Those of you who have tried controlled crying with an older baby (13 months).....???

[TLO]

Firstly, did it work?
Secondly, how long was it before they settled to sleep easily?
And thirdly, what exactly did you do, and how did you stop them, or manage them standing up as soon as you put them in the cot?

(I know this can be a sore subject, but I would appreciate help)

[TLO]

Bumping

[frumpygrumpy]

I still have to do it a bit with my DT1 who is 3!!! Each time after she has been ill, and therefore used to me tending to her in the night, she reverts to getting out of bed in the night (or at bedtime) for all manner of reasons. I do it again for a night or two and good sleep kicks back in.

I just keep doing the "its bedtime" and lying them down. Kiss and leave. No chat. Leave it longer and longer each time.

It can be hard on your heart strings but it is worth it IMHO.

[frumpygrumpy]

Have you got Richard Ferbers book?

[TLO]

No, not got any books, have read up on the net how to go about it, but hoping to start at some point ovetr the weekend so no time to get a book.

I know it is going to be hard, really hard, but I don't see any other way.

[EffiePerine]

I recently did this with DS who is 15 mo. Worked well within a couple of nights. 13 mo can be a tricky time (another blasted growth spurt) so if it doesn't work leave it a few weeks.

We did this:

Stick DS in cot, stands up and yells (him not me). Say goodnight and leave.

Return after 2 mins (subsequent nights 5 mons). If still yelling, pick up and cuddle (not strict CC method) till quiet, put down and leave.

Leave for 2 mins extra each time, so first night was 2 mins, 4 mins, 6 mins, 8 mins, 10 mins (then he was asleep).

I couldn;t stop him standing up, so just left it till he fell asleep. First night he fell asleep sitting up with his head resting on the side of the cot! He has since learned to lie down .

Night 1, few wakings
Night 2: woke at 11ish (when we went to bed, cot still in our room), 3ish, 7 for the day
NIght 3: same
Last night (after a week): 1 brief waking at 3am

I didn;t have to pick him up for any of the middle of the night wakings, as he settled dimself within a few mins. It was great for us as previously he was waking every 2 hrs at least for a feed (was co-sleeping).

[frumpygrumpy]

Not everyone like it but I do.

good for me

[TLO]

Thank you very much, now just need to pluck up the courage to actually put him through it.

Did either of you notice any behavoural problems in the day time. I am probably being stupid but the idea's against doing CC (the one about him feeling abondoned and that he can't trust me) has left me feeling a bit 'iffy'.

[ksld]

TLO just wanted to wish you luck - give it a go over the weekend and see how quickly he settles. If he is desperatly unhappy for ages then forget what all the books say and try again in a few weeks.

I may be completely wrong and it may make it harder next time, but when we did CC (actually my DH did most of it!) I was so upset by his crying DH had to come down to comfort me before going back up to settle DS. Even now I hate to leave him to cry. I don't think DS was in any way at all affected by it - I was extra loving in the day due to my 'guilt' - but I don't think he even remembered crying at night.

[TLO]

Thank you, just what I needed to hear

Wish me luck!!

[EffiePerine]

Actually, DS seemed much happier during the day (poss cos he was getting more sleep at night). I say was,because he is now teething again and extremely cross!

[frumpygrumpy]

I have 3 children, did it with 2. I have 2 loving, happy daughters and remember no daytime problems.

IMHO, its setting a gentle boundary not withdrawing love. Just keep reinforcing smiley, loving mummy at the times that are meant for smiley, loving mummies to be that way

Good luck. BTW, my children responded very quickly. Hope its the same for you.

[Tapster]

It is fine after 12 months I believe psychologically if you don't leave them to cry too long according to Tania Byron. It worked for my DD for naps and nighttime in 2 days at 12 months, I wouldn't have done it before then. You also get to understand the different sort of cries - you will mainly hear cross/angry at first. I would never let my DD cry for more than 30 mins, I checked at 5/10/15 and then I would feed her to sleep or hold her if it didn't work. In a very few babies it doesn't work. I would try it for 5 days if it doesn't work wait a couple of weeks and try again.

When DD is not sleeping well (molars coming through) she is not in a good mood all day and a very grumpy tired mummy doesn't feel like playing much so I think its best for both of you.

[bigdonna]

never worked with my kids but worked with children i nannied and childminded,but has not worked with 11mth old i am looking after now!!!!!

[frumpygrumpy]

Update please

[fairylights]

i have done almost the same as effieperine athough we weren't co-sleeping before. but have realized you really have to be more sympathetic for teething! my poor LO is 14 mo and was not sleeping at all well last week and into this weekend, we were perplexed then realized that 4 teeth had emerged - 2 at the back! Fortunately we had been more cuddley with him and given him calpol etc.. just need to be wise i guess. all the best

[peacelily]

It's ok to do it from 12 months if no other cause is established such as teething/other illness. It's when it's carried out under 12 months that it's (very) iffy and they might experience a sense of abandonment, so if you take a sensible caring approach and your baby responds to it there shouldn't be a problem. It sounds like you're having totally understandable qualms and you've thought this through so you're baby will be secure enough in his attachment to you to not be stressed by it.

Like other posters have said try it for 5 nights if still crying as desperately leave it for a while then give it another go in a fortnight or so.

I know you wouldn't but don't do the crying it out method as this is cruel. If the cc works then you're helping your baby with the ability to tolerate some anxiety and self soothe which will last him a leftime (smile)

Good luck!

[peacelily]

Have to admit I'm, not speaking from personal experience as we were lucky with dd but from sharing of knowledge from working as a therapist in a child psychology and psychiatry department, this is what the baby psychologists would recommend!

[TLO]

It has been fantastic

Friday night, we did 2,4,6 then 8 minutes then he was asleep for the wholeeeeeeeee night . He went straight down for his nap on Saturday.

Saturday night again 2,4,6, then 8 minutes asleep, he did wake up about 11-ish but he had a quick drink and cried for a little while but went back off till morning .
Sunday he went straight down for his nap

Then last night, I thought I'd increase the minutes, I was going to start with 3, then 6, then 9 etc. he was asleep after the first 2 minutes Again he woke up about 11-ish for a drink, but this time he went straight off without even a moan. And, then he woke up this morning when DH went in to say goodbye to him, I thought he would be up for the day then, (at 6.20 ) but nope, I led him down said, g'night and off he went

So we have had 3 whole nights in our own bed, we hadn't had night in our own bed for nearly 6 years!!!! It is wonderful Thank you everyone

[EffiePerine]

Fantastic news Isn't it nice having your own bed back?

[frumpygrumpy]

TLO, I just caught your update! How fantastic! I love it when a plan comes together, long may it continue