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Boundaries and consequences(4 Posts)
Hello, I am writing this so I can offer my friend some ideas as she is at her wits end.
Her son is 13 and already well into puberty. The family has been self isolating a lot during the pandemic so I think his behaviour has been more apparent.
He has what I can only describe as a total disregard for consequence. For example, Orders stuff from Amazon with parents cards, visits websites he is barred from using, communicates with people he is not allowed to for his safety, trolling, talks of unsafe behaviour with others online. He knows he will be found out but does it regardless.
He shows remorse straight after the event but the next day will do exactly them same. He finds boundaries very difficult too.
He performs well at school and doesn’t get into trouble there.
It’s a fine line between being a teenager or could this be a condition like borderline personality disorder? Or similar. As none of out friends have this difficulty it would be interesting to know if any of know or dealt with this?
It seems like this is mostly related to internet use. It's tough when they're reaching that age but he is STILL a child. If he can't use the internet responsibly then all modes of accessing the internet are removed. She might just be best to order new bank cards and keep them locked up. If he gets an pocket money then he uses this to pay back for the things he's bought or he does jobs to earn that back. If he struggles to connect the consequences then it's up to his parents to enforce those consequences assertively whilst trying not to be too judgemental or emotional about it. Acknowledge that he's sorry and don't be afraid to give big hugs and tell him you still love him etc but the consequences still stand. Lots of teenagers rebel and are awful lol but grow into basically decent adults so don't panic but nip it in the bud now xx
Thank you. Relived you don’t think it’s more serious. Xx
Totally agree with Jannt86. I would suggest his parents to use a good parental control app on his phone since it could be just the main cause of all his problem. If he has android phone look for Family Link or Safe Lagoon. For PC the standard windows parental control should be enough, but she needs to check often if he is bypassing it. Then she has to limit the screen time to maximum one hour a day and to block it at night one hour before bedtime.
The second point, she needs to be extremely consistent with consequences, otherwise these don't work at all. The goal should be clear preset rules with solid inescapable consequences, including no screen time at all for the next days.
All in addition to a lot of talks, calm and open discussions, love and hugs.
Healthy diet and enough sleep make the thing complete.