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I gave my child the option to move in with dad and regret it

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Gemp1 Tue 18-Aug-20 09:58:45

My daughter is nearly 14 and recently I have been experiencing huge issues with her behaviour and emotions.
I have a contact order and residency and she spends time with dad on his days.
She had recently been coming and goi g as she pleases, ie not seeing dad when she should. Iv told her that she needs to work on her relationship and resolve the problems she has with him and ‘hiding out’ is not the way. However as her Dad has allowed it, I have had to let it play out while trying to advise her how to deal with things and repair the relationship.
Recently she has been trying to avoid her responsibilities at home ie chores or consequences when she has been in trouble by not coming home when she should. I have repeatedly told her the behaviour is unacceptable.
Dad is a nightmare and is supporting this.
I decided that to show her that she cant do this and to try and apply boundaries and consequences by telling her to choose if she lives here and visits dad or visa versa but that she must understand whichever ahe chooses she still must stick to her routine as we wont tolerate her playing us off to her own gain and to get what she wants. She chose to go to Dad and showed no emotion and was laughing. I regretably lost my temper and started frantically helping her pack her stuff and shouting and crying at her ☹️ I told her her lack of emotion was disgusting and that she was heartless.
It was very emotionally charged and her response brought out My anger and pain and I reacted badly. I feel terrible and now regret giving her a choice when she isnt emotionally stable enough to make it.
Dad has picked her up and is now accusing me of kicking her out and my partner of emotionally abusing her and being violent!!! I have obviously said this isnt the case. But he is trying to capitalise on the situation as he will want to get at me and have the residency order changed in his favour. He has told me we cant have contact with her.
I called my daughter who said she wanted to come here in a couple of days and i arranged to pick her up and he messaged shortly after to say he wouldnt allow it. I cant contact her phone now and believe he has taken it to stop me communicating with her.

I feel like Iv tried a method to help her learn that playing with contact and relationships has consequences and putting her in a position where she has to underatand boundaries has totally backfired and now dads involvement has made a difficult emotional time for her and me much worse by now isolating her from her mum and possibly dragging her through a legal process (which im expecting)

I dont know what to do. I afraid my mishandling of the situation will reflect badly on me if he takes me to court. Feel like a terrible Mum

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