6 year old behaviour/attitude

[Minnie123456]

Dd has always being strong willed, we went through the terrible twos from she was 1 1/2 until she was near 3. Now she is rude/cheeky to us,doesn't do as we have asked, if we have told her not to do something she goes ahead and does it, screams and stamps her feet in temper and throws things( always small things) if she doesn't get her own way.
Are there any things we can do to deal with her behaviour? We've tried time out, taking away favourite toys,no tablet/tv time. We've also tried a reward chart although I have to admit we're not great at keeping this up. I have recently downloaded one on to my phone to see if I can stick to it better but DD just calls it a stupid baby chart. We also praise her positive behaviour.
Please someone tell me this is a phase and it will pass. I'm actually dreading her getting up in the mornings as I know the battles will soon begin and I hate feeling this way about my DD.

[selly24]

Recommend the book How to Talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. Game changer!

What is her day to day life like (eating sleeping, exercise / activity) How much structure vs free choice ( age appropriate choices) does she have?
How do you react to her refusal/ defiant behaviour?
It can be really helpful to describe the behaviour and acknowledge it. eg Wow you are so cross. You really wanted to -do X- but I asked you not to... aim for eye contact and a calm reflective presence rather than a judging / punitive approach. ( eg don’t initially say How dare you, that’s naughty etc). Then State very firmly in an authoritative voice that her behaviour is absolutely not acceptable - suggest a better way to behave and give her a chance to flip the situation ( it can help to physically ‚flip‘ her) take a playful approach- say ‚shall we flip this together ? And pick her up and spin her round for example?...

This works best if you have established firm house rules and made you expectations clear. If her understanding is good, a house meeting where everyone brainstorms their ideas for house rules and then the final version up on a big sheet of paper is put up somewhere.

[FortunesFave]

One of my DD"s was like this. She's 12 now and very singular...extremely bright and articulate but tell her to do something she doesn't want to and you're in for a battle.

She's very popular at school but doesn't fit in well with rules at all...she tries though and at heart is a very caring girl. Always sticks up for people who are shy etc.

I've found humour to be my best weapon. I can make her laugh and will do that to alter her mood...I've also noted that she's very sensitive to being hungry or to eating sugar/additives.

Her mood is affected seriously by eating junk food.

Try to keep DD on a very good diet of whole foods. Limit sugar to before 3.30 or thereabouts. Make sure she eats and drinks enough and regularly.

[ZooKeeper19]

It may also work if you do not define her behaviour to her, but define how she makes you feel. I'd say "when you behave like this I am sad/unhappy/worried..." and ask her how she feels, when she misbehaves.

When you say she does things she has been asked not to do, has she been told why not to do them? I.e. "please don't throw the XYZ as you may injure someone" or "please do not go there, I am worried you will get lost" and so on? It may be easier to deal with her if she is given a reason for why you want her to do things?

I'm not a big believer in treats (they do work with my animals reasonably well though :) ) but I was always hoping that people should behave in a certain way without a need of a treat/fear of punishment, just simply because it is a decent thing to do. I have however never had a toddler and I completely and fully acknowledge that I may well change my mind after the tantrums start!

[Minnie123456]

Thanks for replying @selly24 at the minute if she doesn't listen we take away a favourite thing, this used to work but now doesn't. Routine has went out the window a little due to lockdown but we do try to follow a loose one-breakfast and dressed, school work then lunch, afternoon playtime, she won't play in our garden as the other children on our street are all playing together and I won't let DD, so she said its not fair. I take her out for a walk but theres not many places to go round here. She has been falling asleep much later than usual, even if she goes to bed at her normal time and so wakens later in the morning.
I would say stress and emotions have been high for a while in our house, I lost my nanny 3 months ago and my granda last week, dh has lost a few close family members over the last 2 years, now lockdown is happening so theres the stress of that. I guess our patience isn't as good as it used to be so we have shouted at her which doesn't help.

[Minnie123456]

@FortunesFave dd is well behaved with everyone else, its dh and I get the attitude, and her granda although he lets her away with everything.
We don't normally gave her lots of sweets etc but I guess with lockdown it has been easier to say yes to things. I don't think she drinks enough so i'm going to encourage her to drink more. We only give her water to drink or sometimes diluted juice.

[Minnie123456]

@ZooKeeper19 we do try to explain why she's not allowed to certain things etc but she still attempts to do them anyway although sometimes she will stop what she is doing.
She did apologise last night for her behaviour but I think it was only to get her tablet back. I tried to talk to her about her behaviour she told me it was because I had told her what to do-i had asked her to get dressed about 100 times lol. I feel like i'm constantly telling her off and I hate it. I don't know if shes pushing the boundaries to see how far she will get.

[ZooKeeper19]

Minnie123456 I think from what you posted above you are doing an amazing job keeping it together with all the misfortune and hardship of this lockdown. It's really not easy and making it a bit easier by sweets and iPad is not necessarily a bad thing. We adults need a bit of chill as well.

Good luck, you know what they say - it is a phase, it will pass and get better!

[Minnie123456]

Thank you @ZooKeeper19 it's nice to know i'm maybe not failing at this parenting game.