Really need advice on 4 year old Son Please

(4 Posts)
Sockmonster23 Mon 26-Oct-20 20:08:17

He was diagnosed ASD privately by his dad, I left the relationship well he kicked me out abuse, but he took my son from me when we were all out one day and even through court I didn’t get him back. My mistake was believing I was getting legal aid but never did In time before anyone has a go at me I was seriously in shock, no money or home but he found me and yes it took longer than I hoped to be granted it. At this stage dad had my son diagnosed and settled and he was asking me to go to session. H is a master manipulator and very good. Anyway we are now through the courts and I have an order. This half term my lovely Son is with us all, to far today he has punched me, his sister and head butted his 3 year old brother who now has a little bruise side of his nose. My daughter said he didn’t mean to head butt he gets excited / distressed and moves around. I’m literally terrified as his ‘Perfect’ narc dad will blame me. I am watching like a hawk, I’ve had trips planned Out and we are busy and yesterday has a lovely time at a SEN session. They play lovely one minute and it’s like WW3 the next. He plays better with my daughter who is 7 but his brother it’s all great for little while but mainly my 4 year old doing something but my 3 year old is also copying his behaviour. I’m stepping in but it’s happening so much I feel my days are so long. I’m exhausted.

My 3 year old has never had a bruise there , he also got a little bump from running away from his brother at the park. Normally it would be boys are boys as my daughter was much easier in general but I have no idea how to deal with my son as he doesn’t live with me and when I try and tell him off gently he has meltdown and says I’m not in trouble and cries and I feel bad. I remember a couple of episodes of my ex shouting at my son when he was a small toddler and calling him a horrible name whilst my son cried for him and wanted a hug and he pushed him away , I hated him for that. I see that now when he does something he wants a hug straight away. I love him and miss him and live having him but I’m literally in panic to keep him hurting my other two. I honestly see it and anything can trigger him and he lashes out. When he punched me in the lips quite hard, was red for a while but gone down, it was so quick even I didn’t see it coming. Any advise please ?

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Sockmonster23 Mon 26-Oct-20 20:18:08

I forgot to say as well that My son was a a very gentle toddler and baby,he was so placid and gentle. When his dad used to shout at him I asked him not to as that was making him worse. I got abuse whenever I supposedly infered. He would threatened me and say he would make me homeless and make sure I never had the kids. Apparently I wasn’t allowed to discipline the kids.

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LittleTiger007 Tue 27-Oct-20 11:36:00

This is so sad op. I don’t really have any advice but I wanted to comment and encourage you. You sound like a patient caring mother. It sounds like your situation is impossible and your narcissistic exH is making things much worse for your son. I hope someone can offer some advice.

Sockmonster23 Wed 28-Oct-20 08:18:56


Thank you!for the most part we have had a good week, think it was that day. I’ve done a course from early bird and will probably ask for another one. Had a lovely time again yesterday. I will always be here for him even if he doesn’t live with me I will cherish every moment.

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