Can someone help me please..

[mrsjw17]

I know it's near Christmas & kids are excited but I'm really at the end of my tether.. I need some help please.

I have two girls, one 7 & one 5.

We moved to a bigger house 2 years ago so we had more space & so the girls had their own space with their own bedrooms.

The have no respect for the house.

Leave their rubbish everywhere, never tidy up after themselves, no respect with the furniture/house, bedrooms are a complete mess that they now have no room to play, get undress & leave clothes all over the floor...
The list goes on.

I never invite anyone round cause I just can't keep up.

I suffer with a heart condition & also CFS (fibromyalgia) so I suffer badly with fatigue. Every day is a struggle in itself without this added pressure.
The girls know that I don't have the energy like other Mummy's.

The amount of time I've just cried & cried cause I just don't know what to do.

I think they may possibly play that to their advantage by knowing that I haven't got the energy to keep going on & on.

My husband works full time & he is extremely helpful when he comes home but they still don't listen to him or follow the rules.

It's got to the point now where I just don't know what to do.
As a mother I feel like a complete failure.

We've gave them more space but they're just so disrespectful towards it.
They were never like this in our home before.

All I'd like is at the end of the evening my front room to be chilled & relaxing but instead I'm surrounded by their mess, despite repeating myself about them tidying up.

Please don't be nasty - It takes a lot for a Mum I think to ask for help & advise but I genuinely don't know what I need to do to fix this?

Any pointers or tips would be amazing.

[LouiseTrees]

How do you discipline them? If you don’t discipline them do you at least show and explain to them how this affects you ( ie encouraging empathy) ?

[mrsjw17]

They have things taken away from them when this misbehave.
I give them warnings & a chance to correct what they've done wrong before I take things away.
They have both seen me in tears about it & they know how much it upsets me.
My eldest knows that Mummy is poorly, she knows about all my medication etc.

[JingleJohnsJulie]

Could your DH book some time off once the DC are back at school and go through their stuff together and get rid of a lot of it?

Make sure you have some good storage in their rooms once you've tidied up too.

[mrsjw17]

I think we gonna have to have a change up.
Get some new storage & sort through things & hope for the best that it works.

I just feel like I've become an awful Mummy. I know they probably don't think that but I feel like it.
I feel like I'm always moaning & I'm no longer fun/cheerful Mummy 😩😢

[Aria999]

Sounds seriously hard work!

We're hardly a model and f success here but here are some ideas:

Ban their stuff from the front room. If necessary pick up everything they leave in there and confiscate it for a week every time they do it.

Make sure everything has a place it lives.

Can you get them to compete? E.g have a competition for each of them to go through their things and find stuff to give to charity? Or give a prize to whichever of them has the tidier room at bedtime?

[mrsjw17]

Sounds seriously hard work!

We're hardly a model and f success here but here are some ideas:

Ban their stuff from the front room. If necessary pick up everything they leave in there and confiscate it for a week every time they do it.

Make sure everything has a place it lives.

Can you get them to compete? E.g have a competition for each of them to go through their things and find stuff to give to charity? Or give a prize to whichever of them has the tidier room at bedtime?

Thank you so much for your comment.
I think that's a good idea that everything they leave in the front room gets confiscated & they have to earn it back or even states confiscated for a week.
I have tried the challenges before but I will try again.
Today both of their rooms have been tided & they said that they like it. We have also moved their room around so hopefully that'll help.
I'm just tired of talking to myself & feeling like I'm no longer the adult in the house.
Hopefully things will change soon.

[ZooKeeper19]

@mrsjw17 well cannot relate to the ages but I know what my mum would do. Anything left on the floor gets binned. And I mean binned. Book, clothes, toys - binned. No new things, nil. You don't put things in washing? You wear them dirty. No dishes in the sink at least? No dinner.

No Tv, no friends around, no fun. You behave, or you stay in your room and deal with yourself. I know many will say 5 and 7 is way too young, bla bla - no. Respect is a thing they can have no matter what age.

[mrsjw17]

@ZooKeeper19 I know exactly what you mean. Respect is one thing that bothers me. I know respect because they're good when we are out & never play me up but at home is a different story. There is a little bit of respect but is definitely lacking in the places it should be.

I don't want to be one of those Mum's that's like "darling don't do that.." (if you know what I mean) I never have been & I never will be.

Their rooms have been cleared & there is now a new system in place.
I will get my home back to how it was before my illnesses got the better of me & they will get that respect back.

I determined for it to happen. It will happen.

[raising2children]

Hi there. Can I just say... I dreamt of having children for such a long time and then finally met my fella and had kids when I was 37 + 39yrs. I knew parenting was hard but blimey it is so TIRING! and you are parenting whilst living with fibromyalgia so be proud of your achievements.

I'm just wondering if they behaved like this before the pandemic? When schools and homes could do more things and be with others e.g. burn excess energy. I know my toddler boys get bored at home because we used to do a lot more things; pop to the shops, playgrounds, swimming etc. Nursery 'boundaries' are more considered.
One thing that really is hard is not seeing the extended family which means there's is a lot of change to cope with. Kids can't always express those emotions so we see their feelings through their behaviours. Have you noticed a change in their behaviour which is unusual?

I've started to say you can play with X when Y is tidied up.
Would a reward chart help? (try use positive rather than negative e.g. "clean room = X" rather than "if room is dirty = X"- say what you want)

are they competitive? could it be a race to clear up first?

if your children like books/reading/certain character. could you research a story that is similar to your situation to hang the conversations and empathy on?

good luck and remember your a fab mum, their mum and we are all just working it out as we go along!

[mrsjw17]

@raising2children it's so tiring! I've never known tiredness like it 😂 I need to cut myself some more slack but I hate the thought that my illness is letting them down.
To be honest they were the same before the pandemic but I think they have got slightly worse.
I know that it's been incredibly tough for them & I feel for them as I feel like they have had a part of their child room robbed from them & also had to grow up slightly quicker than they perhaps would have done if this didn't arise.
We certainly used to do more than we do now, but since the pandemic come about my illness has got 100x worse after a chest infection I caught from someone at work (which the hospital were convinced I had false negative result - to be honest I think I did too).
I have been signed off work now since the beginning of October & doesn't look like I will be returning anytime soon - but hey that's a different matter.
Since riding their rooms the other day & helping me around the house the last couple of days they have realised how tiring it is to do all the boring adult stuff!
I have had them helping me to get a feel for how hard it is 😂 (naughty me some would probably say!)
My children are very competitive against one another but the eldest always wins no matter what & also puts my youngest down (which is another thing we are addressing).
Thank you so much for your comment it does mean a lot.
You are so right, we are all working it out as we go along, if only there was a guide book 😂

[Smokey23]

Need some advice....

We have our 18mos pedia coming up soon and im freaking nervous about his milestone.. he can barely speak a word, he once spit out some words but did not repeat it again.. he says baba, mama, daddy, papa, aaaaa, all the time he tried the elepheant and jelly fish the other day but never again... he made very good eye contact, he plays with me and loves hide and seek... he barely point into something and only knows his tummy, he once did ears before but never again

I know this might be a speech delay but here in north america they really go by the book...

We speak two language at home so i know this is also a factor of delay and he is still in pacifier..

I am very worried.. but my husband keeps telling me he is fine, i also talk to few mom and they say it is normal as theirs didnt speak till 2.5yrs old or even till now.. 😢

[mrsjw17]

@Smokey23 have you placed this one another thread? It might been seen my more people?

[Smokey23]

Yes sorry i just figure out how to add new thread didnt meant to post it under your thread.. i apologize

[mrsjw17]

@Smokey23 please don't apologise I just thought it might be more beneficial for you. I hope you get the answers you need.