19 months old - will not stop doing things/touching things he shouldn't - PLEASE don't tell me "distraction"

[Flamesparrow]

Distraction will only work with me spending 24 hours a day playing with him one to one - I cannot - I have another child, and need to prepare meals etc occasionally.

He opens the fridge and plays with food, he plays with the playstation, he piles videos up on the floor (that one doesn't bother me tbh), he runs up the stairs at my mum's, he plays flicking plug sockets on and off, he climbs on anything.

"No" in any tone of voice, loud, quiet, at his level, above his head etc does NOTHING - even my friend who normally can stop any child doing anything with one NO gets looked at and then grinned at .

I distract him to get him away from the fridge, he waits until you think he is playing nicely and then legs it back.

I distract him at mum's (she can't have a stairgate because it doesn't fit with the stairlift), and the second you turn your back to do something else - he's up the stairs. You tell him to come back and he runs faster giggling.

I have tried putting him in his cot/naughty corner for 2 mins at a time - he just plays with his feet

I know in some ways I am lucky - he is a very happy little dude and nothing phases him, but at the same time NOTHING phases him.

DH gets home from work and I am exhausted and grumpy.

Oddly enough he is still easier than DD (possibly because he sleeps and because he is so happy), but I need to do something. DD was stopping doing things when she was told not to by this age.

[xXxamyxXx]

my ds is two and still doing all these things altough no usually well sometimes does the trick or a time out {sound like jo frost dont i}definatly does but it took a lot of months of consistancy in discipline to get this far not to mention the bald patches from me pulling my hair out

[Sidge]

Choose your battles. Only run interference with the things that really matter, or are dangerous.

Childproof your house (and your mum's) - put stairgates across doorways if not the stairs, lock the fridge (you can buy fridge locks) and move everything precious.

As annoying as it is, his messing with stuff is important developmentally - it's how he learns about the world around him. So let him play with stuff that doesn't matter, like you said about the videos. He will get bored and move on. Also "no" loses it's impact when said a thousand times a day, so only say it - and in your most serious, scary voice - when you REALLY mean it.

[kidsrus]

shut the door and confine him to one room where he can make all the mess he likes.
When he is in bed clean up ready for the next day.
keep anything out ofreach you don't want destroyed and keep smiling.
my dd 20mths is doing the same she dances on the table emptys the crayons on the floor pulls all the toys out and even got stuck on the ladder of my ds bunk bed this am.
lol

[Flamesparrow]

It is your system I have been going with Sidge - have been doubting it because friends etc keep complaining that he gets to their houses and they don't want the pegs emptied etc.

With plug sockets - I have the things in them so he can't shove his fingers in - how much damage can he do by turning them on and off?

My lounge is their main safezone - I feel mean them being cooped up in there so much though.

[fingerwoman]

I agree with picking your battles. Don't fret about the stuff that doesn't really matter (ie, the videos)

everything else you don't want him to touch needs to be removed so that he can't play with it. and anywhere you don't want him to go needs cordoning off with stairgate or whatever. He probably also enjoys the attention, so with things like the fridge you can just remove him without saying anything. He'll soon figure out that he gets no feedback from you and it'll become boring.
If that doesn't work, then lock it. but the key is consistency and be persistent. You have to keep giving the same response, otherwise you make it more interesting for him.

with regards to your mums- does it matter if he goes upstairs? Can you just close all doors up there or stiargate places he shouldn't be going?
If he really shouldn't be up there for whatever reason then perhaps you could make a temporary gate just while you're there? at dp's parent's we use a z-bed lol

[mummymagic]

I suspect its just gonna take time - it IS all good really because it's spirited and inquisitive

I have a dd like your first one (well, so far) who does leave things or stops (9 times out of 10 anyway) on 'LEAVE IT'. But as she is my first and I am usually there, not sure if she would just 'behave' if I wasn't.

But just wanted to add 2 things I do with dd and the kids I teach in case they help.

1 - consequences.
eg
"leave it.
X, leave it now.
X, you need to draw on paper not on wall/leave it or i will take the pen away/put you in the other room"
THEN DO IT - if they continue.

2 - Positive framing.
instead of "don't draw on the wall" - try "draw on the paper", "leave it" works for us somehow.

Anyway, sure you've tried them but thought I'd post some support

[Sidge]

OK then, in friend's houses you need an action plan!! Either ask them if they have some stuff he can play with or trash (LOL) eg my 12 month old loves playing with the peg bag or the contents of the shoe cupboard. Or send him out in the garden. Or take colouring pencils (NOT PENS!) and a colouring book, or a tin of Fuzzy Felt.

Agree with fingerwoman that minimal feedback is necessary - if he starts switching the sockets on and off just pick him up, move him away without saying a thing. To a toddler even "no" is a positive reinforcer! Then sit him down away from what he was doing and start a diversionary activity (I know you said you didn't want distraction but this is different).

[Phoenix]

Noticed a post about pegs too. Lewis sits and snaps all my mums pegs if she forgets to move them.

[mummymagic]

agree with Sidge

[Phoenix]

Ooops meant that for another thread . It was still to Flame but meant to be on post natal

[HonoriaGlossop]

Totally agree with Sidge's approach (which is yours too obviously, FS, anyway!) so I'd say keep going, have faith. Sidge couldn't be more right that No gets listened to if you say it only rarely. Tell him what you do want him to do.

And ignore people who undermine you, he's very young and this is how he needs to be. You might need to avoid certain friends' houses if they're going to be precious about stuff. We had to avoid my in-laws house when DS was this age, it was too stressful.

So change the environment, you're not going to change your ds, and nor should you

[sweetkitty]

I agree with loopymumsy baby proof one room, we have the DVDs/videos behind a locked cupboard, have hideaway computer deask, stair gates to the kitchen/upstairs nothing they can get at and it works OK. I have 3y DD1 and 20mo DD2, only thing is DD2 is a mad climber and is climbing on everything DD1 can, it's a crazy age.

[Flamesparrow]

Been much happier today, letting him get on with it

[InMyHumbleOpinion]

Sounds just like ds1, I am afraid. You can go and look for threads about my ds1 if you like ( col.ditz/Escape.from)

But I wouldn't if I were you, it won't make you any happier to know what might be in store. Ds2 is like your DD1 - obediant!


Clear the room of everything you don't want him to touch. I had to do this eventually, after a full 6 months of timeouts etc to try to make him understand that no means no - it never did work. (it works straight away on ds2 so it's not just me!)

Remove temptation, or you will be tearing your hair out. Pointless telling him no all the time if he isn't learning by it.

[glamourbadger]

My twins are a similar age and constantly fiddling - drives me mad! Like everyone below I've found the best way to deal with this is to baby-proof the rooms they have access to and just to let them get on with it. Drawing attention to any of their antics just makes them giggle and do it more.

I've moved the DVD and digital box out of reach, removed books and CDs from the low shelves, removed anything with a cord or a drawer! I try and save the "nos" for things that actually matter, like when they are about to jam their finger or electrocute themselves .

I have a Babydan playpen in the kitchen (something I always said I would NEVER have pre twins) and my girls love it. I change the toys in there all the time and it's the only place they do messy things like colouring in. I don't think I could cope with them running around while I cook!

[Flamesparrow]

that's who you are IMHO!!!!

[InMyHumbleOpinion]

Oh! Didn't you know? I thought everyopne knew.

[Flamesparrow]

I'm a bit slow on the uptake

[MuffinMclay]

I was going to start a thread on this tonight.

Ds is totally obsessed with :

• turning the dishwasher on or off (whichever it shouldn't be)
  
• changing the settings on the washing machine
  
• turning the oven on or off, and the temperature up or down
  
• opening and closing the fridge door
  
• turning computers on and off
  
• phoning people (but wn't let me use the phone)
  
• opening and closing the dvd and stereo draw
  
• going upstairs (open plan stairs - gate at the bottom removed because useless)
  
• throwing verything out of cupboards
  
• climbing onto and standing on tables (and looking ridiculously pleased with himself)
  
  etc. All day long. Distraction doesn't work at all. He has no interest in his toys, just returns to doing all these things all day long. It is driving me potty.
  
  Please tell me this phase passes soon. I'm absolutely exhausted from chasing him around all day (am 21 weeks pg, and feel 300 years old at the moment). We have builders in the house at the moment, and keeping him out of their way and stopping him escaping through the front door has to take priority over him wrecking everything inside the house.

[Flamesparrow]

Oooh the giggling - you end up torn between melty heart and angry face

Playpen useless - stacks up toys and legs it out

We realised yesterday why the video hasn't been working... when I fished out the Dora dvd and a load of cheerios. MUST remember to tie up the dvd cupboard doors EVERY night!

[Flibbertyjibbet]

Children that age don't understand that some things can be played with and some can't - they just see a world full of things that MUST be investigated.
Like any other toys, the buttons on the washer and all the other things, will get boring for them. Yes they will keep doing it with other things and it might drive you to distraction but they are only investigating and learning about their surroundings. If there is any thing you don't want them to touch/play with you have to put it where they can't touch it, lock it, put it away for a while. And accept that anything they can touch will be fiddled with until they get fed up and move on to the next thing.
Feels like half our house is now on top of the wardrobes or in the loft.
Just as DS1 got over that phase, DS2 has started, but now DS1 climbs up and passes items to his brother!!
Oh and drawing/painting/crayoning equip is not to be removed from the kitchen or its the naughty step!

[Flamesparrow]

I feel so sorry for DD sometimes - she can't do drawing etc now unless DS is asleep (he either draws on himself/the table/eats the pencils/pens/crayons if he joins in, or draws on her stuff), but he has decided to drop the afternoon sleep most days and she is in school in the mornings

Our washing machine has just touch buttons rather than push - a toddler heaven! DH fashioned this thing out of a big cardboard box that attaches with velcro, DS can't get at the buttons