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Help! My 22 month old is out of control(4 Posts)
I never thought I would be writing anything like this so please be kind,
I’ve got a 22 month old and a 7 month old, my 22 month old is literately out of control, if I say no he just doesn’t listen he laughs or try’s to hit and bite me. He climbs on the table throws things and breaks everything!! If he see’s me tidy or fold something he will just mess it straight back up, I can’t even have a house phone because he will scream until he finds a way to reach it then it will end up with the battery’s out or lost so I’ve had to just ditch it all together, I’ve tried to teach him to be gentle with the cat but he will chase the poor thing and hold onto his tail or pull his legs, Yes I do shout but I think it’s because I just feel so stressed. (I have tried to be calm and praise good behaviour but it honestly seems to make him worse)
He has also never slept through the night since he was born he is so fussy and barley eats anything, he still breastfeeds as it’s the only way I can calm him down, he won’t sleep unless I breast feed him.
I was fostered so I don’t have any family to help and my partner is useless he doesn’t do anything he actually is just like a 3rd child. The only break I’ve had since my first child was born was giving birth to my second. I’m just so lost I don’t know what to do! Am I doing something wrong!? Please any advice would be welcomed with open arms
Thank you for reading xx
I am sorry but this sounds like a normal developmental stage rather than something that needs investigating. At 22 months he simply doesn't have the impulse control not to do something because you've told him not to. He also doesn't have the emotional awareness that would make him feel for you when you get frustrated: if he does something and you shout that sounds quite funny so he'll laugh. He is quite simply to young to understand that you are another "I" just like him.
For the time being, it is your job to keep both him and your property (and hopefully your sanity) safe.
The answer lies in planning.
Make sure furniture is topple-proof, bookcases and things nailed to the wall.
Put breakables away straightaway- don't leave cups sitting around.
When you're doing a job, like cooking or folding clothing, give him a little job to do too: maybe a plastic tub he can stir with a wooden spoon or an old T-shirt to fold. Keep him on the floor away from what you're doing. My grandmother used to have a cupboard full of non-breakables for us to play at cooking when she was busy in the kitchen.
Remember that there is no way he can understand that what he is doing unfolding all your clothes is any less valuable than what you are doing folding them. To his mind, you are both playing a fun game and it is very confusing for him if you get cross. Try to anticipate and keep the no-no's to a small number of items/actions that he can (gradually) learn to remember.
Also ignoring him.
If he laughs when told off, don't rise to it: just calmly repeat what you were saying and stop him from doing whatever it was. Eventually he will learn that it isn't worth trying because mummy gets her way anyway.
If he screams for the phone, let him scream. It won't hurt him and you can always distract yourself by singing or something (I used to do this a lot). It is better for him to learn that he doesn't get things by screaming, that his screaming doesn't frighten you. This may take time to sink in but children get there eventually if you persevere.
It gets better. Work in progress.
The next stage is when they start saying things that would be horrendously hurtful if said by an adult (like, "when are you going to die mummy so I can go and live with Ben's mum?")- again, you have to remember that they just haven't got the emotional development to understand how this comes across.
Thank you! It’s hard to remember sometimes that they are to little to understand, I know he doesn’t mean to upset me when he’s doing things like this and he is just exploring the big wide world, it’s just very frustrating 🙈
Thank you for you message I think I needed to hear and read all of that xx
@corythatwas that was a wonderful message and in a year or so I'm going to come back and read that.
@Mummyof2u2 no advice but things sound hard and your DP sounds useless. If he's adding to your stresses do you really see a future with him?
Either way, you got this Mama - don't beat yourself up. (But keep looking after the cat, I spend my life deterring my nine month old from grabbing at the cat and she can only wriggle and roll so is easier to control but I know how hard it is!) x