2.5 yo “difficult to manage” at crèche - Please tell me it’s just a phase

[Watchingthetelly]

Looking for some sage advice please from all you wise people out there!

2.5 yo DS has always been a bit tricky. He fights us on everything e.g. nappy changes, getting dressed, washing hands, teeth brushing, what to eat, when to stop an activity, leave a place, etc. He’s also a very lively, articulate kid who laughs a lot and gives us loads of hugs.

I’ve just had a call from crèche that his poor behaviour is escalating and he’s “becoming difficult to manage“. He won’t share at all, hits the other kids when he doesn’t get his way and goes into these meltdowns where he’s just sobbing and sobbing and is beyond hearing what the teachers are trying to say. We’ve experienced multiple similar episodes at home. He attends crèche 8 to 3.30pm five days a week as we both work full time. He seems to love crèche and is rarely reluctant to go in.

He’s an OC and has a very stable home life with DH, GD and myself. I think he’s a bit indulged by GD but otherwise we’ve really tried to follow all the general advice on relating to toddlers and managing their behaviour.

Feeling a bit worried and worn out this afternoon. I’d appreciate any advice on whether this might be a phase, something bigger than that and how to maybe manage it. Many thanks in advance for any responses.

[BackforGood]

If your Nursery staff are calling you specifically to discuss this with you, then I think you need to listen to them. That is their job, day in, day out to work with small children the same age as your ds. If his behaviour is worthy of them calling you, then it is likely to be out of the "usual expectations" for his age.
Take a deep breath, and arrange to have another call with Nursery - ideally both you and your dh, and ideally with both the key worker and the SENCo. Listen to what they have to say, and be honest with yourself about things you have been concerned about (as you have on here).
Then ask them if they think it is worth him being referred anywhere for further assessment.
Ask them if there are some strategies then can put into place at Nursery that might help, and if there are strategies that you can try to use consistently both at home and Nursery - it might be simple things like some sort of warning / countdown before transitions, or photo or picture cues to help him understand what is happening, and why.
They should have the experience, and also access to further advice for when they get stuck.

[Watchingthetelly]

An update if anyone comes across this post, he’s completely fine. The phase lasted about six weeks and seems to have been difficult toddler behaviour coupled with not great teachers at the crèche. New teachers took over and his behaviour improved almost instantly.

[Jannt86]

I'm so glad you put that OP because I was going to advise that you try and look carefully at how the creche are managing this behaviour. Mine was miserable and unhappy with her first cm then I moved her to a nursery and they rarely have a bad word to say about her and whenever behaviour is a bit off they can usually identify why (eg; older kids mixing with her group/no sleep etc) Sometimes kids do have behaviour issues but if they're acting up in their nursery the first thing I would always look at is if the nursery are handling this appropriately and not assume something was up with the child necessarily. I did some shadowing at one nursery and it was horrendous. They bawled out a 3YO right in front of his entire pier group admitedly because he wee'd in the playground but still. That's definitely not how I'd want my child treated and can see how exposure to that kindof discipline especially from someone who the child might not know that well could result in behaviour issues. I'm glad your LO is settled xx

[Watchingthetelly]

Hi @Jannt86 I think a lack of sleep was a huge contributing factor. He wouldn’t sleep for those teachers and I had said I thought he was so cranky because he was exhausted. They just said he refused to sleep and there was nothing they could do. New teachers had him sleeping 90 mins every day within a week and his behaviour improved massively! He’s definitely a bit of a trickier child than some but he’s mostly manageable, he just needs managing like lots of toddlers.