Please come and talk to me about your 7 year old

[BasinHaircut]

Mine (a boy) has become an absolute horror. Just at the outset I just want to say that he is at school as we are key workers and he doesn’t seem bothered by lockdown/covid etc.

Everything is an argument, he thinks he can bargain with the us. For example:
Me: can you go and get dressed please
Him: Only if I can watch Netflix/YouTube afterwards

Or he will ask for a snack, and the answer is no, dinner will be ready soon. And it’s ‘pleeeeeaase!’ Or he thinks he can negotiate from chocolate down to yoghurts and some fruit, or whatever.

We can’t tell him anything without it becoming an argument. I hear the words ‘can I watch YouTube’ before I open my eyes in the morning. Literally. He starts on the defensive because he knows the answer will be no, and so an argument ensues. Before I’m out of bed.

From school pick up to bedtime is a constant argument. I’m sick of it.

Does anyone have any tips?

[Twerking9to5]

I’ve just come on here to start a thread about my 7 yo DS (mainly anger issues but also everything you’ve mentioned!). Solidarity to you and I’ll also hang out to wait for responses. It’s exhausting isn’t it?

[Monroebeae]

Tbh I know it will be hard but I would try to completely detox from screen time altogether for awhile. It sounds like it’s affecting his behavior negatively (as it does with tons of other kids)

[BasinHaircut]

@Monroebeae I know but it’s so hard at the moment to completely remove screens given that apart from school he doesn’t leave the house.

He is using FaceTime to socialise with friends and as an only child he does need to be entertained, especially when we are WFH outside of school hours. He is an only child. We have started a new til of no screens before school now though. So only a couple of hours after school.

@Twerking9to5 it’s comforting to know it’s not me. Yes it is exhausting. So exhausting. I dread those couple of hours between school and dinner when it’s just constant.

[AuntyJack]

@BasinHaircut what about designing a daily schedule with youtube / Netflix time and snack time built in so he knows it is coming. He probably asks constantly because he's never sure when it's coming and if he doesn't ask he might not get any at all.

[sibbys]

We have a "no ipad before school" rule. They did moan about it but we just didn't argue with them about it - it was just a simple "no". They got over it the second day. My experience is that if I don't seem afraid to set boundaries they aren't bothered arguing with us. It's like they just accept the fact that we set up new rules. In the weekends we have a "no ipad before 7am". They get up at around 6. They are allowed to turn on their lights and play in their rooms or read books until 7. I hate the arguing and morning about everything but I think it's just a normal part of growing up.

[sibbys]

Moaning not morning *

[Anothermother3]

It’s really hard with only children at the moment! I have 3 and the 7 year old is the most stress inducing and the most stressed of the 3. I supposedly have no screen time during the week but end up putting nursery rhymes on for the toddler more than I ever have before (in the later afternoon when trying to finish work). My older two will even settle for that over no screen time. Can he have certain tasks he needs to do before screen time? Does he like reading or drawing? Anything else? Will he play a board game with you when you’re not working? Maybe have a more structured time where he can choose to do one of several things and then limit screen time so it’s completely consistent and predictable. We have movie night on a Friday which they look forward to and tv on weekends but I try and delay it. Much easier when you have more than one and they play together.

Do you talk about how he is feeling? I really liked ‘The Whole Brain Child’ by Daniel Siegel might be worth a read it goes on a bit but the actual take home messages are on point. My 7 year old has massive meltdowns and can be fairly reasonable in between them but isn’t very emotionally literate so really struggles when he feels angry or overwhelmed. I also think I’m stressed/fed up at the moment and I’m trying to take time to be more playful as I know it impacts on the kids.

[studychick81]

Came on here to say exactly this about my 8yo. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. Everything is a battle with him too, everything is a no, everything is a negotiation. We have to watch what we say, how we say it. We have to compromise and then he's not happy anyway. I try to make walks fun like doing geocaching but no, that's boring. He battles against being told what to do, going out is a battle, as is homework, bedtime and a shower. I ve hit a wall and don't know what to do anymore.

[Cocacola12]

I’m experiencing similar with my 7 year old ds too. I long to go back even a year or two again when he seemed so happy and carefree. Life was so much easier. He’s so angry and unhappy and arguing with us all. I just want to sweep him up and make it all better, but I can’t.

[Cocacola12]

Also have a 6 and almost 2 year old and they are so much easier. Just feel so sad that life is so hard for my 7 year old and I can help.

[Eastie77]

Sounds exactly like my 7 year old daughter. The nonstop backchat, attempts at negotiating over every simple request and arguments are exhausting.

To control screen time I created 30 minute screen tokens. She is given a set amount at the beginning of the week and can use them as when she wants. When they are all used up that's the end of screen time. It took her a week or so to work out how to use them judiciously. I got the idea from an American parenting site and it has has helped a lot.