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Behaviour strategies(3 Posts)
Feel like we’ve got it all wrong with looking after our boys and would love advice about how we turn this around.
They are 8, 7 and 3 we get out of the house every day for a few hours for exercise, they are generally happier this way, at home they physically fight a lot, don’t listen loads, strop if they’re not getting their own way, grump when we plan something that they don’t want to do, runaway and hide or roll astound on the floor when being asked to do school work etc. Everything is such a battle.
I don’t know how much to intervene with the fighting- if I don’t stop it they get hurt, they don’t listen, they are rude-calling me mean, blowing raspberries in my face it told off . I’m struggling with the complete lack of discipline and lurching from carrot and stick approach constantly. I want it to change, I’m tired, where do I start?!!
You need to decide on your boundaries and then set your consequences accordingly.
Be clear and simple, unkind language - consequence etc
I would recommend ahaparenting I got the book Calm Parents and Happy kids by Laura Markham as I was inspired by the blog. It's all about connecting with your kids instead of losing your sh*t. You tell them that you understand why they are behaving badly and give them solutions on a better way to behave. When you get cross and tell your kids off it gives them no where to go and no example to model. So instead you stay firm and calm and assertive tell them to stop their when fighting then give them a one on one chat and talk about what they are doing why it's unacceptable and give them alternative ways of releasing their boredom or energy and reward them for it. It works most of the time, sometimes I forget but with 3 DDs who squabble a lot it has created a better home environment and the kids know what's expected of them. With the school work, sympathise with them about it, tell them their feelings are normal and then chat to the older ones about what the benefits might be of doing it. It might not seem like they are listening at first but they will eventually and reward them for listening to you with something they like...cake is usually good