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nursery causing anxiety.... any advice??

7 replies

ladymuckingitup · 31/10/2007 21:01

This is my first post, and I'm really hoping you may be able to help me get some perspective / insight into this one. My DD (two and three-quarters) started nursery in September with absolutely no problems. She loved it and would kiss me goodbye perfectly happily. But now, just over a month in, she has started sobbing that she doesn't want to go any more. I know that this is pretty normal, and that she is fine a few minutes after I have left, but what is really bothering me is how it is affecting everything else. She is usually a very relaxed, articulate and compliant child, but currently is pressing every button she can think of. I asked if she wanted to make me angry, and she said 'yes'. She has gone from being perfectly happy to go to bed to screaming that she doesn't want to, and waking for HOURS in the middle of the night wanting cuddles and refusing to go back to sleep. She was in our bedroom in a bedside cot until June, and I was delighted by how easy her transition was to her own bed in her own room. Now I am wondering whether I have rushed her too much in making this change and then starting nursery three months later? It's just so sad to see her this anxious.... should I press on with nursery and hope she comes out the other side of this phase, or am I expecting too much all in one go and should leave it for now? Sorry this is so long but am full of worry and guilt!

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Roarindrunk · 31/10/2007 21:09

why do you thionk it is the nursery making her anxious , have you spoken to the staff about how she is settling in ?

She made be tired , how many sessions is she doing ? perhaps cut them down until after Christmas .

Have a thinkl about the way you deal with er as YOU may be making her anxious . Kids do pick up on alot of things .

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karen999 · 31/10/2007 21:10

Hi - is your dd going to nursery full-time?

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rahrahrahrahrah · 31/10/2007 21:12

It might just be a phase. Ds started nursery at 2.5 and absolutely loved it, 2 months later he started getting really upset and anxious and behaving more difficult at home. The nursery anxiety only lasted a few weeks and by the time he turned 3 he was a little angel at home too . I think between 2 and 3 they become so much more self aware and it unsettles them.

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ladymuckingitup · 31/10/2007 21:48

She is only doing three mornings a week, so I don't think it can be tiring her out too much. The staff say she is fine while she is there, and I have stayed and spied and she genuinely looks happy. It is just that all of a sudden she started to crumple at the thought of going in the morning, and I was horrified to find myself leaving while she screamed hysterically. Not something I ever thought I would do, and I presume not something she ever thought I'd do either. It coincides with horrendous behaviour at home and dreadful nights, so I assume it is down to anxiety about nursery. I am worried I have shaken her trust in me. Rahrah... your reply is reassuring, thank you!

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Heathcliffscathy · 31/10/2007 21:52

ahhhh, separation anxiety comes and goes and it is painful and strikes right to the heart....all you can do is be there for her, listen to her, and bear with it.

pick up cues about anything that could be a new reason for her anxiety. otherwise hang firm and stay with what you've decided is right for her, i.e. nursery.

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juuule · 01/11/2007 09:19

You've moved her out of your room and started sending her to nursery in the space of 2-3 months. That might be quite a bit for an under-3 to deal with. Both things mean she's away from you more than she is used to. If you want to continue with nursery then persevere and give her lots of reassurance that you are still there for her. Put up with her tantrums and give her lots of attention and reassurance. Things will probably settle eventually. For me, if I had a choice, I'd bring her out of nursery.

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ladymuckingitup · 01/11/2007 19:03

Thanks everyone. This afternoon she told me that she thought she might die of her cough, as our goldfish had got sick and died. So I'm now wondering whether this confusion had been worrying her and causing some of the problems! She certainly settled much more happily to sleep tonight after I'd clarified matters. Fingers crossed.... it would be lovely to have a night's sleep, apart from anything else!

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