Nightmare 1st session at Tumbletots! - Really low - Do i go back?(75 Posts)
My daughter is now 19 months and full of energy so i decided to enrol her into tumbletots.
I have never attended any sort of parenting group etc. i never even went to antenatal.
My daughter has a cousin of a similar age and they spend time together for an hour or so a week, but other than that she really wasnt mixing with other children.
So... i took the leap and now im feeling really really low.
It seems that every other child in the room was well behaved and my little girl was really really out of control.
She wasn't the only child who was there for the first time, as there were quite a few. But she was just sooooo naughty. She did not listen to anything i said, running around the place with no consideration for others.
But isnt that just part of being a toddler? doing what they like and letting off steam.
What upset me is the looks i got off the other mums. No matter how much i tried to make conversation, they wern't interested. I seemed to be chasing my daughter round like a mad women whilst they all had there own little group of well behaved angels!
When it was time to sit in a circle and do songs my daughter screamed, kicked and even slapped my face (which she has never ever done!) as she wanted to go on the aparatus. Everyone was tutting and the leader of the group said afterwards that my daughter obviously had more learning to do at song time.
When she was on the aparatus she wanted to do everything in the wrong order etc and i thought this was fine as she was obviously just getting used to the environment, but they seemed to 'tut' and say she was starting at the wrong end.
This is so unlike her - the reason this has upset me so much is that i am not used to this, everywhere we go, my daughter is normally such a good, polite girl. And even in her tantrums she is usually controllable.
So at the end of the session we kind of left in a hurry red raced and now im unsure what to do.
Part of me thinks that if i do not continue with the sessions then she will never learn how to do it the right way, and learn to enjoy her time there. But another part of me thinks i just cannot go through that again.
I am not very confident person anyway, and am always doubting my parenting skills - maybe im just best to continue as we have been and not try to disrupt her routine with clubs etc????? Or i am holding her back?
I just want my daughter to be happy and to be learning to her full potential.
I know exactly how you feel.
Imo, you should go back again. Now she has been once, you can spend the next week talking to her about it and trying to get her ready for the next one and letting her know what to expect, and what is expected of her. At 19 months she is old enough to understand this (not necessarily old enough to do anything about it, but she will understand what you are saying)
Try again, she may surprise you.
Dd2 went through stages of loving and hating tumbletots, but ds HATED it with a passion for about four weeks, then he loved it. If I was just taking ds on his own, I would have given in and never gone back, but I had to take dd2 who loved it at the time. Glad I did because ds thoroughly enjoyed it after that and was as good as gold.
hope things sort themselves out.
I think she was overwhelmed by all the exciting apparatus, the other kids, noise etc. and that led to her tantrums. If she gets used to going to different groups, she'll behave more calmly.
I think the group leader was rude to you and the mothers sound horrible. Try some other groups. My favourite one is in our library, they have stories and rhymes, then a little craft activity then play. I find dd to be happier and calmer in that sort of environment.
My dd didn't get on with Tumble Tots(TT) either. In the end we braved going to a toddler group in the neighbouring village instead which was really friendly and not at all judgemental. I don't regret not persevering with TT - it just wasn't the right environment for our dd. Too structured and routiney rather than free play. a few months later we started going to a free play trampolining session at our local University which was great. She really built up confidence climbing the apparatus, jumping and playing with racquets etc. Nursery later said her gross motor skills were really good, so it all turned out really. Follow your instincts!
If it's any consolation, the chance of anyone remembering who you are when you got back a second time are minimal to nil. Just make sure you're wearing different clothes. And yeah, like she said, spend the week telling her the "rules." And if she acts up, whip her outside for two minutes. She'll soon start calming down when she realises she's taken away from the fun stuff if she's naughty. And maybe take her for a big run around before hand, so she'd not so hyper when she gets there? Good luck! It's all hell until they're 24. Drink more, tht's my advice.
shaz, don't worry! She is being a toddler!
Seriously, I take ds2 (nearly 17 months) to a baby gym, and hate every minute of it, (he loves it though), largely because of other mums - lots of them are first timers (ds2 is number 3 and therefore not pfb), and lots of them think it's ok to have the following sort of conversation;
"How old is he - is he about 8 months?" (Ds2 is little)
"He's nearly 17 months? He'll have been walking for a while then? Not walking? MY ds or dd has been walking since they were 8 months - aren't you very worried? Is he talking much? No? MY ds or dd is only 10 months and talking in sentences - are you going to get him referred? No? Don't you think you ought to? He's very delayed - I mean, I'm sure he's fine..."
And ds2 is fine, but it's this whole 'I am here to judge your child against mine, and mine will come out on top'. You can bet if it was their child who didn't sit still, the other parents would beam that 'their child has SO much energy, she's obviously VERY bright because she's so interested in everything and never wants to sit still.'
WIth the circle and the songs - they do that at the place we go to, but they put the apparatus away first. This causes another problem, because it takes SO long to put it away, ALL the kids are running riot by the time for the songs (apart from ds2, who of course, can't walk.)
Don't worry - it was her first time, and your first time, ignore the other mums, let her enjoy herself and learn where the boundaries of the class are.
Only did tumbletots with one of mine - found it took several months before ds would do things in the "correct" order and some things he would not try at all at the start. I think it is worth persevering with as it is good training for little ones for when they go to pre-school, etc and have to take turns, follow instructions, etc
Though 19 months is quite young really - if both of you don't enjoy it maybe wait and try again when she is a little older?
We went to Gym Tots (similar to Tumble Tots). It was a nightmare for me with DD too. Like your DD she was well behaved everywhere else. I stopped going after a few weeks - felt she was too young. The age range was 18 months to 4 and I think there is a big difference in attention span between the age ranges. She later went to gymnastics through her own choice.
Sorry you didn't enjoy yourself. Once you've been to a few, you'll realise that every week a different toddler takes it in turns to be just like your daughter!! Honestly!
My DD has been going to Gymbabes/tumbletots since she was 6 months (now 17 months) and she still has the odd week where she decided that the songs aren't for her.
Why don't you try it again next week but not comit yet to paying the membership and full term fees. I think all children take a while to get used to the new environment.
My DD is usually so excited that I can't get her to concentrate for a minute, she starts one piece of apparatus and then runs off to the next etc. etc. I'm slowly working on this but I'm sure that the leaders are well used to all variants of behaviour.
I hope this helps you think that your experience wasn't so bad and you can face trying again?
Agree with what rest have said.
Your DD sound slike she might like a visit to a local soft play centre perhaps - where she is free to do whatever she wants in whatever order she wants, without the tutting.
I think you should persevere. It will do your daughter good in the long run.
And don't worry too much about the other mums and their tutting. It's all too easy to stand there muttering about how naughty another child is but we've all had our moments when we've been the one being tutted at/muttered about. All children have days like your daughter did.
Try it at least once more and if you see an improvement you can keep going. If not, perhaps try something a bit less structured than Tumbletots to ease her in more gently.
Oh and when I did Gymbabes/Tumbletots with DD there were always a couple of children (normally different ones different weeks) who wouldn't sit still for circle times and who just raced round playing instead.
and I should also mention that after one of ds's MAJOR half hour long screaming fits, I got it into my head that everyone hated me... I mentioned it to another mum a couple of weeks later and she genuinely couldn't remember it
Wow, this is the first time ive posted on here and cannot believe how helpful you all are!
Im feeling better already.
I think i will give it one more try next week, and see if she gets on any better, if not i think i may see if there are any groups in a calmer environment like you suggested.
She has always been really laid back and maybe it was too much fuss and noise for her to handle?
Either way, im feeling alot better about the whole thing now.
My ds1 behaved just like yours at tumbletots and i'd been there previously with dd1. my ds1 ra n about, climbed on the wrong things at the wrong times, it was a nightmare for weeks. In the end after giving it a good go I decided it maybe wasn't for him,
The people running it were the same, looks and all that.
anyway been again with ds2 (given up cos it drove me to destraction, But this time ds2 was great, but some of the other mums had a really hard time and were even told off. You certainly knew if your dc had done something wrong, cos the woman always picked you to start at the most boring bit of equipment. can't decide whter I lkie it or not, but not going now anyway.
Don't be disheartened, sure lots of others mums in same position.
Hi, I tried my Ds at tumbletots when he was arond two, and he did not want to go on anything. He's been like that with everything since, if other children are on things (and he doesn't know them) he won't go on! I remember the tumbletots person saying sometimes it takes them six months or so to settle down. this struck me as madness, firstly you are dealing with a reluctant, distressed child each time, exhausting for you and them. Secondly in six months your child has changed quite dramatically, thirdly the cost! I'd go to a smaller baby gym where she can do her own thing, and you don't feel judged. Being a mother puts us in such a vulnerable position.I remember feeling my parenting skills were on display, and lacking, in everything my ds did. Be proud of her independance. I made(and still make) the mistake of imagining my ds was always doing the wrong thing, in reality he was just being a toddler. They come in all shapes.
will say more later (have no time) but suffice it to say at tumble tots and the other mums
we quit tt as it drove me nuts - feckin nonsense rules
Oh shaz, been there.....
Did she enjoy it? If you think she did, go again. All the rest of what happened is normal (best to tell yourself it's a sign of high intelligence!)
You will not be holding your daughter back by not going to Tumble Tots. There is really no need to make the under-twos do anything structured.
My DS2 screamed through a number of sessions, causing a number of highly superior mums of very compliant toddlers to speculate audibly as to whether he had autism or hyperactivity. I persevered for a few weeks because DS1 had enjoyed it, but then gave up and went to the park (not structured and also free ) instead. DS2 is 9 now, doing well at school, and I don't believe I have held him back by giving up Tumble Tots.
I think tumbletots just doesn't suit some kids. My ds hated it (I tried it at the same age you're trying it for your dd, same reasons, lots of energy etc). But he couldn't cope with the endless waiting in line to go on apparatus, he was excited by the huge hall and just wanted to RUN, and I felt so mean having to pull him back to queue up yet again.
Yes, give it one more go and see if she likes it better, but don't agonise and make yourselves miserable - forget it if necessary!
I took ds to soft play type places instead, where he could hare about and be free and not have to wait in line. He also HATED song time, at any group, so I just used to leave his playgroup when song time came on.
I hated Mother and Toddler groups really. Don't worry; they are NOT compulsory and your child will NOT suffer through not going to groups, if that's what happens. Children learn their socialisation in all aspects of their life; being with parents, family, meeting people in the street, the library, the baker's; they're learning all the time. Don't sweat it!
Absolutely Hallgerda, ds1 hated anything like this and still does. Occasionally I ask him if he'd like to join one of the school clubs and he gives me a withering look.
just read the thread properly, tumbletots sounds bloody awful.
Don't put yourself through it, I say.
Hi Shaz, it just sounds like your dd was overawed. I would perhaps try getting her used to a less structured group first, mixing with lots of other children, then go back to tumbletots when she is more settled in a big group situation. BTW, I would have sat mine in a corner on her own if she had kicked, hit or bit me. Time out.
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