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Help! in the middle of a crying baby/sleep routine situation and need someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing!!

(40 Posts)
Niccers Mon 24-Sep-07 22:17:35

Our 5 month old is not able to go to sleep on her own - have put her down for the first time without falling asleep on my breast and she is letting me know about it!! I'm on the 15th time of going into to reassure her, she is NOT happy and I just need to know people have come out the other side of this...I'm so tempted to just go in and comfort her with the breast which is what I know she wants...she ISN'T hungry, I know that..she won't take a dummy...I know its just a case of getting through this...please tell me I'm doing the right thing!!

pastilla Mon 24-Sep-07 22:20:26

what are your instincts telling you?

Tommy Mon 24-Sep-07 22:24:27

you don't get a medal for not feeding her to sleep sp just do what you are happiest with.

FWIW, I fed DS2 to sleep every night for a year and I don't think it's done him any harm!

chankins Mon 24-Sep-07 22:29:26

Just do what feels right to you - if you're adamant you want her to learn to fall asleep by herself then stick with it, but if you don't mind her using feeding to fall asleep then thats ok too. Personally I wonder what happens to those who feed their babies to sleep, and want to have the odd night out ? What if lo wakes up and mums not there to feed them back to sleep ? We had to let dd1 cry at about that age because she used bottle to fall asleep, and it got annoying. DD2 and dS1 have both always been put in their cots slightly awake and have always been able to settle themselves off without milk. i prefer it that way but its up to you.

BroccoliSpears Mon 24-Sep-07 22:30:07

I agree - go with your instincts.

Niccers Mon 24-Sep-07 22:30:27

I would have carried on doing it but a) that restricts me to not going out anywhere for the next year as she wakes up at least three times before 12 and will not got to sleep before 9/9.30 or let anyone else put her down...hell for babysitters! b) she will not go to sleep in her cot during the daytime as she is such a light sleeper by the time I've got her there, she's woken up again...I'd rather she slept on me and got a nap...I don't know...she's gone back to sleep now...I would be interested to hear from anyone who has done this and had result..good or bad..

theUrbanDryad Mon 24-Sep-07 22:33:04

niccers - my ds (nearly 9 mo) has always nursed to sleep ever since he born. he's very recently started to bite me just as he's falling asleep, so i've been putting him in bed drowsy but not asleep and it works fine.

fwiw - everyone i know who nursed to sleep now have fabulous sleeping toddlers, although i'm sure someone'll be along in a minute to contradict me!!

theUrbanDryad Mon 24-Sep-07 22:34:49

also - 5 months is still so tiny. and it's such a big jump if you've always comforted her with the breast before. she doesn't understand why it's suddenly not there anymore.

agree with posters who say go with your instincts. you are her mother and you know her best!

BroccoliSpears Mon 24-Sep-07 22:35:21

Chankins - I fed dd to sleep until she was about 1 - a bit older maybe. When I went out, if she woke up her daddy rocked and soothed her back to sleep. Or she was awake for a bit and they played. I suppose I always had to be 'on call' because I wouldn't have wanted to be out boogying while she was at home crying for me, but he never once had to call me back to feed her.

pastilla Mon 24-Sep-07 22:35:22

well seeing as you asked!!
tried it and it didn't really work for me and i wish i hadn't done it now cos am a big softie these days, pfb was a bit of an experiment but now i know ime it doesn't make much difference in the long run to how they sleep through. she;ll probably learn to settle herself soon enough in any case. there's a lot of research coming out now about cc and effects on stress hormones etc which is worth reading.

chankins Mon 24-Sep-07 22:36:53

We did it with dd1 who was ff at that age, but same thing, needed feeding to fall asleep and would wake up as soon as put down, start screaming until fed again, etc. We used to carry her so carefully, bottle in mouth, lower into cot, still in mouth... tiptoe away etc. Then with the next 2 I thought I can't bloody be doing that all the time! So I would feed, whether bf or bottle, burp, then put them to bed without being careful if you know what I mean! So they are awake when placed in cot, see you walk away etc. With dd1 we just kept going back in, soothing, saying shhh, til she fell asleep. I think it took 3 nights, each night easier than the night before, then we could just put her to sleep awake no problems. I guess it gets harder the older they are as they are more used to what they like!

seeker Mon 24-Sep-07 22:37:40

She is still tiny. Go on, feed her to sleep. You've got years and years when she's not tiny to go out - and only one year when she is!

lornaloo Mon 24-Sep-07 22:38:08

I know there are ways of getting babies to sleep without feeeding but tbh I think there hard work, alot of crying and can be quite upsetting for you. 5months is still quite young imo maybe weight untill she's a bit older? Whats she like in the night? Sleeping through? waking? If so how often?

Ds was in my bed till he was 8months old waking almost every hour to feed, which ment he didnt eat any food during the day, just milk. I tried the baby whisperer pupd method. It kind of worked although I didnt do it for long as it didnt really work but it did help iyswim. I made sure he always slept in his cot in his room which ment I didnt wake to every sound he made and putting his straight on the boob. He started sleeping through by about 11months on his own. It just happend naturally. He was a 7pm till 9am sleeper which was great as he's been such a bad sleeper as a young baby. He's 2 now still sleeping through unless he's poorly or something but he now wakes at 6:30am angry..

Basically what Im saying is yes there are ways to help babys sleep on there own without needing to feed but if you find it too upsetting then theres light at the end of the tunnel, she will start sleeping through without needing to feed when she's ready.

HTH smile

PeachesMcLean Mon 24-Sep-07 22:39:48

Bound to be tricky the first time you try. However, 5 months is early for controlled crying. TBH, I'd be tempted to give up for this evening and slowly, over the next few days, focus on getting her to sleep without you during the day. That way you're less stressed and not worried about your own sleep. Get a regular routine for sleep in the day, and a dark quiet room. Well, it worked for my DS anyway. Then focus on the nighttime once daytime is more settled. If that helps.

theUrbanDryad Mon 24-Sep-07 22:40:16

Broccoli - quick hijack: did your dd ever bite you? i really miss nursing ds to sleep! (mad i know!)

sorry for hijack

corriefan Mon 24-Sep-07 22:41:49

My dd used to wake up throughout the evening and I'd try to leave her but would almost always give up! Breastfeeding was just so instant and easy but it did mean I was called back by dh on the very occasional night out when she'd get inconsolible! She started sleeping through about 12 months but she was so much more stubborn than my older ds. I just couldn't listen to the crying and it would wake my toddler up too. On the other hand my friend was stronger willed than me and it took 3 nights of long bouts of crying but then her dd slept through.

stressteddy Mon 24-Sep-07 22:42:43

My ds was/is a rubbish sleeper so I hardly feel able to comment. That being said I will....grin
I personally think that 5 months is a bit too young for this. She is only tiny and just wants confort.
having said that, instinct is a wonderful thing (as many have said) and you should listen to yours
I wish you a calm and peaceful night

lornaloo Mon 24-Sep-07 22:43:29

Sorry didnt read all the posts. Niccer she sounds like how my ds was. very attached to mummy and bf. Where does she sleep at night? Perhaps you could try a new routine?
Perhaps you could give her a feed at 6pm.
Dh give her a bath at 6:30pm
Both play with her for a bit.
Dh give her lots of cuddles
Then you take her up and feed her at say 7:30 - 8opm untill she falls asleep.
If she wakes again before 12 just quietly sing to her while she's in the cot and stroke her hair in the attempt to sooth her back to sleep. Feed her again at 12. If she wakes again before 3 just stroke her hair untill she falls back to sleep. Hopfully she will take to the routine so she's a little more predictable.

lornaloo Mon 24-Sep-07 22:45:04

woe where did that grin some from between 7 and 8 oclock? 8:00pm

lornaloo Mon 24-Sep-07 22:45:29

8:0opm

lornaloo Mon 24-Sep-07 22:45:46

- 8:00pm

haychee Mon 24-Sep-07 22:45:57

I would, not talk to her or pick her up if at all possible. Can you give her a drink from a bottle and comfort her without picking her up?
If you do end up picking her up try not talking and definitely no lights. She must be tired after making all the fuss. She just needs the reassurance that your there? i think, anywayhmmsmile

lornaloo Mon 24-Sep-07 22:46:04

thats wierd sont know how that happend hmm

pampam Mon 24-Sep-07 22:46:31

I still feed my 16 month old to sleep although she often stops feeding then falls asleep on my lap nowadays. If i want to go out dh gives her a cuddle and sings/rocks her and she goes down without a fuss. If i'm not there she seems to understand she won't be fed to sleep.

5 months seems young to do controlled crying, my understanding is that it's not usually recommended until 6 months at the earliest.

Do what feels right for you. You know your baby best, if you want to feed her to sleep there's nothing wrong with that. on the other hand if you persevere with not feeding her i'm sure she'll get used to it within a week or so. Good luck whatever you decide.

Niccers Mon 24-Sep-07 22:51:05

I'm not sure if I feel better or worse now!! Seriously, I sympathise with Chankins on the tip toe/moving slowly thing...been like that since birth really..I feel quite strongly that she isn't crying for food, she is almost fully weaned now and has a big feed before bedtime...she was 10lbs 9 born and is now almost double her birth weight so she isn't that tiny...she slept through from about 2 months, from about 10 until 5, but has become more unsettled lately (isn't she supposed to sleep more as they become more active?)
Anyway, I know there are people worse off than me, and I do seem selfish because I want to go out once in a while (?) but I have been out and been called back a couple of times, had Daddy in bits because she has cried and cried all night unable to comfort her, so I just thought I'd try to get her to settle herself...of course I now think I've emotionally damaged my baby and am a terrible mother....

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