"untitled" - should read - Is this normal or am I a Drama Queen

[naughtystep]

Sorry, please forgot to add heading to my first post, please refer to "untitled". This is the only way I know to get my post read - am not very computer literate!!

[coppertop]

Here's a link to the other thread.

[naughtystep]

Thank you coppertop!

[chankins]

I'm not sure why you feel the way you do - if you don't mind me asking, did you have a traumatic birth or post natal depression ? At what age did you start to find your ds such hard work ?

[naughtystep]

Hi Chankins.

Sorry-have only just seen your post.

I had a very good birth with ds. It was quick, only 5and half hours but nothing traumatic. I struggled with breastfeeding at first and had midwives telling me to give him a bottle. I just remember the first two weeks being one long round of feeding, expressing milk and crying(me!)-but I suppose that is everyone's experience at first!

I found it a real shock to the system how much time a baby takes up and I think it has taken me a good 2 years to feel back to normal. Sometimes though I feel like I am never going to be the person I was before and I miss my old life. It's times like this I get really down as I feel guilty for feeling this way. I beat myself up because I think I'm totally selfish and I find it hard to enjoy parenthood sometimes. I find so much of it really tiring and tedious. I'm not very good at playing kids games and am always relieved when DH or someone else plays or reads with DS. I DO play with DS but am also wondering if some of his behaviour is because he wants more attention from me but I feel I haven't got anything left to give.

I am always comparing our life before to the one we have now-thinking "oh, we could go on that holiday but it wouldn't be the same with DS" or "God, I wish we could just flop out on Sunday and watch a DVD but we have DS and he will never leave us in peace". I'm always amazed and how other parents never seem to moan about how difficult it is to do things, they seem to really enjoy their children. Just typing all this makes me want to cry as I feel like such a terrible person and mum for feeling all these things as I really really love my little boy and would never be without him.

I then start wondering if all these thoughts are symptoms of depression or just plain old selfishness. The fact that I could be so selfish depresses me-it's a bit of a vicious cycle!