VERY strong personality and wants to be in control of what happens. He also has a short fuse and when he is angry, gets really in your face and goes on and on and on and on....

What is your DH like (or are you on your own) My DH generally buries his head and ignores, which frustrates me so oftenI end up dealing with it and losing my cool because he hasn't stepped in quick enough

[betterhalf]

I think thats the important thing. View it as a support rather than as something negative. Failing as a parent would be burying your head in the sand and not getting any help. You are doing the right thing. Best of luck.

[BeeEm]

DD is nearly 10. At school - she doesn't like the teacher. her class is a difficult one - some fairly high dependent special needs - lots of behavioural issues with other children. not a happy place to be so i can understand her not wanting to be there much. saying that - taking her out ois not really an option - its the only school in the area - i work fulltime (odd shifts) and i do think it is really important for her to mix with a rang of other people socially if not educationally - i would also go more insane if i did HE her. DH is better with her than i am - much more patient with her and can usually get her to school wher i can't. thus adding to my feelings of failure (although of course its better really).
She does have lots of crap going on andi do nderstand that but its so hard to deal with all the time. I really want a magic wand -

[whirly]

Me too! That's exactly what DH said I wanted last night. It's soo tiring dealing with the constant opposition.
DS is in a mixed class, but no-one with major behaviour probs. He's probably one of the most difficult, along with 5 or so other boys, but generally they aren't too bad.
What kind of things set her off?
With DS it is usually people not doing what HE wants them to do.
I think he particularly upset me this morning because it was so out of the blue and unnecessary, but then that's often how he is.

[3andnomore]

Bee, you sound like a really lovely and concerned parent and seem to have tried a lot of things...sometimes things go wrong despite everything, and you mention that at this stage you are not even sure if there are physical underlaying problems, and of course there could be mental health issues, which could simply be out of your hand.
I hope you find out soon what you are dealing with, because, whatever it is, it would be easier to know what you are dealing with!
Keep on loving your dd and being supportive, and don't beat yourself up.
Like I said failing would be ignoring a problem and failing to seek help.
Wish you best of luck!

[bigdonna]

hi beeEm you sound like me,my ds from 9 had tummy aches feels sick all the timewe were referrred to camhs .it was fairly easy going we only had one appointment because they wanted to rule out medical.he had mri scan and op on his sinuses he still hated school.then it all came out he was being bullied,school did not much so we changed his school he still has a sort of panic attack going into school but is much happier.we were rereferrred to camhs but waiting list really long ,so we are going to do other counciling good luck hope your dd is feeling happier soon

[BeeEm]

3andno more - you've made me cry (again) (but in a nice way) thanks. donna - we've got a paed appointment too - for the Wednesday following the CAHS one. I so hope someone somewhere can point me in the right direction - feel like i'm drowning. Maybe it being blue monday its just worse today?

[3andnomore]

oh dear...but if it's in a good way it's o.k.!
You know, it's funny, we have to have licences, degrees in all things...but Baby's/Kids come wihtout an instructions...and isn't it the time we just need it!

I think, we sometimes just have to accept, that of course we should and will try our best and of course this will make some difference, but in the end, Kids are also born with their own little personality....
howelse can we explain just how different siblings can turn out, eh!Like I said, do keep us updated!

[bigdonna]

beeem you are not a bad parent i have 25 yrs experience with kids.and i also have felt like i was drowning but just now i can see a slight light at the end of the tunnel.he seems much happier at new school,but still stroppy and moody maybe hormones good luck.i was a nanny for 16yrs and am now a childminder.