Son is mean to our family pet

[Frenchdressing]

I have 3 DC, youngest is 10. We got a dog over lockdown. Had been planning it for ages and the kids were all prepared by us in terms of what it would mean.

We’ve had the dog since June. Got him from RSPCA rescue centre. He’s pretty good bit has a few challenging issues that we are working on. Older kids fine with dog. Youngest not so much. I think the reality of getting a dog is very different to what he imagined. Anyway his interest in the dog waned a bit since he arrived but that’s fine, me and DH are happy to do the work. However, a couple of things have happened that have been worried.

DS has been mean to the dog on at least 3 occasions I know of. Dog is a bit nervous and son deliberately kicked cushions off sofa next to her giving her a fright, said it was accidental. Gave him benefit of doubt but older DS says he has done it since. Last week we had a major issue because he spooked the dog so much he urinated in the floor. Never got to the bottom of this. I think he dropped him but who knows.

We had a very long talk and he seemed contrite. Couldn’t really articulate why he did it though. Then tonight I catch him sat next to the dog and deliberately pinged the catch on his crate...this is something the dog hates.

I am so upset and angry. Told him so. He can’t say why he did it. Says dog annoys him but he can’t explain more than that. Told him how sad and disappointed I am and that I cannot trust him. We will of course be making sure the dog is fine but the big worry in this is WTAF is going on with DS? Am I raising a psychopath?

We’re a happy, stable family. He’s not being bullied. I asked about this. He is quiet and a bit withdrawn sometimes and finds school a struggle. However, he seems fairly ‘normal’....if there is such a thing.

What can I do? How much should I be worried? (Have namedchanged)

[Hyperfish101]

Sorry for mixed pronouns....dog is a him. Our last dog (pre kids) was a her. Gets confusing,

[Strawberry33]

Hi Op. I think it Might be that your son was expecting a dog that would “like” him straight away. He could feel a bit hurt by the dogs responses and see it as if the dog doesn’t like him.
Do some basic little excercise like having son give dog bits of yummy food. The dog will be more interested in him. When the dog is more friendly with him say to son things like “oh look he wants to be with you” ect. Also make a little game of trying to find dogs magic spot he likes to be petted on. When son finds a bit he likes and the dog shows signs of joy say “ oh look he loves that- you’ve found a way to make him feel lovely 😊 must feel so nice”. Talk to your son about what makes him feel the same way.. make it into a relaxed conversation about feeling nice and ask him if he wants the favour returned.. I would lay off the blame and lectures or being dissapointed. Just work on showing love and reading emotions. X

[Hyperfish101]

Thanks so much for your response.

The dog is a big if a challenge at time and DS has said that he doesn’t think the dog likes him much. Trying to get him to bond a bit more makes sense.

[Hotwaterbottlelove]

This comes from a therapeutic parenting book but you might still find the content useful.

First time attaching imago on MN so hope this has worked.

[Hotwaterbottlelove]

This comes from a therapeutic parenting book but you might still find the content useful.

First time attaching imago on MN so hope this has worked.

[Hyperfish101]

Thanks that’s really useful.

[changednamealways]

I don't think he is a psychopath. Not everyone likes dogs, they can be a bit annoying to have around, very needy and if your son hasn't bonded with the dog he's probably feeling it's a bit of an intruder, and this is how he's expressing his annoyance. Like pp said, I wouldn't address it with stern telling offs but more of an educational response. Does he get involved with walks and games? Could you get him to try and train the dog to do some tricks?