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Behaviour/development

7 year old can't cope with losing!

6 replies

JacksMum · 11/11/2007 22:14

My 7 year old gets very upset when in any (even mildly) competitive situation & things not going his way. Cries at football when his team loses or he doesn't score - says he is rubbish all the time - other boys don't do this & are starting to comment Takes all the pleasure out of any game for him. He just can't cope if he is not first/doesn't win/doesn't score etc etc. upsetting him and us. We are always giving him positive strokes but to no avail. Any advice please?

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DynamicNanny · 11/11/2007 22:26

I don't have any suggestions but will have a think etc

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snice · 11/11/2007 22:29

Have you always 'allowed' him to win games at home?

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PeachesMcLean · 11/11/2007 22:38

JacksMum, our DS is like this, he's 6. I'm hoping he's just going to grow out of it.

Incidentally we don't have a habit of "allowing" him to win games at home - eg things like board games. Part of our problem in that respect is that DS is just bloody lucky and winning board games (ie sheer luck like Snakes & Ladders) is just parr for the course for him. You want to try playing Top Trumps with him, it can be a very one sided game...

More seriously though, what sorts of comments is he on the receiving end of? Are they just things he'll note and learn from in a peer to peer kind of way or is it hurtful? Just because he may need to toughen up a bit doesn't mean the other kids can be rude about him.

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eorandpiglit · 12/11/2007 20:24

My son is exactly the same - you are describing him perfectly. Was reading this in the hope of some advice myself - seems it is a difficult one.

I have had lots of discussions about being a good sport and role playing what we say and do to be a good sport and showing him on TV the losing team shaking hands/commenting on how well the other team did etc.

The other thing I am trying at home at the moment with games (we have 2 other children) is to tell them upfront that I will give a prize for the "best sport" not the "winner". Also points for "teamwork" when the three of them do some activity together.

Would love to hear from someone whose son "used to be" like his but has grown out of it.

So far as I know my DS hasnt been receiving comments though...that does make it worse. Dont know what to suggest about those.

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MorocconOil · 12/11/2007 20:32

My ds(7)is the same. He's always saying he's rubbish at things. I used to respond by reassuring him he isn't but lately have tried ignoring it. I put it down to his closest friend at school being excellent at nearly everything and DS kept comparing himself with him.

He has been doing a sports club after-school but insisted on giving it up today after only 3 sessions, I suspect because he doesn't instantly win.

I would also love advice on how to handle it.

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JacksMum · 14/11/2007 12:55

Thanks - reassuring that others have the same experience - is it more of a boy thing? We don't always let him win at games and have got a bit tougher with this recently. He loves playing top trumps (but of course not when he isn't winning!)

We also try to teach him about being a good sport etc. He is an only child so this probably makes things a bit more difficul to get. I think the biggest problems are that a) it stops him enjoying things, and b) it stops him wanting to get better - his 'head goes down' when things aren't going well instead of trying harder.

Thinking there might be too much competition in his life - stickers for this, rewards for that. DH and I decided not to tkae him to football for a few weeks and do something else with him instead. Any further advice welcome!