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am i a bad mum?

(14 Posts)
yummymummy27 Tue 18-Sep-07 21:31:00

o my god!i feel like im banging my head against a brick a young mum(19)with 2.6 yr old!no,mata wat i say she will not listen!she is lazy.wont feed herself,wont make any effort with the potty or with talking.i feel like i reali need a padded room 6 days out of 7.does any one have any tips on how to encorage her to be less lazy,potty training,and eating by herself?could really do with some adive from someone who has been there,done that ect!

collision Tue 18-Sep-07 21:35:14

Course you arent a bad mum... it is blumming hard work.

I would leave her to her own devices a bit with the food thing. Make sure she is hungry at meal times and if she is she will eat and if she cant be bothered then she will be hungry.

Do you go to toddler groups where she can play with other children?

Does she have a dummy? that could be stopping her speech a bit. If she isnt bothering to talk, get down to her level and say, 'if you want something then you need to speak properly so mummy can hear you.'

potty training...get her some new pants with pictures on she likes and see what happens. reward with stickers and go crazy with joy when she wees in the potty.


cruisemum1 Tue 18-Sep-07 21:39:41

echo collision. If you find yourself nagging and coming down on her then just try to back off and do the reward positive behaviour thing. It really does work if you are consistent. Also second collisions advice to try toddler groups etc. Plenty of fresh air during hte day too - loads of distractions. you could try doing the "ifyou feed yourself/listen/do as mummy asks etc etc, I will take you swimming/to feed teh ducks (or whatever you know she would love). If she kicks off during the 'treat' then threaten to abandon the outing unless she can behave. hth smile. Mothering is really really really hard so pat yourself on the back now and then and enjoy the good bits smile

stressteddy Tue 18-Sep-07 21:39:58

Most defo not a bad mummy. It is the hardest job in the world IMO
I think collison has given you some fab advice here. I would just add one thing; forget about potty training for now and focus on the other stuff. It would be a lot to tackle all in one go
Make sure you don't give her snacks after certain times and keep them very small
Keep talking to us yummymummy and feel free to scream anytime you like at us!!

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House Tue 18-Sep-07 21:41:17

what collision said! smile

i am also a young mum, had dd at 17 and she'll be 3 next month. its a hard age, especially as your young and it can seem like theres nowhere to turn.

if you ever want a chat my email is

iv been there done it! i would also say do you think she would understand a sticker chart? dd did at this age for potty training and giving up her dummy but i know many dont at this age., just a thought!

yummymummy27 Tue 18-Sep-07 21:42:26

thanks!she sits on potty quiet content,but never does any thing,but i do say well done ect when she is good.she never had a dummy,so its not that.tryed going to toddler groups,but didnt feel right as im young,felt as if everyone was saying someting about me.she goes to nursery once a week.she will try to eat but if she cant get the food on the fork once,she then gives up,but my partner is very soft on her.

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House Tue 18-Sep-07 21:43:39

yummymummy, you could try and see if theres a young parents group near you., i go to one where i live and its great! lovely to meet other people in the same situation!

cruisemum1 Tue 18-Sep-07 21:45:34

yummy - no one is probably talking about you, and if they are then stuff em! It is a shame that you have to lose out because of other peoples narrowmindedness. Try to go again if you can. You will find it a godsend esp if you are spending loads of time just you and dd. That is really hard. There may even be one for younger mums. Check this with your local council. They are usuallyreally helpful. A teen mum toddler group may suit you better.

stressteddy Tue 18-Sep-07 21:47:08

Don't worry about the fork. Let her eat with spoon or fingers.
You are doing well - I understand completely about the toddler groups. They can be a little daunting can't they? Especially, when they all seem to know each other
Let us know how you get on. Someone will always listen and offer any advice they can
Also, try to make sure that you and your parner have some ground rules about when you can be soft and when not. It does help if you both say the same thing and have the same boundaries. IMO, if you play good cop, bad cop then the mother is all too often the bad cop!!
Love to you

orangehead Tue 18-Sep-07 21:47:40

With both mine I went through stages of everything being such hard work and feeling like I was the worst mother, but I look back (still have some bad days)and that seems so insignificant coz it really didnt last that long although it felt like it at the time. The 2's and 3's are a really hard age and I think u mainly just have to keep preserving and things do gradually improve. Rewards stickers are worth trying. Although some kids potty train really early I know lots of kids that are not ready till 3 or 3 1/2, they have to be physically ready first, to be able to sense they need a wee and some kids dont get that physical sensation till abit older so nothing u do can make them ptty train any quicker. Regarding her speech if u are concerned it may be worth talking to the hv. Sorry u feeling this way but u not a bad mum and things do get better

Ponka Tue 18-Sep-07 21:59:14

You don't sound like a bad Mummy. You sound like you really care about her and her development.

I would try to tackle mealtimes first. When you say she won't feed herself, do you mean she expects you to spoon feed her or do you mean she won't use cutlery? If she expects you to feed her, I'd start by trying to move away from that. What do you think she'd do with you just left to her own devices? If it's just not using cutlery, I'd not worry. Try to encourage her to use spoons and forks but don't worry about fingers. DS1 (3 1/4) still often resorts to his fingers a lot. DS2 (18 months) ate Spag bol entirely with his fingers a few days ago blush. He looked like he'd been Tangoed!

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House Tue 18-Sep-07 22:06:20

oh andas ponka says,dont worry about cutlry too much, dd is 2.11 now and still mainly eats with ehr ingers as she gets stressed at the fork and spoon!

yummymummy27 Tue 18-Sep-07 22:06:21

wow,this is so quick,im new to all this. iv got her reward charts,stickers but i dont think she can really understand it properly yet.i will see wat there is around,everyone knows everyone,i feel as if i stick out like a sore thumb for her speech,been to speech therapy they said that she is just slow.she always listens to granparents tho,when it comes to being naughty they not very strict on her,but i suppose that is normal for granparents.

HonoriaGlossop Tue 18-Sep-07 22:43:58

yummy, far from being a bad mum, i think you're actually trying TOO hard and doing too much parenting!

Your dd is only two and a half. ALL the things you mention can be forgotten with no harm at all! I have found with my ds that waiting until they are more than ready to do stuff, makes life SO much easier. I waited till ds was a month or two older than your dd before I even mentioned giving up nappies - he was more than ready so literally got it in one day, straight to the loo, no fannying about with potties even. Had it been a struggle I would have wammed nappies back on him and tried a month or two later.

Same with feeding; just let her watch you and DP eat and she WILL eventually want to copy. God, forget knives and forks - my ds is five and still struggles. Let her use her fingers, or feed her if necessary. She will get her own internal impetus to feed, and to talk, honestly. Relax, trust her.

And with the talking, do you talk TO her loads? If you are talking away each day then you are doing all you can. She's too young to worry yet about whether this will be an on-going thing.

Hopefully your sanity will be saved by you just lightening up completely on your expectations of her!

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