worried about toddler's reaction to newborn

[readinginbed]

My 15 month old is very protective of me, completely loses it even when i'm getting my blood pressure taken by midwives. I'm going to have next baby in 3 months and am worried how he will react to newborn, particularly the breastfeeding which he is weaned off now but he LOVED it and can't see him being happy about another baby having what he can't have anymore. Help! anyone been here before?

[insywinsyspider]

I'm expecting my second in 7 wks and ds will be 19mo, I'll be watching your thread with interest for hints and tips! but one thing we have started doing is giving him quality one-to-one time with other adults, dh does a lot more bath and night time so if I can't manage it when baby gets here ds will be used to it and he's stayed over night at my mum and dads and spent some days with them too - I miss him like mad when he's not here but I'm hoping its helping adjust

I'm not sure about the breastfeeding thing, we stopped at 7 months so ds can't remember - only thing someone said to me was don't give in, even to let them 'try it', it'll be exhausting for you and if he wants feedig when baby does it'll be difficult to manage esp if you already made the decision not to bf him any more.

hope someone with experience answers you x

[Chaotica]

I gave up bf dd at about 14m and ds arrived when she was 17m and I honestly don't think she remembers (although I know some do).

One month on, DD and DS are doing fine (although I'm still nervous about how things are going) -- she puts teddy to bed, feeds him, changes nappies etc and would do the same for DS if I gave her the chance (instead she 'helps'...). Apparently, she even phones him from her childminder's house. That said, I do feel guilty about neglecting DD sometimes, and I do have to leave DS yelling while I sort out something for DD. I agree with Loopy about the first meeting, and a sling is great.

[Elsbells]

I wouldn't worry too much about DS 'remembering' being BF and being jealous when you feed the new baby. My DS (22m apart from my DD who is just now 21 weeks) used to use a dummy and be in a cot.

At 18m we weaned him from the dummy (he only used at night anyhow) and put him into his ownn bed soon after as we needed the cot.

DD now has a dummy and has recently moved into the cot and DS is none the wiser.

It will all be fine.

[fannyanne]

I have 14 months between mine , althogh DD was weaned from the BF at 6 months, she was still curoious when I began BF DS. I was happy for her to try, she had two attempts , giggled and never mentioned it again.
She has always got on fine with DS and "Mothers" him and is as protective of him as she is of me.
We also did the crib thing for first meeting
I wish I had had a sling, luckily DS was quite to content to be on the floor/pram/cot in the same room.

Wishing you lots of enjoyable times with your growing family

[readinginbed]

thanks for all the advice, feel a bit more positive about the whole thing now! have sling ready though not sure how i feel about giving DS1 BF again was SO hard to get him weaned will feel like a backward step, tho i can see how it would be a good idea to keep him happy when he sees newborn BF. He has a rabbit he feeds toast to so hopefully he can pretend that's his newborn too! And will definitely be empty-armed when DS1 sees me after birth, have heard that piece of advice a lot it seems good idea.

[Mum2Lucas]

My son was 2 when I gave birth to my second ds. DS2 was premature and taken into the SCBU, the nurses in there recommended getting little 'presents' (we chose small toy cars) to leave in DS2s cot for DS1. It seems like bribery but it worked, DS1 was always excited about going to see DS2, said thankyou, stroked his hair and gave him a kiss. Plus, the new toy gave him something to do as hospitals aren't particularly interesting for toddlers and meant he was too busy playing with his new toy to be jealous of the cuddles DS2 was getting

[franke]

Oh yes, we did the presents from the new baby as well. My only advice (along with all the excellent tips here) is to be incredibly positive about the impending change. Okay, he won't 'get' it as such but he will get the positive vibes. When baby arrives, involve your son - he can 'help' with changing and bathing. Have him photographed 'holding' his new baby brother or sister (yes, it is possible - just crop the picture so you can't see the adult arm holding it all together!). If he feels involved from the get go, he will be absolutely fine.