Please help-I've lost my trust in this damn system!!!!

[Flowertots]

We put dd in nursery part-time when she was 18 months old. Every day, the only feedback we got was that she was a "good girl". We had a parents evening and the deputy manager told us that they had some concerns. They asked us to attend a meeting with a SENCO rep. Not really knowing what this was about, me and hubby went along expecting them to comment on her speech which was coming along a bit slowly.
This complete stranger who had watched dd for 1/2 a day started talking about dd's speech, her walking, her lack of concentration etc etc etc, the list went on and on. I was absolutely mortified!!! She suggested we go and see a specialist and we then started getting bombarded with letters for appointments nearly every week.
After some thought, we decided not to go down the route of a specialist. Reasons why...

1. DD is happy, healthy and well-behaved which is most important.
   
2. DD is only 2.5 yrs and there is plenty of time for progress without labelling her at such an early stage.
   
3. The appointments, assessments and stupid diary systems the "specialists" put in place would cause a lot of stress and upset to everyone.
   
4. I've seen other children with delayed speech.
   
5. Yes, she had bad concentration.....isn't that what 2.5 yr old are SUPPOSED to have??!!
   
   I'm sorry to be going on here but I don't know if I'm over-reacting or if I should hire a nanny now. The nursery say they can't understand anything dd says and that she doesn't listen to any instructions at all. She sounds like a Jeykll and Hyde because she's come leaps and bounds at home. Has anyone had a similar problem? I think dd thrives more on 1-2-2 attention, should I look at putting her with a nanny or am I over-reacting?

[RubyShivers]

i think your nursery has not handled this well at all

what a shock - being told all is well to this is unaccpetable IMO

what have they said specifically about her walking etc?

Have YOU any concerns about her development, or has your HV or GP ever said anything to you?

[NAB3]

We had something vaguely similar. My DD started playschool at 2.5 and I thought all was okay, exceot she wasn't keen at being dropped off. Then, we were told there had been no improvement in the 5 months she had been there and if it carried on they would get special needs in. We removed her immediately.

[Flowertots]

Hi Ruby and NAB-thanks for your comments.

About dd's walking-she does what they call "pigeon-toeing" which is where she walks with her feet in-turned. We have spoken to our GP and that and the speech and he said they were just "scare-mongering". He also said that she walks with her feet in-turned out of habit. We took her to see a specialist who had some insoles especially made (only because we were so panicked) but again said that there's nothing physically wrong.

NAB where did you put dd after taking her from the nursery? With a nanny or another playgroup?

[RubyShivers]

from what you have said your nursery are way off track!
if your GP is happy with your DD, and you have seen a specialist re her walking then i would put your trust in them
I would be making an appt with nursery to discuss their apparent mis-handling and take things from there

[NAB3]

Actually, I noticed last week that DD turns her feet in a bit but decided not to stress about it as already been down that road that she had something wrong with her feet, and the docs at GOSH said she was fine.

We put DD in a private nursery but took her out after about 7 months as no longer trusted them.

[mumofhelen]

I don't want to repeat myself - go to my profile and you'll read my experiences. I don't think you are over reacting. I would wait until your dd 3 year check comes up - and it will come up because it's often at the same time as the 4-in-1 and MMR vaccinations, so the GP surgery/health visitors tend not to forget this appointment. In some areas, a questionaire is sent out, but you can still ask your health visitor to check your dd - depending how well you get on with your health visitor.
I am aware that some nurseries are using "special needs" as an excuse to get additional funding, although they'll all vehemently deny this.
There are 2 ways of dealing with this: take your child out of the nursery and place her with yourself or a childminder OR dispute your nursery's diagnosis. You could start by asking your qualifications the SENCO has and how many years of experience she/he has. Depending on the reply, I would skip these so-called specialist and go straight to a consultant peadiatrician if things are really serious. And quite frankly, if your dd is really that bad, she should be examined by a consultant peadiatrician in any case.

[mymatemax]

Hi flowertots
Sorry you are having this worry.
Who was this person who observed your dd, are they qualified to carry out such observations & was it done with your permission?
Ideally the nursery should (sorry for stating the obvious) be communicating regularly & more informally, hitting you with all those concerns is not particularly helpful.

However IME appointments & follow ups with various specialists are like gold dust & they WON'T label/dx your child with being certain & without discussing it with you first.
All the time you are waiting for appointments your dd will continue to be the happy little girl she is & if there is nothing picked up they will be only too pleased to discharge her.
IF on the other hand she does have difficulty in any area, the earlier support is put in place the better. The most important thing is not a Label but to give a child the support they need.
You know your child if YOU are concerned arrange an appointment with a developmental paediatrician.

[TotalChaos]

Absolutely UTTERLY agree with mymatemax. Far better for her to have appointments and it to be found that all is OK, and nursery have been alarmist, than to be stuck on a lengthy waiting list if things don't improve a year or so down the line. To be honest I feel quite that you are being bombarded with appointment letters, round my way the waiting lists are hideously long and it's hard to get on them at under 3.

One thing that does concern me about your nursery is that if your DD's speech is delayed, they should be considering whether she might have difficulty understanding their instructions, or have a slight hearing problem, rather than assuming she isn't listening.

[muppetgirl]

I would ask the nursery for some evidence as to where they have got this idea from. I know one lady observed for 1/2 a day but what were their concerns before this? When I taught, if I had concerns about a child I would casually observe, say on post it notes and stick on their personal file and then I could build up a picture to enable me to ask a TA to do a more formal observation, then take things further.

My son did not talk at all until he was 2. The hv was concerned enough to refer him as he didn't double babble or really do anything but listen to what was going on around him.
His last nursery wanted to keep him back in the 'baby' class rather than move him with his peers as he was 'immature' and hand 'little concentration span' and wouldn?t go and do adult led activities. He was 3.2 at the time!! All we were ever told was that he'd had 'a good day' previous to this. They were also telling us that he was behind on writing his name wouldn?t put anything he had done up on the walls.

We moved him as we felt that the nursery nurses weren't qualified in teaching him to write, and he didn?t need to do that at his age. He can be very silly but he's 3!!!!
I found this all rather distressing as he knows far more than some 4 years olds I've taught when the nursery seemed to be describing a child that wasn't really mine.

Have your child looked at if you think there is a genuine need, which there may be, but not you feel pressured to.

[tigger32]

Hi flowertots, if this was me i would have my ds out of that nursery straight away!
Have you spoken to you health visitor? Maybe you can bring forward her 3 year check?
She is still quite young to be "concentrating" all the time, i think you should go with your gut feeling, only you know your dd!
Good luck.

[annieshaf]

Flowertots

Very sorry that you have had a bad experience of the nursery and if you do not have trust in them then i agree that you should consider moving her to another setting. An outsider should not have come in for 1/2 a day without you being consulted first and giving your permission however it is not clear from your post whether the assessment was performed by the SENCO or someone external. Just to put my comments into context I have previously worked in a nursery which had a particuarly good reputation for dealing with children with special needs.

Despite your concerns however i would bear in mind the following points;

the nursery staff who have made the observations will most likely have previous experience of children who have had problems and can often be the first to notice any concerns. They will also have had the opportunity to observe your child over a period of time and not just in a short appointment.

They will probably have your childrens interest at heart as having to do iep's and daily diaries is an additional task for the staff to perform which they get no additional funding for. I think additional staff are only available once a child has a statement and if this is necessary the nursery will need to put in a lot of effort in co-operation with you to achieve this.

I know that this is a difficult situation to deal with but i have seen some situations where treatment and therefore the child's progress has been delayed by parents shock and disbelief when told that there may be a probem.

If you do move her to another nursery then i would ask them to observe her closely for the first few months and then ask their opinion and advice on whether you need to take any further action.

Hope this helps

Annieshaf

[coppertop]

I agree with MMM and Annieshaf. The nursery should have told you of their concerns sooner, and they should also have asked for written consent before bringing anyone else in but I wouldn't completely rule out their concerns. Take the appointments and the specialists will be more than happy to tell you that there are no problems if this is the case.

[KITTENSOCKS]

Some nursery staff can be alarmist. I well remember comforting a work colleague who was in tears after her daughters day nursery rang to say that the health visitor for that nursery had said the child was underweight and needed a hospital appointment with a dietitian. This health visitor had never met my colleague, and made no effort to do so. If she had met the parents, she would have seen that they were both slighty built themselves. A check-up at the childs GP and a letter from him to be placed on the childs record were all that were needed to stop the nonsense. No healthcare professional had ever raised concerns before. The nursery staff just did as the health visitor said, never made any attempt to set up a meeting with the woman, and wouldn't even supply her phone number so that they could speak to her!

I understand how upsetting this is, but if you have appointments, go to them. There is nothing as satisfying as your child being given the all clear, and if your nursery staff truly care for the children they look after, they should feel the same.